The Friday Photo: I demand a DNA test
So #1 is a big fella now. He’s loving his new school (‘some of them big lads have moustaches, Ma!’), has mastered the art of actually being on time at the bus stop (after a couple of ‘oh shit’ moments when the bus sailed past him as he wandered out of the sweet shop) and now has serious amounts of homework. To be frank (it’s okay, you get to be Frank next time), he was getting increasingly frustrated having to do his homework on the kitchen table while various conversations/arguments/loud tv programmes/recipe testing involving food processing/silly buggering about-type stuff was going on around him. Distracting, I agree. So me and the Hubby visited our local DIY store, and bought him a desk. And yes okay, I admit, it’s not the prettiest desk in the world, and yes, it’s a flat-packed melamine job, but hey, we’re skint. Sorry. That’s life. Two hours of disgustingly navvy-like swearing from Hubby later and the desk was up. And actually, it’s really not that bad.
Anyhoo, I digress. So a good week or two later, and the desk is still immaculate. Everything is still in its original place. There’s not a pen or a piece of paper out of place. While mine, on the other hand, looks like the aftermath of a rather large explosion inside a branch of Office World. I can’t help it, my natural instinct is seriously messy.
So my question is: how come the child doesn’t have the messy gene? He often comes into our bedroom, where (there’s no way of saying this nicely) there are pairs of pants strewn all over the floor, and the bed is only ever made when the sheets are changed, tuts sadly and walks back out. The Professor is a neat freak; a clever, mathematically amazing, novel-devouring, neat freak. Plus, he knows the difference between a simile and a metaphor, can name the entire Liverpool team (including subs), slay the cleverest smarty-pants with a devastating, razor-sharp comeback, and even the dog daren’t ruffle his sheets. I demand a DNA test.
28 Responses to “The Friday Photo: I demand a DNA test”
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Aussie: OOh yes, I can see him doing that, ‘cos he’s really bossy too. Why, do you have need of a cleaning-child? I have one available at reasonable rates! x
Gypsy Rose Jen: I’ll let you know in 40 years’ time, if my arteries haven’t spontaneously combusted by then! By the way, #2′s Godfather, Mad Uncle A, will be delighted by that scenario!!
Moon: 49% gay? Is that like Russell Brand? I always think he has a gay percentage in there somewhere. x
Tara: Doubtful. Verrrry doubtful
Jay: Glad I’m not the only one. I like the idea of a visiting tidy-person though. Very handy! I’m hoping me Ma will do us a quick spring-clean at Christmas x
I’m messy. I’ve always been messy, probably always will be messy. Son No. 1 is tidy. He comes over to cook for me sometimes and leaves the kitchen tidier than he found it!!
*Sigh*
Where did I go wrong?
And yes, I can confirm that Uncle A place is spotless, it’s because he is 49% gay you know…. he is like Kim and Aggie !
Will get a zillion points in Leaving and agonise about which high-flying career to follow. In the end, Rocket Science will allow sufficient ‘Bang’ and ‘Buck’ (there’s a formula – ask him)
Will marry a very sweet, smart mini me of his Mum and will spend the rest of his life in a happy, good home cooking and lovin’ daze, silently cursing his beloved wife for her lack of OCD tidiness / matching pyjama tops and bottoms / clinical judgement.
Three children – all girls, much to #1s horror.
# 2: Rock Star
Will get agonisingly close to a good course at a great college, only to call his parents from America after a two day absence to inform them that he’s joined a rock band. Mum will gasp, Dad will say ‘told you’.
Will become an overnight, stellar supertechnorockstargod and will be linked to a steady stream of starlets, all of whom will challenge Mums powers of ‘say something nice’ and Dads credulity.
Will marry ‘the one’ after spending most of his twenties, thirties and forties living the dream.
Will become a late-in-life parenting guru, publishing many books and telling seminars about his fabulous parents – much to their continued gobsmackment.
Is my crystal ball accurate? Time will tell…
Mwah!
I think I’ll go join a monastery.
Baino: I have to warn you, before we swap, that he NEVER stops talking. Our lives are lived to the his constant commentary – books/PS3 games/football/X-box – you name it. He never shuts up! Ew. I’m with you on the smelly spreadage though!
Ma: Jaysus, is mad Uncle A tidy? Good God. I kind of imagined his batchelor pad to be all guitars and empty champagne bottles strewn everywhere!!
Kate: Blimey. THAT bad?! x
@ English Mum; I’d hold on to that one if I waz u.
Kate: Hee! I’ll ask him – was it that bad?! x
Susan: Hmmm, let me think about this… NO!
Queeny: I do clean it up occasionally but it just seems to get messy again. Nah, I bet your house is immaculate really. C’mon, admit it!
Moon: A strong possibility I think, although the brain power is deffo Hubby’s side. Yep, he’s up there every night working away. For some reason he just doesn’t make any mess. Weird.
TM: Is he any good though? Hubby’s a demon with the hoover, but I’m my own worst enemy with the kitchen because I like it to myself!
Alg: I totally agree. They have a hugely long day at school and then by the time they’ve got the bus home it’s nearly 6. After eating and homework they don’t have any time for themselves at all. Highly unfair. Loving the song, by the way, very rock and roll
I agree with my mad cousin a little on this … I didn’t do to well at school, and it took my 10 years to find my vocation in life, who would have thought it involved insurance and $800 million turnover companys !!!!!
Still, I think they got swapped at the hospital !
I am the QofC so I have no comment, except that at home I have mellowed in my old age, and I don’t get hung up about mess the way I used to…..but I think you should have the lad looked at anyway, that amount of neatness… well, it’s not right!!
You sure he’s using the desk, it looks like the whole family are using yours!!
Wanna TRADE?
oh please oh please oh please oh please…
He was a clever lad and still is – sometimes lacking in common sense and a bit of a panicker but got a good job!
That bedroom tho – just be thankful your lad is neat!!! xx
So we’ve found ourselves being a bit tidier and making more of an effort because we’ve got a guest in the house. But I can guarantee that as soon as she’s gone, things will go back to slobby normality.
Kids already have to go to school all day as it is,there is far far too much pressure on them anyway nowadays and they shouldn’t have to do work when they get home,they need chill time at the end of the day like we all do,it’s bloody ridiculous and has always p—– me off.I’m all for kids doing well at school and passing exams(please don’t tell me they won’t pass exams without ridiculous amount of homework either) but there is far far too much emphasis nowads on exams and not the child,in my opinion,life’s about being happy remember),anyway rant over
“Here the words i sing,homework is a horrid thing,ding a long a ling !”
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