My Disreputable Dad popped by for a cuppa today. He does make me laugh. He was telling me about his business trip to Santo Domingo (I don’t know either, you’ll have to look it up).
I’m really not sure he should travel alone. He was telling me about the amazing seats Iberia have in business class now – there are loads of buttons and apparently you can lie almost horizontal ‘although when I was just waking up, I pushed the button of the lady sitting next to me instead of my own and shot her bolt upright from her reclining position, in the process showering herself with hot coffee’. Oops.
He was also telling me about the nasty cut on his calf:
DD: ‘Oh, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you’.
Me: ‘Go on, try me’
DD: ‘Well, I was on one of those travelator things in the airport, and there were a load of nuns pushing wheelchairs…’
Me: ‘Rrriiiiggghhhht… empty wheelchairs?’
DD: ‘No! Wheelchairs full of old people and people with no legs and things.. So we’re all going along this travelator, and there’s a nun pushing a wheelchair in the front, then another nun pushing a wheelchair behind her, then an old man, then me, then another nun pushing a wheelchair…’
Failing to see how this could possibly have caused the nasty cut on the back of his calf, I allowed him to push on.
DD: ‘So we get to the end of the travelator, and the nun at the front doesn’t realise that you’ve got to lift the front wheels of the wheelchair over the little lip. So her wheels stick fast and her wheelchair stops dead, then the nun pushing the wheelchair behind her piles into the back of her, then I pile into them, the old man falls flailing to the floor, then the nun behind us rams into the back of me. Hence the cut calf.
Me: ‘OMG! What happened next?’
DD: ‘Well then the first nun realised her mistake, lifted the wheels of the wheelchair up and everybody started moving again and fell onto the floor in a big heap.’
‘Nuns’, he informed me solemnly, ‘are the worst drivers in the world’ (this is actually true – ask anyone who’s lived in Ireland).
You just couldn’t make it up.