ENGLISH MUM

So it’s half term. And Middle Lovely came for a sleepover with #2. He’s a happy little chap; talks ten to the dozen like #1 and he loves to cook. So last night I got talked into having chocolate pancakes for tea, and this morning we all made a cake. He could never live with us full time as our arteries would probably explode. Here goes with the pancakes, then: For the basic breakfast...

So we ended up having an incredibly late night on Friday round C and K’s (the ones with the boat - keep up), drinking vast amounts of champagne and Chablis and tucking into a takeaway Chinese. I was completely toasted and woke up the next day at midday with a hammerdrill playing havoc with the inside of my head (I know, I know - self to blame). Happily, I saw both C and K down the shop...

So I’ve had ups and downs with my first year of vegetable patch ownership. For example, the sweet peas went completely mental but didn’t give me a single bloody flower, the pumpkins, coriander and basil all died (too cold? we didn’t really have any sunshine) and the cucumber covered the whole plot in huge leaves and spidery tentrils, but no cucumbers (well how was I to know it was a...

So pastry, then. Well it’s a bit of a sod, frankly and I try not to bother if at all possible. I always get it all stuck to the rolling pin (not being the dantiest of bakers) but hey, my family don’t mind my rustic baking. I was telling me Ma, then, about Bill Granger’s fantastically easy pastry made with melted butter. He pinched it off Patricia Wells so I, in turn, pinched it off...

So. It’s happened then. I have to say it was with a certain amount of trepidation that I opened #1′s door that particular morning - half expecting to see some embryonic teenager emerging from a particularly stinky chrysalis, complete with already formed armpit hair and foot odour. Happily, a rumpled but still cheery greeting from under the duvet confirmed that the small, perky and...

So I don’t know how, but both my children have their birthdays within two weeks of each other. Maybe it was the bad English summers that sent us indoors in search of better things to do? Whatever. First up on the birthday honours is #2 who finally hits double digits (‘Finally, I’ve got double Ds!’ He told me innocently in a somewhat Jordanesque manner). And in true English Towers...

Okay, so all that crap I said about our neighbours being lovely? Scrap that. D wanders in earlier, on the hunt for a missing child, oh and a spare Hubby to hit the pub with. ‘So what’s for dinner?’, he says. I open the oven, where a rather beautiful toad in the hole is puffing up nicely, and wait smugly for the compliment. It doesn’t come. ‘Ew’, says D, ‘you’re...

Oh, and me and me Mam were reminiscing about this little beauty. It was a Christmas tradition in our house and it may sound weird but it tastes bloody fab. 1 packet ginger biscuits Sherry or orange juice (ooh, or Morgan’s Spiced Rum would be great) Double Cream, whipped Dark chocolate So take each biscuit individually and then dunk it in the sherry (or orange juice if you’ve got kids eating this...

225g good quality dark chocolate 6 oz butter 3 eggs 8 oz caster sugar 4oz plain flour For the ganache: Small tub double cream Small bar dark or white chocolate Melt your butter and chocolate in a bain-marie (bowl over saucepan of simmering water) or in the microwave if you’re brave enough, but I always burn it. As always with this type of method, take it off the heat as soon as it’s well on the way...

Disreputable Dad, having recently discovered technology, is now able to berate me by email (typed, apparently, over several hours and with one finger) as well as phone, and says he doesn’t read the recipes. So here, for everyone except DD, is #1′s chocolate cheesecake. Well, I couldn’t find a chocolate cheesecake recipe anywhere that didn’t involve either baking it (he didn’t want...

Blimey, Sunday again already. We’ve all decided we’re bored of roasts, so I’m going for a good old fashioned shepherd’s pie today, then by special request of son #2 I’m going to make a lemon cake. Now, seeing as this child doesn’t eat anything, and I worry constantly (as mothers do) about the state of his insides, I reckon that a lemon cake must at least get some vitamin C...