On love, sisterhood, and friendship
I love, adore and worship my friends and family. They are the kindest, funniest, most diverse bunch of lunatics ever. They’re splodged across the country, across the world, even, but it doesn’t matter. From Canada and Slovakia, from America, Ireland, Edinburgh, the Midlands, London, Devon and just down the road, whether I saw them last Friday or last year, I cherish the fact that they care about me, that they’ve ‘got my back’, that they’d do anything for me, that I could say anything and they’d understand. They’re the best.
Recently, amongst the funny, happy, silly madness that is my inbox, there was nestled a really shitty email. When I read it, it took my breath away. Not only because of the content, but it was from somebody that I know. They criticised me (and something I had written) in a really hurtful way.
Not feeling as though I should have to explain myself, and also not wishing to engage in some ridiculous, protracted argument, I just replied that I was sad that the person felt they could speak to me like that, and that it was all I had to say on the matter.
Here’s the rub: why do people – in particular, women – feel that they have the right to criticise others? I see it time and time again. What makes them so fabulous that they’re worthy of telling other people what they perceive that they have done wrong? The internet seems to have made things worse – people will type things about and to other people that they just wouldn’t say to their faces. I think this is cowardly. What example are we setting our children? If we accept this behaviour, how will they treat their own friends? What happened to ‘live and let live’? What happened to sisterhood?
I’m just me. I’m not particularly thin, not particularly fabulous looking, not fantastically clever or talented, in fact not really that remarkable at all. But I don’t think I’m unkind, unpleasant or spiteful either. I don’t write nasty things. I don’t snipe, or bitch, and I should not have to – and will not – defend myself or explain myself to people who feel they are somehow qualified to criticise me. What I say, and what I think (and what I write on here – be it recipe, travel tip, review, comment or opinion) is me. If you don’t like me, don’t hang out with me. Don’t read what I have to say.
Recently, my lovely friend Lucy carried the following quote on her blog:
I’m a passionate believer that women are women’s greatest allies; women need other women – in good times and in bad. A strong girlfriend or group of girlfriends can get you through things you’d never quite manage alone, and if you mess up along the way, they’ll still be there for you afterwards. What’s more – you’ll get to laugh about it, and those laughs help keep everything in perspective.
I’ve written about sisterhood before. And here, for the record, is my own personal pledge:
If I do one thing today, it will be to tell my friends and family how fabulous they are, what I love about them and the qualities that I most admire. I will cherish the people I love, strive to make new friends, never be guilty of excluding anyone from my social circle, no matter how complete I think it is. I will be brave and strike up a conversation, I will compliment a total stranger, I will smile across a crowded room. I will take no notice of those intent on spreading cynicism and ill-feeling. I will live for today, love unconditionally and celebrate the fact that we are all, obviously, in this together.
Spread the word, sisters.
I wholeheartedly agree with you that we should spend more time thinking how we might support one another than trying to knock someone down. Negativity, bitching and sniping are such ugly traits.
Just for the record though I think you’re clever and fabulous looking … sometimes you’re a chump but I love you for it.
You just go on being you EM, it’s why you have so many lovely friends who will stick by you through thick or thin.
Even if you’re a monkey hater . . .
Word.
x
Karin
I find it sad that women behave this way but your post has restored my faith so ‘high five sister’ and thanks!
I have decided that she mustn’t be too happy with her own lot in life (although she should be in my opinion) or she’s just a jealous bitchy person!
We, as women, HAVE forgotten how to be friends, and that makes me sad. More ladies(!) need to read this post, and then read it AGAIN. And open their minds whilst they do so.
This is a GREAT post, and (in my mind), I leapt up and gave you a high-five.
But I didn’t check your bottom because I’m still too afraid to ask about that.
*squoosh* xxxx
friends are the best thing in the world aren’t they?
=)
and re the blog.. you know how I feel about friends and family, and it’s so easy to type and send harsh words…. cheap shots from some people
You, my lovely, are blooming fabulous, in every way!
xxx
You know what I mean x
Do unto others and all that
You are such a lovely, talented, warm woman.
Go get ‘em and keep on keeping on.
Your friends love you, your family loves you, what else could anyone want, apart from a roof over their head and food to eat?
Well the odd shag I suppose.
Good day and I hope the overwhelming response to your post has shown you what a star you are, you should always have known this, so I hope you can truly believe it.
Mwah xx
PS: If that offer still stands for the shag, I’ll be popping up in your bedroom on our roadtrip xx