Yesterday was a nightmare. After waiting up until midnight to pick Charlie up from a party (aren’t I a nice mama?), we were then up at the crack of dawn to get Mr English back to Heathrow to go back on duty after his week off. Then there was a van fire on the M25 so we were stuck in traffic for two hours, nearly missing the flight, and THEN on the way back I realised that not only was I dangerously low on petrol after all that hanging around, but I’d also forgotten my handbag. ARGH.
Luckily, I bank with NatWest so I did that emergency cash thing that you can do via your phone and got to the petrol station with the car literally driving on fumes. As I hopped out of the car, I felt a little ‘pop’ in my back pocket and thought a couple of stitches might have gone in my jeans.
Hmm. Turns out, when I got home that more than a couple of stitches had popped, in fact, the entire back seam of my jeans had torn open and my bum was out for everyone to see. Laughing that the entire queue of our local petrol station must have been wondering whether I knew my arse was hanging out or whether it was just some new kind of fashion statement, I snapped a pic from behind and posted it on Facebook with the story. We then rushed off to Watford to take Charlie to an appointment and I didn’t look at my feed for another hour or so. When I did, I was slightly embarrassed to find out that the photo showed RATHER A LOT of bum, and the comments ranged from ‘phwoar!’ type ones from male friends, to sweet and funny ‘nice cheeks’ ones from my friends and family. The focus certainly wasn’t on my terrible day or the comedy value of ripping my jeans in public.
It wasn’t a terrible photo, in fact it was accidentally quite flattering (I won’t post it because I don’t want it to become a meme), but I instantly felt REALLY uncomfortable. My uncomfortable feelings ranged from ‘oh dear, I bet this has embarrassed my children’ to ‘I wonder if people think I’m REALLY vain for posting a pic of my bottom’. I styled it out for a few hours and my friends made me laugh with hashtags like #beckysbuttocks and #englishbum, but eventually I deleted it, and felt a rush of relief to not have the focus on me any more.
This morning, though, I’m feeling bad for another reason. Honestly, why are we all so ashamed of our bodies? It’s only a bum – half a bum cheek, in fact – not a very perfect one, but it’s mine and the story was funny. So now I wish I hadn’t deleted it. I wish I could go back and go ‘look at my bum! It’s not bad is it?’.
So this is a learning curve for me (see what I did there?) and next time I’ll post that photo and I’ll be proud of it and feel great that it gave my lovely mates a giggle. I’m always telling the boys to be themselves, embrace every quirk and live life to the full. Time to take my own medicine.