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On forgiveness

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Yesterday marked exactly ten months since everything changed. To say that a lot has happened since then is kind of an understatement. When I wrote On courage, muchness, and a whimsical wishlist of future moments, I decided that it would be the last time I looked back. Things are different now - I’m different, and I’m not sure there’s much point or benefit in continuing to dissect what happened. I don’t want to expend energy on what has been, I want to focus on what’s to come. I have, though, been talking to my friend Erica (having a therapist as a best friend = free therapy for life) quite a lot about moving on, healing and forgiveness.

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The positive life plan - how to define your values

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You know I love words. And I love my journal - it’s one of my most treasured possessions. Recently I took a big step - for me - and stopped combining my notebook (lists, thoughts, work stuff, finances… basically everything life-related) with my personal journal. I’ve started a beautiful new notebook, and I’m going to keep it just for journal entries and writing prompts. It’s not a diary by any means, but just a personal place to explore thoughts and feelings, record quotes that I love, and jot down things that I want to remember or revisit at a later date. I was reading an article recently - I think it was in Stylist - about choosing a ‘values-based career’. It basically talked about how choosing a career based on your core values is the secret to finding job satisfaction. I soon got lost down a values-based rabbit hole and it was SO interesting that I knew I had to share. Here’s a great exercise on how to define your values - the results may surprise you!

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Slow september

Slow September

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I adore the concept of slow living. It’s multi-faceted, and means different things to different people, but for me, it’s about trying to live more mindfully, rejecting the worst aspects of consumerism and fast fashion, concentrating on living more sustainably, nourishing your mind and body and basically simplifying your life by adopting a less is more approach. Of course, there’s no such thing as perfection (especially at the moment), but I’ve been scribbling away in my journal - intentions, plans and dreams for the month, and I thought you might like to read them (and maybe even join in with a few). Funnily enough, after I’d been drafting this over the last few days, my new issue of Red Magazine dropped through the door, and in it was an article about slow living being ‘sustainable, local, organic, whole’, which I absolutely love. So here’s to slow September.

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A simple skincare routine with Ren Skincare 1

A simple skincare routine with Ren Skincare

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After a stressful start to the year, I’ve found such comfort in simplicity – whether it’s an hour spent away from my phone with a book and a cup of tea, or the joy of slipping into freshly laundered sheets. Stress has taken a toll on my skin, too, and I do wonder whether we just do too much to our skin with all the layers of mists, serums, acids and masques. So this month, I made a move back to an easy, comforting skincare routine with products that nourish both my skin and my sense of wellbeing (I love a gorgeous scent and beautiful packaging – I want simplicity, but I still need it all to look and feel lovely). I decided to stick to one brand, as I feel like all the products will all work really well with each other, and as I’m already a fan (and I love their sustainable stance and recyclable packaging) I decided to create my simple skincare routine with Ren Skincare.

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a whimsical wishlist of future moments

On courage, muchness, and a whimsical wishlist of future moments

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I love reading my notebook. It’s a mishmash of quotes and writing prompts, scribbled notes, words I like (what are yours? I like whimsical, poignant, iridescent, balmy, sun-soaked, whisper, rustle and rush), work stuff and more. When I’m travelling, my favourite thing is to snuggle into the fresh sheets of my bed (I love a hotel bed) at the end of the day and write about all the sights and smells, experiences, colours and people - I note it all down while it’s fresh in my mind - it’s lovely to look back on. And then there are some less lovely bits: notes from meetings with my solicitor, disjointed bits of devastating conversations (why did I write them down?). My notebook is so important to me - it’s my brain dump, my journal, my collection of thoughts, and so much more. Recently it’s full of hopes and dreams… doodled scenarios: a whimsical wishlist of future moments, if you will (see? such a good word!).

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The sun is shining again

The sun is shining again…

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You know when you watch people’s Instagram stories and they say ‘oh… so many people have asked me to share my daytime makeup routine blah blah’ and you roll your eyes and think ‘yeah, yeah, of course they did’. Well, honestly? So many people have contacted me after reading my posts about discovering the affair, and the aftermath. Not just lovely people who wanted to ask if I was okay, but people saying that they’d recently discovered something similar and had been Googling how to cope and what to do next, and people much further along the line than me, telling me that although it’s cloudy now, the sun will come out again. And do you know what? Seven months on, the sun is shining again. Brighter than it ever did before. Read more

Six months after the affair - lessons learned

Six months after the affair - lessons learned

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I’ve been clinging on to words recently: Pinterest quotes, and wise words from incredible women on Instagram like Charlotte @momentaryhappiness, my wonderful OG blogging compadre @natlue and beautiful, kind Sasha @frankandfeel, who, when I told her that her words sometimes keep me going, said ‘I write for an audience of two. Me. And you’. There’s a kind of consolation in reading these quotes and knowing that they reflect either a part of your journey, or the outcome you’re aiming for. My own words, written in a scrappy, brain dump style, tapped out into a blog post I’ll probably never publish, and scribbled in my notebook every day, are just as comforting. I’ve been keeping track of my feelings, as well as recording all the events and milestones as they happen (the divorce petition is IN - woohoo!), and I thought, seeing as it’s exactly six months after the affair, I’d write about a few of the lessons - both painful and positive - that I’ve learned so far.

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Five months on: a life update

Five months on: a life update

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I’ve been thinking a lot about January Becky recently. It breaks my heart to read the blog post I wrote then. Five months on, I feel like a complete different person. With five months of this weird new life under my belt, I can honestly say that I wouldn’t go back to that hideous December day and make it all go away, even if that were possible. With hindsight, you start to see the cracks you papered over - the things that weren’t right - the stuff that I’d never accept in a new relationship, but that seemed completely normal at the time. I stopped going over the old WhatsApp messages long ago, the ‘I’m working late tonight babe’ that broke my heart, but now just make me roll my eyes. It’s all deleted, gone forever. I don’t even miss that life now.

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Finding myself in Dominica

How I found myself in Dominica - the Caribbean’s nature island

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Oh my goodness, I cannot wait to tell you all about my trip to Dominica. I completely fell in love with this beautiful island and had such a wonderful, life-changing trip travelling back to my Dad’s favourite place in the Caribbean and - not to sound too ‘new agey’, I really felt that I found myself in Dominica - truly discovered a sense of peace and confidence after the sadness and anxiety of our marriage breaking down at Christmas. A wonderful week of feeling so close to nature, of swimming in the endless azure sea, dipping my toes in icy waterfalls, eating delicious fresh fish, dancing with abandon, wandering lush forests and boating along peaceful rivers is, it turns out, exactly what you need to get your head straight.

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After the affair: a few things I’ve learned so far

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It’s now been nearly two months since I found out about the affair. The date - 18th December 2019 - will be forever etched in my memory. When I first wrote about it, I was still reeling, but now there’s been some breathing space - and a whole load more lies - I feel like I’ve learned a lot. The other side of the story still isn’t mine, so this is only my perspective, however, as a lovely friend Rach reminded me: you own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better. One of my promises to myself, going into this new phase of my life, is to be 100%, unapologetically me. So here - deep breath - is, I guess, the divorce diary part one: after the affair: a few things I’ve learned so far.

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A life update

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Well hello there. If you’ve been popping in and not finding much going on, I thought I probably owed you a bit of a life update. Just before Christmas, my life as I knew it was smashed into a million tiny pieces. Everything I knew became everything I didn’t know. I think I can safely say it’s been the worst time of my life, but as always with these times, when you really need them, people show you the very best of themselves.

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13 years of blogging

Then, now and what’s to come. 13 years of blogging

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13 years! 13 whole years since we moved to Ireland and I was a bit miserable and the kids were bewildered and someone recommended writing a blog. It turned from a welcome diversion to my biggest obsession and then to my career. Thinking about English Mum gives me a warm feeling inside. For me it’s birthday cakes and roast dinners, bunches of flowers, whiffs of perfume, rumpled sheets possibly containing a lazy dog, sunny holidays, Christmas trees and crazy adventures. It’s finding the perfect dress or shoes and sharing them with you all. It’s sweet messages, happy memories (and a few sad ones too) and friends new and old. 13 years of blogging! So what’s changed? And what’s next?

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Positive life plan - an update

The positive life plan: perform your own life audit

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Hello! Happy Saturday. I hope you’re reading this in a sunny spot in the garden - isn’t it lovely to see the sunshine? I was looking back on my blog posts recently, and noticed that it’s been absolutely ages since I updated my positive life plan notebook. Quite a lot has changed since I last thought about it, and it’s weirdly comforting and - I don’t know - grounding, somehow, to sit down, grab a cuppa and perform your own life audit: think about where you are in life, what you’re loving, what you’d maybe like to change… who you’d like to be. If you’ve never come across the positive life plan before, it’s a chilled out way to do a bit of a positive life edit, where you can take stock, set goals, record your hopes and dreams, then keep referring back and updating to keep track of your progress. Plus it’s a great excuse to buy a lovely new notebook.

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Discovering the W8 GYM at St James Club, Antigua

Discovering the W8 GYM at St James Club, Antigua

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Imagine receiving an email that says ‘hey, you’re into fitness - fancy coming to Antigua with Fleur East for the launch of a brand new fitness partnership?’. Well of course I said yes, and last week, we jetted off to the beautiful island of Antigua for a few days of workouts on the beach, and of course a little downtime in the sunshine too. So what was it all about? Well, Elite Island Resorts - a beautiful collection of beachfront resorts in the Caribbean, has teamed up with W8 GYM, a really clever, completely portable gym system created by the lovely Fleur East and her cousins Nick Meaney and Clive Payne. The exclusive partnership will see the W8 GYM being available at Elite Island Resorts locations in Antigua, St Lucia, Barbados (remember I went to their beautiful The Club Barbados resort for my singing holiday?) and The Grenadines, to use in-room, in the resort gym (where group lessons will be available) and even on the beach, if you fancy it. I spent a happy few days discovering the W8 GYM at St James Club, Antigua, and do you know what? It turned out to be a pretty life changing experience. Let me explain…

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Why we should all be having a monthly massage treatment

In which I find out why we should all be having a monthly massage treatment

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How are you feeling? A bit stressed heading back to work after the Easter holidays? Maybe getting all the kids back to school with the right kit/homework/bits of paper had you tearing your hair out? If you’re anything like me, you spend most of your life worrying about everyone else but take very little time to look after yourself, but all that changed this week when I was invited to The Massage Company’s brand new premises in High Wycombe to find out why we should all be having a monthly massage treatment. My therapist, Helen, was absolutely spot on when she said that we really should be treating massage like any other essential in our lives: taking care of our bodies and minds is the best way to stay healthy, but often we see any treatments like massage as a bit of a ‘treat’, maybe when we’re away on holiday or on a spa break, but would never think of going as part of our daily lives.

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Body positivity - what works for me

Body positivity - what works for me

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I know exactly when this picture was taken, and I know exactly how much I weighed. In September 2016 we took a family cruise on Celebrity Eclipse. I had absolutely killed myself through dieting and cycling and whatever (and not in a particularly healthy way) to get down under 10 stone and I was really, really proud of myself. Of course, as far as you’d know on Instagram and writing about it on the blog afterwards, it was the perfect family holiday, but do you know what? It really wasn’t. Don’t get me wrong, we mostly had a great time but there was quite a lot of tension in our family at that time (isn’t there always with two teenagers?) and I remember feeling quite unhappy that I’d made all that sacrifice and still the holiday wasn’t perfect. That’s the thing with getting obsessed with your weight - it turns out that after all the hard work and effort being thinner doesn’t really make everything perfect, does it? Ridiculous really.

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