Mum likes a good sausage…
Conversations around our kitchen table are getting more and more bizarre. This one, for example, occurred last night:
The scene: because I haven’t ventured to Enniskillen for several weeks (pre-Disney, in fact) there is nothing to eat in the entire house. Hubby and #1 are eating Pot Noodles, rescued from some dark recess of the kitchen cupboards, while #2 and Little C settle on cheese on toast:
#1 (spitting something into hand): ‘What’s this squishy bit?’
Me: ‘That would be some form of reconsituted soya stuff. You didn’t really expect to find real chicken in a Pot Noodle did you?’
#1: ‘Ew. Dad, I’m not sure I like these. Bet they’re full of MSG too.’
Me: ‘Don’t shatter your father’s illusions. It’s some sort of Father/son rite of passage, eating Pot Noodles together’
#2: ‘Meh. Things that have MSG are really nice. Take Pepperamis for instance – they’re probably packed with the stuff and they’re lovely. And what about ‘Rib n Saucy’ Nik Naks?’
#1: ‘Ooh I like Pepperami. And those the big pink fat sausages you get at the chipper’
[Husband barely contains a smirk and tries desperately to catch my eye. I look away]
Me [glaring at Husband]: ‘Saveloys. You mean saveloys’.
Hubby [more smirks]: ‘Oh yes, Mum likes those. You like a sausage don’t you darling.’
Me [staring straight at him]: ‘Yes, I love a sausage. Especially a really big one.’
#2: ‘There is one you don’t like. I remember you saying you’d gone right off it…. what was it again?’
Hubby [quietly]: ‘She’s not fond of morning sausage…’
#2: ‘Ooh I know! Chorizo!’
Husband’s shoulders are now shaking and silent tears of mirth have appeared at the corners of his eyes.
Me [ignoring Hubby completely]: ‘I like chorizo but that last one we got from Lidl had a weird squelchy texture.’
Hubby[through tears]: ‘Ooh no. Squelchy sausage is no good at all…’
Me [struggling to keep a straight face]: ‘Con, would you like some peanut butter brownie?’
Little C: ‘Ew. No, I hate peanut butter’
#2 [raising eyebrows at me in smug 'I'll show you how to approach this' manner: 'It's not exactly peanut butter, it's just crushed peanuts in there. And lots of chocolate.'
Little C: 'Oh okay then' [stuffs entire piece of brownie into mouth]: ‘mmmmm… noische…’
#2: ‘What were you saying Dad? Oh yeh… Mum likes a sausage…’
Husband now collapses into huge heap and #2, realising that he has inadvertently said something funny, proceeds to remind me how much I like sausage for the entire evening. Randomly sending his father into convulsions.
What was that some genius once said about families bonding over shared discussions at mealtimes? I think we should all just bloody well keep quiet.
I love sausage.
Ahem,
YEAH, you love sausage!
Wanna suck the fat out of my sausage?
I appear to have lost my sausage wallet, can I use yours?
Oh, I need some more, I’ll be back later.
Maxi: D’you know what? As I was writing this, I was wondering what on earth you were going to say. But that was so much worse. Well done.
Towny: Persactly. He’s very naughty like that. Deadpan too – he cracks me up.
Lola: It’s the breath… erm… that sausages give you I mean…. Oh never mind.
I love the conversations we have at dinner. The fact that we can all go on that family riff and end up in a heap of giggles.
But I am currently bereft of sausage-related innuendo (although I want to say something about limp offerings or sexy sizzlers). If I think of anything, I’ll be back!
Reminds me of the day, as a very innocent 16 year old, I tried very hard to explain to my older (Engineer) cousins that it was FAR easier to mount a hard drive than a floppy one because there were fewer steps involved. Took me ages to work the purple faces out until a ‘Doh!’ moment a long while after…
Wait for the ‘Fnar-fnar’ when you have double entendre sessions like this and you’ll know your little boys have grown up. (sigh)
No, not remotely keen on morning sausage and at the risk of much laughter, do like a nice skinny chipolata….(no, no, that is NOT a comment on Adrian).
Jen: Even #1 didn’t suss. What an angelic, innocent little chap he is, eh?
DD: Absolutely. Any sausage is better than no sausage at all, I always say. (I KNEW my fellow Disneyers would leap at all this ententre!!) x
Baino: Not long, methinks. Oh. Erm, I meant the time left before they understand the double entendre, not the length of the sausage…
Erica: Glad you’re getting your full sausage quotient there. Keep it up. Hee!
Jane: It’s nice of you to share your sausage leanings with us, but are you SURE Adrian won’t be offended at all
Paddy: Ah, but until then I can make their lives an utter misery. Bring it on, I say!
Phew. Can’t think of any more.
*shakes head*
Moon: Ah no. Only because the children were there and #1 could possibly have caught on. It crossed my mind though. And the weiner. Ahaha.
Jenn: Sorry. It just kind of got out of hand… *blush*
But very funny too.
*giggle* I can imagine you two are a great double act at boozy dinner parties!
The all Ireland gold medal sausage maker is located in Cavan town. Close to the market carpark, a small butchers shop on the main street makes the tastiest sausage around. Pork, beef, garlic, chives, big and small, I love em all!!
Growup: Well there’s an exception to every rule.
[...] April was a monster month for me,when myself and the other intrepid members of the Disney 7 hit Florida in a big way, following lovely Disney Sarah around Walt Disney World like a little drunken gaggle of ducklings, #2 celebrated his birthday with a ridiculously chocolatey double chocolate meringue cheesecake and the Mad Professor turned 14. I made not cross buns for Easter and continued boring you about my Disney trip well into May (we even got a mention in The Times… yawn…), as well as churning out some rather fattening dark chocolate and peanut butter brownies and having smutty conversations about how much I love a good sausage. [...]