The really quite fabulous human blender theory
My husband, bless his cotton ones, doesn’t suffer fools gladly. He’s a ‘take no prisoners’ kind of chap, and his politics are, as my Disreputable Dad would say, slightly left of Attila the Hun.
I admire this quality enormously. Especially as I’m the kind of person who apologises when someone treads on my toe. Take his blender, for instance. It’s not a real blender, it’s kind of a standing joke in our house: a human-sized blender reserved for the total and utter tossers in this life – you know the ones, the real wastes of skin we come across all the time.
Recently, we were discussing the two awful brothers who attacked the two little boys in Edlington. Some bobbly-jumpered ‘expert’ with huge bottle-bottomed glasses was busy on Sky News telling us how it might even be possible for them to be rehabilitated enough that they could slot back into normal life.
‘Pah’, said Hubby. ‘They should get the blender’
And the more we think about it, the more people there are that we’d toss in to join them: how about the little buggers’ parents for instance? Then there’s any number of arrogant ‘me me me’ celebs… those drunken dickheads hurling haywain punches outside any high street pub on any given Sunday morning. Oh, and the adorable Nick Griffin – I’d love to give him a whizz on high speed. Oh god and then there’s Katie bloody Price. Wouldn’t we all love to whip up a quick Jordan smoothie? I know I would.
And imagine the money we’d save on prisons: Terrorists? Blend ‘em. Murderers? Chuck ‘em in too. I reckon we’re on to something – maybe I should write a letter to Number Ten?
Over to you then. You’ve got one person to hurl into the blender. Who’s it to be?
68 Responses to “The really quite fabulous human blender theory”
I am not a huge fan of many things American, but they give proper sentences for serious crimes !
The fish seem to like it
Think I’d be happy with that….
Bring on the blender……..
And oh yes, don’t forget Kerry – wouldn’t be a proper loser smoothie without her… x
ctually.D.D.
My pick would go to that awful little slimeball of a man Max Clifford – could he enjoy making money out of other people’s misery any more? Hateful excuse for a human being
And I like your hubby’s thinking – quick blitz & the world would be a better place
D’you know that Mr. Saddam Hussein had an ACTUAL people blender? It was a woodchipper and he put bad sportsmen in feet first. Yeouch! The things my wierdo brothers e-mail me!
*deep breath* My ex boyfriends, Peter Andre, Angelina Jolie, Tom Cruise, in fact – just put all Americans in there, Germans, the Chinese Prime Minister, Cheryl Cole, Tim Westwood, the person who coined the term ‘fatshionista’, Beth Ditto, Fearne Cotton, Lauren Laverne, Tommy Zoom, Robson & Jerome, Katy from I Can Cook….I could go on & on.
I have a lot of rage towards annoying people.
Karin
Katie Price
Paris Hilton
Sarah Palin
George W. Bush
Stacey from X-Factor (sorry, can’t take the accent)
Coleen Nolan
Oh, I could go on and on…I’m loving this!
Karin
Yes
Oh yes
Definitely yes
Oh god yes – totally agree
Yup, irritating
Fantastic. You’re good at this!
xx
Ex-husband and useless father who doesn’t support his three kids and leaves me and my husband to do it!
The entire UK Border Agency who cost me soooo much heartache and money (£15k!) just to remain in this country with my husband.
All those annoying people who don’t pronounce the ‘t’s
All the so-called WAGs and celebs
Various arrogant tossers I’ve worked with!
I could (but won’t don’t worry) go on…
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