There may be trouble ahead…

So yesterday we finally got the call we’d been waiting for from the terminally unhelpful Dog-Warden-who-doesn’t-actually-do-anything: ‘Still lost yer dog?’ 

‘Well, yes, seeing as it’s terrified of humans, evades any form of capture including perching freezing behind the garage door until 3am and I’ve absolutely no way of catching it.  Oh, and the fact that our dog warden’s about as useless as a chocolate teapot’ (no, of course I didn’t really, but crikey it was tempting).

‘I’ve got a trap’, says he, ‘but you’ll have to come and get it – it’s about the size of an office desk’. 

An office bloody desk?   An enormous sodding huge office desk?  What does he think I drive?  A forklift?  Anyhoo, as it turned out my outrageously pleasant and helpful neighbours (‘lost a hungry dog amongst our sheep that are all in lamb?  Pah, no problem!’) put their heads together and before you could say ‘mint sauce’, a car appeared at the bottom of the drive complete with a friendly driver and a trailer.  Blimey, they’re good.

So it’s in the garden, baited with a pork chop (I know, I’m so desperate I gave up someone’s dinner – no of course it wasn’t mine) and one of those gross, hairy pig’s ear chews that Bertie likes.  Over dinner, we started a book as to what the trap will contain tomorrow morning.  It currently reads something like this:

Hubby: a dog, but not our dog (oh, and if we catch it within 2 days he’ll take us all out to dinner).

#1: a fox

#2: a very cross cat

Me: The dog (ever the optimist).

Anyone else care to join?

14 Responses to “There may be trouble ahead…”

1. Isitjustme? says:

   February 6, 2008 at 8:51 pm

   Did you say pork chop…?.
   If you disciver a small blonde in the cage tomorrow could you let her loose and point her in the direction of Galway?…Seriously, I hope this works..I know you do.
2. Isitjustme? says:

   February 6, 2008 at 8:51 pm

   obviously I meant discover…wow I need that pork chop!
3. june in florida says:

   February 7, 2008 at 2:15 am

   Put a cage trap in the yard for an armadillo( they dig nice little 6 inch deep holes you can twist your ankle in)worked great, one very pissed off tom cat spitting and hissing and later a raccoon that looked like it had rabies.Never did get the armadillo.We have learned to walk carefully.
4. Moon says:

   February 7, 2008 at 4:04 am

   If it’s a decent prok chop …it will be me in the cage !!!
5. Mum says:

   February 7, 2008 at 7:57 am

   Very small font you’re using on the new website!! Spare a thought for we old’uns! X
6. englishmuminireland says:

   February 7, 2008 at 7:57 am

   Isit: I’ve got spares, honestly. Come on in!

   Moon: Oh okay then, you as well! x
7. englishmuminireland says:

   February 7, 2008 at 8:01 am

   June: Welcome! God and I thought I had problems! At least I’m not likely to find a raccoon or an armadillo! Although I suppose I could catch an angry leprechaun (sorry, cliché) x
8. englishmuminireland says:

   February 7, 2008 at 8:03 am

   Mum: I know – don’t know what I’m doing wrong but I’ll work on it today – can hardly see it myself!!!
9. aidy says:

   February 7, 2008 at 9:01 am

   Have you heard about that big black panther thats roaming the Irish countryside somewhere? So,if ye see a big black cat in the trap, run away, very very quickly. MMmmmmm pork chop (best Homer Simpson voice) Bet you’ve got a good recipe for those…..
10. englishmuminireland says:

    February 7, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    Aidy: Mmmmm panther fur (best Homer Simpson voice). And yes, I happen to be cooking the rest of the pack tonight with baked apples. Yum!
11. Mary says:

    February 7, 2008 at 2:57 pm

    I agree with mum specially as I too an an older mum!
    Love reading your stuff.
12. Wee Jen says:

    February 7, 2008 at 3:23 pm

    Hope it works. All fingers, toes and eyes crossed for a good result…
13. Moon says:

    February 7, 2008 at 5:24 pm

    The only ‘cage’ I have seen recently had naked ladies dancing in it … the White Horse, just off Leverpool Street ! pound in the pot, classy joint !
14. englishmuminireland says:

    February 7, 2008 at 6:58 pm

    Mary: Your wish is my command – bigger text it is (can’t be losing the grey vote!!) x

    Jen: Ta. Well so far all we’ve caught is a case of squinty eyes from staring at it from out of the window!

    Moon: Ooer! Keep yer weird perversions to yerself. Although I have to say, Bertie went straight out and got caught in it, and that was a right laugh, so I can sort of see the entertainment value of cages heh x