ENGLISH MUM

Walt Disney Pictures’ Bedtime Stories reviewed by #2 (the Death Wish Child)

So we’re all feeling a bit celeb here at English Towers since we got appointed as Disney Blu-ray Ambassadors and *gasp* the new Blu-ray player arrived (poor Bernard the postie hasn’t been the same since - being mobbed at the doorstep by an over-enthusiastic gang of Englishers must be very disturbing).

We’ve had a movie-watching frenzy and, in the interests of research (all for you, dearest reader), watched some rather fab movies.  Here’s the Death Wish One to tell you all about Bedtime Stories:
 

Bedtime stories By #2 (The the Death Wish Child) aged 11 and 1 month.

Bedtime Stories is about Skeeter [Adam Sandler].  Skeeter was born into a family who owned a motel.  Skeeter’s Dad was forced to sell the motel to Mr Nottingham [Richard Griffiths] because otherwise he’d go bankrupt.  Mr Nottingham promised that if Skeeter showed any talent he would be the manager of the new hotel.

Years later, Skeeter is the hotel handyman.  He has to look after his niece and nephew and discovers that when he makes up a bedtime story, what they say happens in real life.

This was an amazing film with twists like how when Skeeter said something in the story it wouldn’t happen, but when the kids said something it would happen.  My favourite part was when it rained gum balls (at least it didn’t rain the other sort).  My favourite thing was easily Bugsy the hamster with the huge eyeballs (I know again with the balls) and my favourite person was Russell Brand (Mr Coconut Bra).  I highly recommend this film for all ages.  It was the best film I’ve seen in absolutely ages. 

Hope to be writing more reviews soon,

#2

xx

This review is brought to you by English Towers (always up for a freebie) and the ‘Think Parents’ network:

Disney parks part 1: Typhoon Lagoon and Downtown Disney

So diverting my attention from the food for a moment, I thought I’d give you a little taster of what we, the intrepid Disney 7, put ourselves through just so we could report back to you about what it’s like to experience Walt Disney World at close quarters.  See, the things we do for you?

Typhoon Lagoon

First up, then, was the colossal watery infinity that is Typhoon  Lagoon.  Stepping, bleary eyed and jet-lagged out of the inferno-bus, we were met by our guide – whose name, very rudely, escapes me, but who was undoubtedly one of the most Disneyfied people we met on our trip.  She was ridiculously, madly, rabidly in love with her job and I have to say, her enthusiasm was pretty infectious.  First we had a good look (from a dry, fully-clothed perspective) at the Crush ‘n’ Gusher, the water roller coaster.  Second up was Humunga Cowabunga.  This is for you if you wish to be hurled at speeds of up to 40mph down a triple set of slides whilst achieving the biggest swimsuit-wedgie known to civilisation.  The more sedate amongst us can grab an inflatable ring and spend a happy hour bobbing mindlessly around Castaway Creek (‘many a parent lost there, I can tell you’, said our guide), a lovely river which bimbles gently around the perimeter of the park, and which looked so relaxing we all nearly made a run for it and threw ourselves in.  And there was still time to ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ and the 2.75 million gallon wave pool, complete with huge, explosive wave every 90 seconds for the daredevils amongst us (full learn-to-surf programme available – blonde, shaggy hair optional).  There’s an amazing opportunity to snorkel with some real, live sharks on the shark-reef – a sunken tanker complete with its own wildlife and for the smalls, there’s even a little tiddler area, Ketchakiddee Creek, with little slides, rafts and bubbling jets and Gangplank Falls – a family raft slide.  Oh, and those buckets of ice cream?  The ones with the free spade?  They’re $10.  Mine’s a large one.

Downtown Disney

I’m not sure if Downtown Disney is actually a resort/park in its own right, but it really is a lovely place and not to be missed.  Sadly, our Characters in Flight ride (the new Disney hot air balloon) was cancelled due to strong winds, but we headed off to gawp at the little princesses in the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique and make silly noises at teeny little baby clothes in the countless Disney shops (obviously, we spent a considerable time in the Disney kitchen shop, Mickey’s Pantry.  While you’re there, don’t forget to visit Disney Design-A-Tee where you can customise your very own Disney t-shirt (I made an Englishmum.com one, obviously).  There are loads of restaurants here (and Raglan Road Irish Pub too, I noticed), and we had a fabulous cob salad in the Earl of  Sandwich, but hey, if you fancy a Macs, you’ll find that here too.  My oldest nerd would have killed to get to DisneyQuest: five floors of interactive rides and games, and a lot of us would definitely have loved La Nouba, an amazing live act by Cirque du Soleil.  Sadly, time beat us and we were off again, this time to Hollywood Studios: the Rock’n'Rollercoaster, the Towerrrrr of Terrorrrrr and Craig, the rubbish cocktail waiter.  Tune in, if you’re still awake, for my next riveting instalment!

Wednesday’s stuff, but no nonsense

Congrats to fellow Irish blogger, K8 the GR8 and new hubby TAT on their big day - pop over to K8′s blog and have a look at the kids in their wedding outfits.  Adorable.

Stuff to see and do:

Check out Disney 7 member Linda’s fabulous new blog, havealovelytime.com   All about travelling with kids, there’s hotel reviews and day trips and a certain guest blogger might even have an Irish hotel review on there soon *cough*

The kids’ vitamin company, Haliborange, has launched a great new website.  There’s tons of arty and cooking stuff to do over half term (remember, National Family Week is 25-31st May).  I loved the video ’cook-along’ with celebrity chef, Lesley Waters.  And for your budding High School Musical stars there’s going to be tutorials from performing arts guru, Sylvia Young!  Log on to: www.shinyschool.com .

The All Ireland Food & Drinks Skills Conference is on in Cromleach Lodge, Sligo on Wednesday 20th May 2009, organised by Taste4Success – a day long event on facing challenges and opportunities, promoting products and where to cut costs and differentiate in the Food & Drinks business.  If you would like more information click on www.taste4success.ie.

Disney stuff:

After your very own pair of Mickey ears?  Don’t miss the My Mickey ears auction - celebrity ears up for grabs – organised by Disney and benefiting Great Ormond Street Hospital.   Daisy Lowe’s ones are seriously cute.

Disney scoop: TOY STORY 3 is coming!!!!  And it’s in 3D!!!

Recommended:

Thanks to Fairy Non Bio Gel for sending me stuff to test (I’ve had their website running in the background and found the sound of bubbles popping strangely addictive).  It came top in my smell test, with Bold 2 in 1 Pomegranate and Orange Blossom a passable runner up, although sometimes I find the tablets don’t dissolve.  I’m well on the way to using it up and have to stop myself from sniffing my children as they walk past – they smell gooooood.  Oh and I’m loving all that squeezing gel into the lid too – muchos fun.

Other stuff I’m loving:

I’m still after a couple of these:

and one of these (thanks to lovely commenter, Hockeysticks, for the reminder.  Thanks also to the very patient Diane at Crann Dair Chicken Rescue for her answers to my exhaustive questioning.  In the UK, contact the Battery Hen Welfare Trust.

Elave Hand Wash for my seriously dry, itchy and very gnarly old hands (no wonder I suffered from ‘claw hand’ in all the Disney shots.

Benefit’s Hoola: fab bronzer without the ‘I’ve been tangoed’ effect, and their ‘fake’ foundation Some Kinda Gorgeous - a cream-to-powder type thingy.  The lady at the airport put it on me with a brush and I’ve never looked so polished (I usually look like Aunt Sally off Worzel Gummidge).

Coming soon:

Step by step vanilla muffins, news of a brand new cookbook, Lego Duplo sets to giveaway and more stuff from our trip to Disney (altogether now… oooooooh!) x

EDIT: Ooh and just had to add: has anyone seen Peaches Geldof modelling the new ‘Miss Ultimo‘ range?  I’m loving the underwear, but check out the serious tattoo action on that girl – she has more body art than the clientele of half Britain’s greasy spoon cafés!

Walt Disney World: Day three – pancake mountains and speechless bloggers

Okly dokly then.  Back to Disney, where day 3 dawned bright and sparkly and found us tootling off to the Disney Boardwalk to have al-fresco breakfast at Spoodles.  Rather lush Mediterranean fare can be found at this friendly establishment (hearing me chortling about hidden Mickeys, the staff very kindly presented me with my very own blue Mickey pin – I was choked, I can tell you).  We were presented with loads of free taster plates, such as the lovely flatbreads (think thin pizza with lovely fresh toppings), and fruit platters, but eventually discounting the French toast and the full cooked breakfast, I gamely forced down a veritable MOUNTAIN of pancakes, with crispy bacon and maple syrup:

Off in the bloggerbus, then, to the amazingly beautiful Disney Grand Floridian.    Modelled on the famous Chateau Marmont (Marilyn Monroe’s fave hangout, doncherknow).  Driving up to this absolutely amazing resort, we were stunned into uncharacteristic silence (I wrote simply ‘wow’ in my notebook):

The Floridian is surrounded by a beautiful man-made lake, nestling across from the eye-watering white sand beach (guests can take out one of the resort speedboats if they feel the need for some privacy – no, really):

The spa is not only jaw-droppingly beautiful, but has a wide range of wondrous treatments as well as a gym if you absolutely insist on getting sweaty when you should be relaxing:

…where, having regaled (and slightly nauseated) each other with various motley spa stories (I shared the deeply in-depth double-boob-massage I experienced in Goa), and collapsed into snorty giggles again after a totally ridiculous ten minutes of complementary flip-flop swapping, we were swept away to various different treatment rooms where we oohed and ahhhed a happy hour away being pummeled into submission (or, in my case, being the only one that chose a facial, having my ‘congestion extracted’ – not pretty, I can tell you, but I glowed afterwards).

Stumbling blinking, and slightly greasily,  into the dazzling sunshine once again, we stopped to cop a quick cheeky look at the wedding chapel (RANDOM DISNEY FACT: more than 2,600 couples get married at Walt Disney World every year) where Cinderella’s glass coach and powdery wigged footmen were in attendance:

And to have a good cackle when Laura pointed out that one of them had a rather-unDisney, porn-star bushy black moustache (sadly he was facing away from me).  Oh, and we just had to grab a quick photo-op underneath the shady palms of the luscious white sandy beach:

Rather than ‘blogger down!’, this one was ‘blogger is running away and hiding so she never has to leave’.  Tell you what, if I ever win the lottery, you’ll find me ensconced, counting my money, at the Grand Floridian and no mishtake.  Off to the Grand Floridian Café for lunch, then, I was tempted by the pan-roasted Tilapia (sp?), just because I’d never heard of it, but settled in that ‘stomach thinks your throat’s been cut’ way that having something virtuous like a facial always makes me feel, for this little beauty:

…herb marinated chicken breast with cold smoked vine ripened tomatoes, cheddar, pesto mayonnaise and rocket, served on warm ciabatta.  Oh and I had chips but Linda pinched them all.

The afternoon brought our first glimpse of The Magic Kingdom (more later!) where we caught our first jaw-dropping sight of Cinderella’s Castle, and sizzled, in a particularly white-skinned, European fashion, in the roasting sun :

(MORE RANDOM DISNEY FACTS: did you know that the Cinderella Castle is a whopping 189ft high and held together by 600 tons of steel?  And did you also know that there are mice carved down the side of the castle?  Thought not.)   Oh and that’s Walt (brain not cryogenically frozen) Disney there in front of the castle.

Anyhoo, I defy even the most stone-hearted not to catch their breath.  The thing is enormous.  We amble past little shops, ice cream parlours and little bibbidi bobbidied princesses to whiz round some rides (nope – I’m not spilling – this is a food post – you’ll have to wait for the rides) and settled eventually at Tony’s at Toon Town Square (remember the little Italian restaurant from Lady and the Tramp?).  Our waiter, the lovely Casey, makes us all feel like stars by taking the details of all our blogs (or alternatively, perhaps he was worried about what we’d write).  Of course, I just had to order the spaghetti and meatballs, but Erica and Lulu completely spoiled it by refusing to do the spaghetti sharing thing with me.  Party poopers.

The Thursday AND Friday Photos: Dining at Disney – foodie photo alert!!!

So I thought rather than bore you to death with one big huge enormous Walt Disney World post, I’d break it down for you into more manageable bits (I’m good like that).  Today, then, is part one of the reason that I came back from Disney looking 6 months pregnant (no, don’t get excited, Mum).  I suppose a common preconception about visiting Disney (maybe even America in general) is that you’re going to have to survive on a fast food diet of chips, burger and pizza.  But seriously, nothing is further from the truth.  In fact, when our happy band of bloggers did happen to pass a rather enormous McDonalds in the bloggerbus, we were all begging Sarah (our very own Disney Mary Poppins) to let us stop.  Happily, she had far nicer stuff in store for us:

First night, then, saw us wandering along Disney’s beautiful Boardwalk area, still dazed from our amazing upgraded flight (never EVER been upstairs in a plane before) and the fact that it was now 1am back home.  The Boardwalk is a beautiful recreation of a 1940s seaside resort, where we walked, further dazzled by the beautiful lights twinklingly reflected in the water, into the stunning and very classy Flying Fish Café.  We were even more gobsmacked when we found that Disney had created a restaurant menu just for us:

We started with cocktails (I had a Bay Breeze) and the chef brought us a little ‘amuse bouche’ of spiced seared tuna with a ‘carrot-coconut infusion’ (me neither but it was lubly) topped with sturgeon caviar (yellow and green – how do the Sturgeon do that?).  I adored the caviar – I love the way it pops on your tongue.  I tell you, thoughts of burgers were now seriously melting away:

We moved onto our appetisers.  I chose beautifully tender crispy sesame and togarashi scented calamari, served with spiced green papaya (amazing) and an Asian dipping sauce.  For entrées (no mains here, baby) the choice was vast – from fresh yellowfin tuna… scallops… red snapper…  I went for a beautiful piece of oak-grilled North Atlantic salmon with puy lentils and American Sturgeon caviar which was fabulous, and in my eagerness to stuff it into my face, I actually forgot to take a picture of it.  I did, though take a pic (and a couple of generously proffered forkfuls – I think it was the fact that I was drooling on her shoulder that did it) of Jane‘s beautiful hand harvested Maine scallops with a pea, Pecorino, basil and mascarpone laced risotto and weird triffid things.  It tasted even better than it looked:

Too stuffed for desserts, we staggered back to our beautiful Beach Club Resort for a well earned rest.

Up bright and early to breakfast with Minnie, Goofy and Donald (more of this later).  I actually still feel stuffed from the night before so settle for a reasonably ‘light’ breakfast of Mickey waffles with fruit, ignoring the vast array of bacon, sausages, fried potatoes, grits, yoghurts, and even desserts such as cobblers and crumbles:

Quick DISNEY FACT here: all around Walt Disney World there are what’s known as ‘hidden Mickeys’.  There are even proper ‘hidden Mickey’ nerds that make it their life’s work to know where they all are.  We spotted a couple, including a Mickey-shaped rivet in a manhole cover and a Mickey-shaped electricity pylon (no, honestly).  This, obviously caused me to collapse in a heap laughing every time somebody mentioned it.  Why?  Because in Ireland a Mickey is another name for a man’s erm… oh, you know.  And ‘hidden Mickey’ has all sorts of connotations to my filthy brain which prompted the snorting.  Sorry…

Off in the bloggerbus (or ovenbus as it became known) to Typhoon Lagoon (more of this later too), then to Downtown Disney (you guessed it – more later), where we have an absolutely amazing cob salad in the Earl of Sandwich.  I’ve never had one before, but it’s a rather delicious combination of chicken, cranberries, chunks of cheddar and masses of mixed leaves, all doused in a lovely dressing.  See, even the takeouts are scrummy.

The evening found us hurling ourself upside down on various rides at Walt Disney’s Hollywood Studios Resort (sorry, but I’m going to have to keep saying ‘more of this later’) where we dined at the spectacular Hollywood Brown Derby, a pretty good approximation of the original Brown Derby, frequented by the stars and decorated with signed caricatures (I spotted Bette Davis’s and Fred Astaire’s).

The service, as usual, was impeccable: friendly, helpful, discreet and informative.  The steaks were absolutely amazing (I think most of us ordered one):

Again, no room for dessert, but obviously we squeezed in a quick cocktail (made by the crappest cocktail waiter in the world, the lovely Craig, who took so long making our cocktails (checking his recipe every ten seconds), that we missed our showing of Fantasmic.  In fact, as one of my fellow bloggers pointed out, this photo looks misleadingly like he was moving at speed.  He wasn’t.

Instead, we retired back to our resort, Walt Disney’s Beach Club, to down more mojitos and get all sillly and giggly.  Poor Sarah started to look vaguely scared, especially when a competition to see who could say motherf*cker the fastest got into full swing.  We retire to bed a little tired and emotional (it’s the jet lag you see).

So that’s my first two days, then.  But brace yourself, you’ve got the other five to come, plus roundups of the main resorts, plus the parks, Disney’s Dining Plan, prices, packages, some amazing Disney facts and some rather wondrous exclusive Disney scoops.

Here’s a final DISNEY FACT to keep you on your toes: Walt Disney’s brain is widely held to be kept in a secret location, cryogenically frozen.  This is a load of horse poo.  He was just buried like everybody else.  See, you’re gagging for more now, I can tell….

Oh Mickey you’re so fine….

So there we were.  Fresh from the V-lounge at Gatwick where we drank complementary Innocent smoothies and nibbled free pastries.  Child-free for an entire week.  Sipping champagne.  Nestled in our comfy seats with the pull-out footrest and the flip-out video screen.  Our seats on the top deck of the Virgin Atlantic plane.  In premium economy (oh yes, dahling, Disney upgraded us).  Well, dear reader, we completely lost the plot.  There was giggling.  And quite a lot of ‘oh my God’, some snorty laughter, but mostly giggling.

So you know the story – bunch of ordinary extraordinary Mummy bloggers get invited on trip-of-a-lifetime to Walt Disney World where they stay in Deluxe Disney Resorts, visit all the others, get VIP tours round all the parks, sample all the best Disney restaurants and hobnob with the likes of Mickey and Daisy…

It happened.  It really did.  But it was actually better than that.  My fellow bloggers were kind, sweet, ridiculously funny and raving alcoholics to boot.  We had the time of our lives.  I will bore you to death with this in more intricate nauseatingly mind-numbing detail, but I’ll leave you, for now, with my Disney top-ten moments:

1. Finding out that just because you go to Disney you don’t have to eat burgers and fries.  I didn’t eat a burger the whole time.  I ate meltingly tender steaks… the sweetest scallops… the crispest, spiciest calamari… the freshest red snapper… the most sumptuous desserts… oh I could go on.  Well, I actually will go on.  Just give me time.
2. Rediscovering the ability to actually be a bit of a kid again: I danced.  I ate until I felt sick.  I screamed on roller coasters.  I ‘oohed’ and ‘ahhhed’ at lions and giraffes.  I nearly wet my pants laughing when Laura fell over in the bus (‘blogger down!’).  I got completely involved in American Idol and screeched like a lunatic when my favourite won.  I got kissed by Chip ‘n’ Dale.  I swam in azure waters.  I laughed until I cried (in fact, I snorted uncontrollably, but that was because Linda was present).
3. My first glimpse of the Grand Floridian Hotel.  There are no superlatives.  They have speedboats on the lake for the guests.  No, really.
4. Bursting into spontaneous tears watching the ‘Wishes’ firework display at The Magic Kingdom.  And I wasn’t the only one.
5. Rushing up to a couple of newlyweds wearing ‘Groom’ and ‘Bride’ Mickey ears and asking to take their photos (I have no shame).  Evidence to follow.
6. Visiting the Bibbidy Bobbidy Boutique where little girls can get a full Disney princess makeover (and later stumbling upon miniature princesses resplendent in full princess regalia tootling around the parks with their parents).
7. Sitting in total wonderment as a roomful of little kids sit in front of an aquarium and have a real conversation with Crush from ‘Finding Nemo’ – he answers their questions and everything!!!  Awesome, Dude.
8. Resisting the urge to dive fully clothed into the enormous Melt-Away Bay – one whole acre of turquoise loveliness, complete with a rockin’ wave machine.
9. Taking part in some really extreme hotel testing: this involved cutting myself shaving (it was a bit of a gusher) and not knowing what to do with my bloody towels (blood’s just not really that Disney is it?) and leaving them piled in the bath like some sort of serial killer; Laura exploding a bottle of coke, sending sticky fountains of spray over our fellow Beach Club guests; Alice causing the coffee machine to sponaneously combust and coating her entire room in a fine layer of coffee and Linda nearly killing an entire family of chino-clad American guests with her toppling suitcase (they went over like dominos which was, of course, not in the remotest bit amusing). 
10. Finding ourselves so totally and utterly dependent on the wondrous Sarah (or Mary Poppins as she became known) to the extent that whenever we found ourselves without her we were unable to function.  Once, she stopped in the middle of the road to take a call and we all immediately ground to a halt next to her – risking life and limb like a band of happy lemmings. What will we do now we no longer have Sarah to shuffle along behind in a tight arrowhead formation? 

Ah, happy memories.  And much more to come.  No, come back, I’ve only just started…

In Florida and loving it!

Hello all, just a quick blog to say I’m having fun in Florida with my fellow bloggers.  Taking loads of photos and looking forward to telling you all about it.  I’m on LittleMummy.com’s laptop so better give it back now, but I’ll be back soon.  Play nice til I get back!  EM xxx

The Friday photo: the good, the bad, the painful and the sad

So it’s been a bit of a mad week really, what with all the planning for The Big Trip on Monday (did I mention I’m going to Florida?).  

The good news:

• I’m going Aer Lingus to Gatwick!!! (I hate Ryanair : all that cattle-market bustle for a seat).
• I did buy myself some new pants
• My Ma sent me dollars AND sterling!!!  (Thanks Ma xxx)
• Tomorrow is #1, the Mad Professor’s birthday, which I’m not sure should really be in the good news section.  I mean, I can’t possibly have a 14 year old child.  Remember how old you thought your parents were when you were 14?  I’ll let you know about the birthday cake tomorrow.  
• Parent consultations went really well – The Mad Professor is ‘a joy to teach’ (doesn’t get that from me) and ‘keeps me on my toes asking loads of questions’.  Apparently he never stops talking either, which could possibly be from me.  

The bad news:

• I didn’t get my highlights done
• Nor did I get a bikini wax (I did, though, drag the dreaded, bastard epilator out of its case, where, once again, it made me cry real fat tears of agony whilst simultaneously ripping my body hair from my flesh – still, the rash has died down now and at least I don’t resemble a Wookie any more).  
• I didn’t find a travel plug (surely they have hairdryers in hotels these days?  It’s been a while…)
• I didn’t find a bag suitable for hand luggage, unless you count the pink Nike backpacks they sell in Lifestyle Sports, but I’m not really a backpack girl.  I’m wondering if I can get away with a Tesco bag-for-life until I reach the shopping haven that is Gatwick Airport?
• Hubby gave Bert a bone which he ate, then yacked up in strategic positions all over the house.  He waited until I washed his bed and all his blankets before yacking on them all again.

The sad news:  although I’ll be posting, no doubt, while I’m away, I just thought I’d mention that it’s a whole year since my lovely friend C died.  D and the kids are doing well but it’ll be a sad time and I’m sorry I won’t be here to share it with them.  Still, she’ll be in my thoughts, as she is every day.  D has ordered the gravestone (you have to leave it a year) and she’ll have the lilac stones that she wanted and the picture from her graduation on her headstone (which we tried to talk her out of ['what if they make you look ugly?!], but she was insistent – funnily enough it’s actually quite common here in Ireland to have a picture on the grave – apparently it’s sent away to Italy or somewhere to be etched into the stone) in time for her first anniversary.

Have a great weekend!! xx

English Mum in Americky: 7 go mad at Walt Disney World

So here’s a thing.  What would you do if an email landed in your inbox which said ‘hey, EM, fancy an all-expenses paid week at Walt Disney World in Florida?’ (okay, yours wouldn’t say EM obviously, but you get my point).

Well, if you’re Hubby you’d be instantly suspicious that it’s some kind of clever kidnap plot by a gang of human traffickers.  But no, I’ve checked and it’s real.  I’m off to Disney.  It’s all part of the Think Parents Network of which I am a proud member – we’re a happy little band of parent bloggers that chat about various issues and give feedback on products and issues relevant to our special status as people who have produced children and feel the need to talk about it.

And oh no, as I keep pointing out to my seriously disgruntled offspring, this isn’t at all a solo jolly where 7 mummy bloggers get to run riot without their children for 7 days around Walt Disney World, oh no.  This is work.  We need to… erm… review things and experience things and er… stuff.  Oh yes, we’ve got an itinerary and everything.

But the initial excitement has morphed into something akin to panic as I actually consider the prospect of a week away from English Towers.  I mean, firstly, there’s the whole issue of what the hell they’ll do without me.  Will Hubby be able to cope?  Can he make packed lunches as well as I can?  Will they catch the bus?  Can he sort washing into colours?  Can he load the machine?  Will he remember to feed Bert?  Will I return, happy and suntanned to find English Towers looking more like Nelson Mandela House with two wasted, grey children and an even more emaciated than usual greyhound? 

And then there’s personal stuff.  I mean, take my bikini line.  Well, it’s less of a line, more of a rather aggressive boundary dispute between neighbours.  It’s been a few months since it saw the inside of a beauty salon.  And let’s face it, the DIY approach didn’t really work, did it? 

And this leads me neatly on to the bikini issue.  Will I need to get undressed?  And will people look at my thighs?  If so, will they stand up to scrutiny?  Plastic surgery’s probably a little beyond my budget, and anyway, I’m a bit tight for time, frankly.  Note to self: buy lots of fake tan.

Then there’s my hair.  I did finally visit the hairdresser for a trim, having noticed that I was resembling the neighbouring sheep in a rather worrying fashion, but my highlights are more like mediumlights as they start around halfway down my hair, and I have no money to fix this right now.  Note to self: buy a hat.  A big one.

And there’s another thing: I HAVE NO MONEY!  What if my fellow travellers all turn up with Gucci handbags and a goldcard, and I have to traipse around after them in some flash Florida mall while they flex their plastic and I pretend I’m really not into shopping.  The shame. 

And what about tipping?  Do I need to take vast amounts of cash to tip everyone?  I’ve never been to Americky – don’t you have to tip everyone from the porter to the taxi driver to the person that says ‘have a nice day’ and opens the door for you?  They seem to do that in Two and a Half Men.  I watched it yesterday as research.

Then there’s all those little worries, like will anyone actually like me?  Will they already know each other?  Mind you, as one of my fellow travellers pointed out, with 6 travelling companions surely at least one will tolerate me for a week?  Hmm?  Surely.  But hang on, if there’s 7 of us, they could all pair up and leave me on my own.  Ohhhh… pressure.

Will I, heady with the sudden freedom of being solo and child-free, get horribly drunk and reveal the minutiae of my love life to a stunned and silent audience?  Or fall over and show the entire restaurant my knickers? 

Oh God, and then there’s my knickers – will I be sharing a room with another Mum?  And if so, should I buy some new knickers?  Ones without holes?  Will my faded pink Hello Kitty pants from H&M stand up to scrutiny?

But still, there are pluses.  My first ever trip to the States… the chance to spend a week with 6 incredible fellow Mummy bloggers at an amazing place… the possibility that I might actually get to meet Phineas and Ferb… a flight (with nobody to take to the toilet!) on Virgin Atlantic…  And free booze!  Yay!

Be afraid, Mickey.  Be very afraid.