Personal blogging: cathartic or a step too far?
I was interested to read (on Twitter, via my friend Laura) that the legendary blogger, Petite Anglaise, was hanging up her keyboard once and for all. And although our thoughts turned first to the fact that it will leave a space in the #1 slot of the Top 100 British Mummy Bloggers chart (elbows out, girls!…hey, hang on, I’m down 9 places to #15 – the shame!), her reasons for ‘turning the page’ on blogging were very interesting.
It seems that personal blogging, the very thing that earned her the lucrative book deal and led to a career as a writer, had started to leave an unpleasant taste in her mouth. If you don’t know the story, she famously got fired by her boss, about whom she was distinctly unpleasant, when her anonymous blog came to light (she did subsequently win damages against him in court, though). The story made her quite famous, but once the anonymity had been removed, there was the constant worry that somebody would be upset or offended with what she might say, and with that new-found worry came the inevitable dearth of subject matter. Interesting, also, that it was THIS INTERVIEW with Liz Jones, a weirdly neurotic, no-holds-barred journo who has managed to alienate half her family and her entire village (including my friend and fellow Disney 7er Exmoor Jane) with her bare-all style of writing, that finally tipped her over the edge. But in short, she just stopped enjoying it.
I sympathise, I really do. When I started my blog, way back when we first moved to Ireland, I was obsessive about anonymity and never posted pictures of anyone I knew. Slowly, I’ve relaxed this rule. I still try not to post full-face photos of the children, or anyone whose permission I haven’t sought (Mad Uncle Alg is fair game, obviously), and don’t mention people’s full names. But now we’re settled here, it’s natural that more and more people get to know me, start to read the blog, and my cover has been, I suppose, somewhat blown. In fact, I’ve even been caught out giving my rather frank views by someone that turned out to be a reader. Yup, that was awkward. I’d hate to think I’d ever hurt anyone by what I’d written and I’ll always check first with, say, D-next-door before I mention C, or the kids.
With all this in mind, I’ve had a long hard think about this blog and did decide to go back and remove certain pictures and videos, including our wedding vid. You can still email me for a link, but I wondered if I was going too far towards making my family live a life online, so I took a step back.
Add this to the fact that I now write for other websites, such as the fabulous HaveALovelyTime.com and you’ll probably find my first name dotted about, if you really look hard. Funnily enough, when I, and my fellow Disney adventurers travelled to Walt Disney World and met up with our American alter-egos, the ‘Mommy Bloggers’, they were completely dumbfounded by our wish to remain anonymous. Most published their full names, pictures of themselves and their families and couldn’t understand why we wouldn’t wish to do the same:
‘What, you don’t WANT to be famous?’
‘Erm, no, actually, I don’t’.
Englishmum.com is a, I suppose, a bit of an eccentric mix. There’s family stuff, yes, but the foodie/garden stuff tends to take precendence. And if I’m honest, I suppose that as the children get older, it’s harder to write honestly without risking embarrassing them in front of their school mates (#1′s been known to comment whilst in his IT lesson). My readership has risen steadily (thank you!) and though I’m sure I’ve lost and gained different readers as my content has meandered, I am lucky to be blessed with friendly and loyal readers and commenters. I regard my blog as a little piece of me. It’s stuffed full of things that I love and I’m always happy that people pop in and enjoy reading my waffle.
And this, I suppose, brings me neatly on to the fact that after much soul-searching, we’ve decided to have Bert rehomed. This is a HUGE decision for us, but basically he’s been showing some signs of aggression for a while and obviously our children have to be our main priority. There’s a load of history behind this that I won’t bore you with, but my lovely mate Jen is still in touch with a lot of people in greyhound rescue, and is going to make sure he goes to a good home somewhere with people that know his history and will really love and care for him well. I’m sad, but I think it’s the right thing to do.
So for now, I’ll crack on (800 posts, 8553 comments and counting…), I’ll continue to be anonymous-ish, and there’ll be the same old stuff – maybe a bit more food and a bit less about the fellas, and obviously no more Bert, but don’t worry, if anyone humiliates themselves in any way, you’ll be the first to know.
Oh and here’s my rather pathetic review on Mmmmmmcake. ‘It was nice’? C minus for effort there.
70 Responses to “Personal blogging: cathartic or a step too far?”
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You had a lovely time with him though and we probably would never have found each other without the hounds, and that would have been dreadful!!!
My blog is quite public – but it has not affected my family or friends. I try not to post when I’m feeling down though – can’t cope with sympathy I suppose….
Keep smiling!!!!
I know, you almost kick yourself if you post something miserable, because then there’s all these people trying to perk you up and you feel all guilty then! xx
I am occasionally hampered for subject matter from being out in the open, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Usually they are posts I should think twice about posting anyway.
We had to rehome our dog when he began to growl at my son when he was a baby. As you say, kids come first. Makes you feel like a bit of a failure and irresponsible person, but in reality you’re anything but.
And I’m pleased you said that – we’ve definitely felt like we did something wrong somewhere along the line with Bert. Thanks, you’ve made me feel better.
i’m delighted. lovely post and lovely comments. Berticus will be grand and so will you.
now, we just have to work on making millions of euro mwahahahahaha xx
well done
i completely think you’re doing the right thing. xxx
As hard as it was, I’m sure you’ve made the right decision for you guys and for Bert too.xxxxx ((hugs)).
And thanks, I hope so x
My blog is not about my family but they influence what I do so they have to be mentioned. My blog started as a way to capture something to ‘pass it on’ to my little one. Instead of a scribbled cookbook, I thought to pass on a diary. We all start them for different reasons.
Sorry to hear about Bert. God it must have been so hard to make the decision.
It was the hardest decision ever. I just hope we’ve made it right xx
I love the openess and honesty of your blog, and although I have known you longer than anyone else on here, your blog is you… and your readers know ‘you’ in the blogging sense. You have to give quite a lot of You to your blog to make it what it is, and to make it different from others …. if that makes sense ???
Can Bert fly to Slovakia ??… and I will be blogging again soon… just been a tad busy etc …. x
Yeh, I think you’re right in that this blog would be exactly the same if I wasn’t anonymous – so it’s not as though I really change anything except people’s names. And yes, get blogging please, I hope you’ll be chronicling your move?! xx
EM: I am very happy being anonymous and I really don’t want my photo or information plastered all over the internet, thank you very much. Fame – you can keep it, but money, well, I will take that thank you very much! So, if anyone wants to pay me for my blog, pop on over and make me an offer.
EM, I love reading your blog. It is a great way for me to keep track of you, your family and your exploits and I feel closer to you because of it. It makes me laugh and it makes me cry and I look forward to opening every new post, even if it is all pink or some recipe that I know I will never cook since me and my oven don’t always see eye to eye – well, if it would start cleaning itself, I might get to like it.
Here is hoping that you can find the lovely Bertster a wonderful new home. I had a friend who had to give up her dog when it bit one of her boys. She cried for two weeks. I shall tell you the same thing that I told her – I would have kept the dog and got rid of the children! Do you think perhaps there is a reason that I can’t have kids!?!
That’s the best thing about blogging – the connection with your friends and family even when we’re all hundreds of miles away from each other. And yes, okay then, you can have my kids….
xx
Re: blogging and anonymity, it’s a tough one. It’s really a personal thing in that some people welcome the attention that their ‘real’ persona gets – good or bad – whilst others feel uncomfortable about it, especially when families become involved.
My blog’s not really personal but I am and have been a member of forums (usually music ones) and when I was younger and a lot more naive about the internet I threw caution to the wind and let my real name & some details out there. While it has led to meeting some lovely people – and it’s always strange hearing ‘are you sweetoblivion?!’ while in a pub or at a gig – I’ve really toned down giving out personal details (especially using pictures) in the past year.
I suppose the key is just doing what you feel comfortable with, and learning from your mistakes (if any).
And thanks, yes, we’ll miss him, but you’re right, we have to do the right thing by the kids (and him) xx
I’ve had problems with my blog in the past – family very hurt, famous people cross, etc….and am now very very cautious. Rightly so I think.
But Bert, oh Bert. I feel for you and totally understand too. Big hug and a smacker. jxxxxx
(actually to be honest,if it were blueness, I’d probably have had him rehomed after he ate the house! I’d have to just to save him from a murderous husband)give him an ear scritch from me before he goes xxx
(blue waves paw at bert)
But I also think it’s important for bloggers to realise that what they’re writing is in a public forum – even if you think you’re anonymous, you’re not necessarily. So don’t ever post anything you wouldn’t want your neighbour, your boss, your ex or your kids’ teachers to know about.
My personal view is that I don’t post pictures of Flea that would identify her – because she isn’t old enough to make that decision for herself and I feel I don’t have the right to choose for her.
I also have a “fake” “real” online identity – in that I consistently use the same wrong birthdays, names, places and so on – using consistent substitutes protects our anonymity to an extent, without losing the authenticity of the writing.
Of course you’re right – a lot of blogging is about links and mutual mentions, etc, and I love that bit about it – the ‘camaraderie’ that exists, as it were.
I certainly couldn’t keep up a fake identity though – I haven’t got the memory (or the inclination, to be fair!).
Keep on keeping on with the blog, your so enjoyable. (That’s saying alot from someone who’s not into Pink.)
I’m seriously thinking of letting mine go quietly into the great beyond. So much going on at the moment and I’m not sure it’s time well spent or fun any more.
Really interesting piece, I often think about what I’m putting up. Now feeling a bit worried/concerned/confused about MGGs pictures. Not sure there. My name has been bandied about for so long with work that I’ve stopped thinking about it, def not driven by a desire for fame though! Can’t imagine anything worse. I’d have to go and fetch in those droopy old pants off the washing line for a start. But only after I’d done my makeup. And combed my hair
As for personal blogging, I’m fairly open with names and pics but I’ve been very careful not to write anything particularly personal. Over the three and a half years I’ve been blogging my blog has changed enormously and has become less factual and more personal, but more about me than the parenting side.
I think it’s natural to evolve, you either do that or you give up I think.
Also never sure to where to draw the line on anonymity. I’m a bit more open these days – in terms of my name, a couple of personal details here and there. Nothing incriminating (of which there is obviously plenty
), nothing that would get me sacked. But after that… I dunno. I waver a lot about it but I don’t think I’ll ever share as much as say, either Jones or Petite. *Goes away to have more of a think about it*
Such a shame about Bert, I’d love to know why he’s getting aggressive he looked like such a puss! Maybe as the kids are getting older, he’s asserting himself as the ‘alpha male’.
And at least we got to see the wedding photos which were lovely by the way and the amazing video. Then there’s always Facebook where you can pick and choose your readers.
Happy to sent you houndy stories as Wills is always getting into some pickle or other (we were at the vets again last week for a scratched cornea!) although pics to accompany the stories is another matter!!
Anynomity has always confused me. I know it makes sense in theory but I can’t figure out where the line is most of the time.
And I thought of you when I was typing this – you had the same decision to make with wedding photos recently – it’s so tough isn’t it, because you want to share your life with everybody… xx
ps. I think you should have loadsa picks up cause you’re so hawt!
And I know what you mean about the personal blogging thing. I regularly regret not making mine anonymous from the start, because my subject matter is limited severely by having to go through everything to make sure I won’t offend anyone. I’m half tempted to start an anonymous one too…
Then again, not being anonymous means we get to make all these great friends through blogging. I guess that helps to balance it out a bit! x
hugs mrs……………rx
Can you make sure that Jen finds him a home with a blogger?
I’d love to have him, but I’m stuck with a neurotic collie and three guinea pigs [all female] who are making one hell of a racket as they all try and shag each other. My nerves couldn’t take any more. *sigh*
And, hang on, the collie tries to shag the guinea pigs?
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