Repeat 100 times: ‘I must not think for myself’
I’m angry. I’m just so bloody angry. Let me explain:
Recently, #1, The Mad Professor, came home with a face like thunder. He’d been given a detention, he said. Now, firstly, this is unheard of. As far as I remember he’s never been in trouble at school. He’s an achiever, more motivated in his schoolwork that I or his father ever were. He has endless potential. And I’m not just saying that as his very proud mother. Since moving back to England he’s had to contend with learning a whole new system, moving from Irish Junior Certificate to English GCSEs. He’s had tons of coursework to catch up on, and he’s never once moaned or complained, he’s just cracked on. The teachers have been brilliant, helping him after school and during lunchtime to work on the stuff he’s missed. He’s often to be found reading text books late into the night, if I don’t stop him.
So, as you can imagine, the detention was a shock.
Apparently, although the school didn’t bother to inform us, there was some kind of school maths challenge, where schools across the country enter their best pupils. All good, you’d think. But when do the geniuses schedule this inter-school p*ssing contest?
During the school day.
Worse than that, it was across two of #1′s GCSE lessons, in particular a French lesson where he was working on a very hard piece of coursework, which had, incidentally kept us up rather late the night before.
So I’m proud to say, my teenager made a choice. He chose his coursework. He duly attended his lessons, told his teacher what he’d decided, and worked hard. He then attended this next lesson as nomal. He was then confronted by a maths teacher asking why he didn’t attend the maths challenge. He explained that he was worried about his coursework and had decided to attend his normal lessons. He also told said teacher that he’d informed his GCSE lesson teachers of his decision. He was then given a detention and told that the school ‘cannot condone children making their own decisions’.
WTF?
So the school would rather they were allowed to ‘pimp out’ my clever child in a maths competition, rather than let him get on with his work? What’s wrong with common sense? By all means allow children to enter competitions, I’m all for it, but schedule them at the end of the school day, or send a letter home informing parents and allowing them to decide, with their kids, whether they want to attend. Furthermore, I wonder if there’s some kind of ‘league table’ or ‘winners board’ in all this that’s motivating them?
I was furious. What’s more, a quite civilised email conversation about it with his maths teacher where I explained our position was ended abruptly, and next thing we knew, we received a letter from the head insisting the #1 do the detention to ‘draw a line under the matter’.
Well, we chatted to #1 about it, and assured him that we would support him 100% whichever way he wanted to go. At the end of this, it was decided that for the sake of his classwork (and for the sake of the 4 or 5 of his compadrés that also decided not to do the challenge and had already accepted the detention), he would attend, and get it over and done with.
And does it end there? Sadly not.
At the end of the detention, the Head of Maths decided that she’d take the boys to one side and spend ten minutes having a high pitched rant at them. One particular peach was a jibe about: ’how much trouble you’ve caused the school’ (what? YOU caused the trouble with your crap timetabling) and, more seriously was the threat: ‘if you want to take maths at A level, you’d better stay on the right side of me’.
Er, pardon? Now I’m sorry, but by the time a pupil is nearly 15 shouldn’t he be treated more like an adult, and in return be expected to act like one? I appreciate if children ‘bunk off’ left, right and centre, or misbehave, they deserve punishment, but present a child with an impossible situation and then punish him for choosing his GCSEs? And worse, shout in his face, insinuating, whilst screeching at him in a hormonal manner, that you could make or break his school career? I never, ever shout in my child’s face. And I certainly don’t expect his teachers to either.
What is it with schools? Why take a perfectly good student and pursue a matter so far and so aggressively that you risk alienating him, turning him against the school, and almost encouraging him to rebel?
This, believe me, is not the end.
* * * * * * * U P D A T E * * * * * * *
And it wasn’t the end. After firing off a ‘Mrs Angry’ email to the head, I got a call this morning from #1′s maths teacher (also Ms Hormonal’s line manager), apologising for her actions, and assuring me that she will be told in no uncertain terms that she was out of order for both her manner and her words. I was told that it will be dealt with by him and the head, but if I wish to take it further I need to put a formal complaint in writing. He said that he had to take some of the blame also, for the fiasco. Now what?
I always used to err on the side of the school, assume that little oddities that got repeated were my child’s misinterpretation of a situation. I don’t do that anymore…my children need to know that I’m on their side, that I’ll take them seriously, and that I’ll fight their corner when needs be and if that means that occasionally the lioness has to roar…then so be it! Let us know how you go
xx
Well done #1 for doing what you want to to!
For crying out loud-if I was you, the teachers and head would be so afraid of me right now.
Hmmmm-what about speaking to a journalist in your area. Am quite sure the school would love THAT publicity! *evil laugh*
Had a bit of this attitude at my old school. They were obsessed with the stats that made them look good at the expense of the pupils. That school folded a few years back.
Thank goodness there are parents like you who will stand up for what’s right.
I’ve had “issues” with a teacher myself at son #1′s school – much much more serious than this – and it was very professionally sorted out and I’m pleased with the outcome. However, I would not be a high school teacher for all the tea in China. I don’t care how fantastic the personal rewards are, the daily contact with hormonal teenagers must be like walking a tightrope every single day of your working life!!!
I always believe you have to be the biggest advocate for your child in the school system private or state. It’s not being pushy it’s just being sensible.
Well done for have the courage to take a stand.
My school was very much about the prestige of doing well and if you did do well it got recognised but if you turned down certain ‘oppourtunities’ some staff would make it known they weren’t on your side.
Ahh the joys of school :-s
MissSearles x
I think a look at their policies may be in order.. I think that within those policies u will not find anywhere that a child should b punished for making their own decision nevermind a good decision that ment him completing important course work, course work that relates to his exams… would this maths challenge have marks to his exams?? I dont bloody think so!!
I have taken my sons school to task on 3 different occassions 2 for my eldest 1 for my youngest!I even involved the head of health for schools.. ha ha that went down like a lead balloon!!! believe me … when u start quoting their own policies in their faces they do not like it! also the word Ofsted also strikes the fear of god in them … especially when u quote the bits about children learning to become independant, making choices and as educaters that is their p###ing job!!!
They may think they can lord over children, But its about time they realised that most kids have lovin protective intelligent parents.. who will play merry hell if their children are treated unfairly!!!
Im behind u all the way chick … feel like ringing them myself!!!! makes my blood boil!!!
xxx
Well done to you for sticking to your guns. Hope you got your probs sorted properly xx
A secondary school teacher ‘barked’ at me the other day. She wanted to know how some of the pupils had got onto the bus before it officially stopped at the school. I shrugged my shoulders and said I didn’t know (big lie), I wasn’t going to grass them up. The bus driver had let them on early. No big deal, he does that every day. She marched the pupils off the bus and then screamed at them, waving arms in the air madly, for a further five minutes. Crazy!
I had some serious run-ins with my local secondary school in the past. My daughter didn’t toe the line and ended up in trouble, ( she started a petition about the transport of calves to the continent) the farmers didn’t like it, the headmaster took the side of the farmers. I was eventually summoned to the school to talk with him but I refused as the outcome was that he would intimidate me. I was angry.
My daughter is an achiever.
All her friends are achievers.
I heard on the grapevine that the head regretted his behaviour.
This is a morning rant, I am angry again!
Luckily the eldest son had staff that were sympathetic to his choices. Supported him well when he complained of incompetant teaching, incorrect facts in lessons & other stances that he took whilst there.
However, the youngest son suffered at the hands of one particular teacher who delighted in humiliating him despite his being a Performing Arts genius. It was, amazingly enough his Performing Arts teacher who did this. She was forever dragging him out of his core subject for one rehearsal or another. He was the lead role in many of her performances, he was in two choirs for her & ran a choir alone for younger pupils in his lunch time. When he refused in his final year to take time from his personal life to perform at a Church ( which was not part of the curriculum, just a ‘look at my choir, aren’t I wonderful exercise) she took it upon herself to publicly lambast & humiliate him in front of other pupils whilst he was waiting to enter an exam.
This was the final straw for said mild natured son.
He went straight to the Head, he left both of her choirs (which caused their collapse as he was so popular) and told the Teacher concerned exactly what he thought of her. He received a dentention and to cut a long story short, refused. I supported this decision fully & had a two month battle on my hands before it was resolved. It did involve threatening the school with the LEA & the Govenors!
Now my twin girls are almost four, it is the thought of encountering nonsense such as this & all the other issues I have with school that has prompted us to seriously consider home schooling.
I am not sure my anger could be contained for another 15 years!!
I wish you luck with your complaints, sometimes it’s like talking to a brick wall and teachers are often under the illusion that they are a law unto themselves…..
Have very distinct memories of similar attitude at both my school and my brother’s school. In my brother’s case, it was all about him not playing on the school rugby team because he had a shoulder injury. He was a good player, a bloody good player – we’re talking potential to go professional. But the coach didn’t believe him about his injusry and basically started bullying him, questioning his sexuality (like that matters!!!) and putting him out on the pitch again and again because all he cared about were the bloody team results – they had a reputation to maintain after all. Honour was at stake. (Note my sarcastic tone of typing.)
Little bro kept it quiet because he thought he was in the wrong, didn’t want to question authority – who was the teacher after all – as you do at that age…
End result – it finally came out one time when he was in too much pain to move… My mum, dad and the headmaster had to confront the coach and make him back the eff off. Even then, he swore blind that my little bro was making it up. The headmaster had to point out that he didn’t know many lads more honest than Little Bro.
And my brother is now stuck with a gippy shoulder for the rest of his life and can’t play rugby again.
That’s what I would do (with lots of The Look)
You must be very proud of your son though. Putting his coursework first is seriously impressive!
How utterly utterly ridiculous.
I’m seething for you. It’s just back to front, updide down , twisted crazy.
His future is far more important than any competition and he did absolutely the right thing. What a conciencious boy you have. He’s a credit to you.
It is just a pissing contest among the schools and from the sounds of it your son just wants to learn.
Remind them that this is what schools are there for, and it’s what their job is.
We’re hoping to relocate back to the UK from USA towards the beginning of the summer and truth be told, I’m getting a bit worried about the whole change in schooling system.
Before I read down to the end I was thinking that everyone sounds like they’re afraid of her, but they seem to have found their backbone.
You should be proud of your son – tell him from me!!!
I think the suggestion of seeing what #1 wants to do next is a good idea. He’s old enough to have a view, and may just want to draw a line under it. Might be worth sharing some of the other options with him though, like way registering it in writing might be a good idea, not just for him but others around him.
Jeez, welcome back to the UK system!
Hx
I feel very cross on your behalf.
I haven’t really got any words of advice, but I don’t often comment here and I just wanted to say I hope you get it all sorted.
Congrats for a super son!
Please don’t tar all schools with the same brush. As a Maths teacher myself, I try to encourage my best pupils to take part in the Intermediate Maths Challenge (and no, there’s no league table stuff involved) and I have to overcome a lot of peer pressure for some to do it (I end up telling those who want to do it, but don’t want to appear ‘geeks’ to tell their mates I made them do it), but I would never,ever make a child take part, nor would I punish any who didn’t. If a child was entered and just didn’t turn up, I may have a word about letting us know they weren’t going to do it out of courtesy, but that’s it.
Sounds like his teacher is buckling under stress and taking it out on the kids (at times of stress, patience is the first thing that goes), but that is no excuse. Pupils come first, always do, always will.
I would tell your son that he has learned about the fact that life is not fair and not everyone you encounter in life is reasonable; sometimes you have to accept it and sometimes you do something about it. What you do now is up to you.
All I would ask is that if you take the trouble to complain about this one, then redress the balance by doing something to show you appreciate the good ones.