‘I don’t know what happened… it just fell off!’ The Spontaneous Unexplained Incident.

‘Teenagers’.  To quote Sebastian from The Little Mermaid: ‘they think they know everything.  Give them an inch, they swim all over you’.

Mine are relatively tame… apart from the odd bout of scariness and the odd error of judgement (which would make your hair curl) they’re quite polite… do as they’re told and are good fun.  One of the things I HATE, though, is the Spontaneous Unexplained Incident.

Let me explain.  The Spontaneous Unexplained Incident, or SUI for short, generally occurs when there’s nobody else in the house, or after dark when everyone else is sleeping: the last KitKat vanishes, but curiously, nobody knows who ate it.  There is water all over the kitchen floor, but nobody’s been in there.  Handles fall off school bags… holes get ripped in blazers, but they always happen without anyone noticing and without anyone to blame.

Sometimes an SUI can even occur when EVERYONE is in, like last week when a courier called not once, but twice, while both teenagers were in the house, but seems to have knocked silently (and rung the bell silently) and put ‘while you were out’ cards through WITHOUT ANYONE HEARING.  Amazing.

Our most recent SUI occurred while I was on the train home from Bloggers on Tour: West Yorkshire.  As is customary with the Spontaneous Unexplained Incident, it started with The Sheepish Phone Call.

Death Wish Dude: ‘Mum, there’s been an accident’


Me: ‘Oh blimey! Is everyone alright?’

DWD: ‘Yes, but the bathroom is damaged’


Me: ‘What do you mean damaged?’

DWD: ‘All the tiles fell off the shower in your bathroom’

Me: ‘WHAAAT?  What do you mean, they just ‘fell off’?!

DWD: ‘I dunno. It just happened!’

You see?  A dozen tiles appeared to have just LEAPT off the wall onto the floor off the shower without any apparent help from anyone else.  Spooky.

Later, careful questioning ascertained that ‘someone’ might have fallen against them (‘or something’), but even then ‘they must have been, like, really loose, ‘cos they JUST FELL OFF!’

So there you have it.  If you have young children, be warned: they will grow into teenagers and, just as spring follows winter, so things in your house will start to spontaneously break, rip, fall apart or DISAPPEAR.  (By the way, I found some very nice replacement ones at The Tile Depot – y’know, in case you’re in the market).

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

[Insert Twilight Zone music here].



17 replies
  1. Mrs Worthington
    Mrs Worthington says:

    Ah the SUI – we have that all the time. Currently we have the SUI mobile phone for both of them! Daughter is particularly well versed in SUI and son just denies all knowledge. meanwhile I am an expert in dismantling washing machines, vacuum cleaners and fixing stuff when I want to be lounging about, eating chocolate and drinking wine

  2. Michelle Gilder
    Michelle Gilder says:

    Ooh dear… though as someone who knows/cares/interferes with these type of things (interior designer,Cancerian, dragon)it is possible that the wall behind the tiles dried out, blowing the tile adhesive and your tiles could indeed have been balancing there against the wall, waiting for the slightest nudge or knock. Sorry that was such a BORING blokes reply – I will be more fun and female in future! Anyway – don’t be too hard on them and thank God you weren’t naked in the shower when it happened!

  3. AndyD
    AndyD says:

    This SUI of which you speak is a daily occurrence chez Driver. For some reason every single light in the house manages to self-illuminate, daily, even during the two hours of blazing sunshine we call summer in West Yorkshire . The knife drawer has managed to work itself into a state of lopsided, perma-wobble entirely under its own steam. I’ve even witnessed the mysterious appearance of felt pen graffiti on freshly painted walls, that were certainly nothing to do with 6 and 7 year olds…

    Even during WYBOT there were incidents.

    The Curtain rail mystically snapped itself into two pieces.

    A pool, nay lake, of Coca cola mysteriously appeared on the carpet.

    Even a dog magically beamed itself up onto my precious sofa……..

    These spooky things just happen. Weird, huh.


    • English Mum
      English Mum says:

      I must have brought my mysterious household destructo-ghost with my to W Yorks, Andy. Although I think you need look no further than Ms Jarvis for the dog incident…

  4. Mari
    Mari says:

    Scale down to 3.5 year olds and they just point the finger at their twin…wonder how long that will last before they make a mutual agreement to move on to SUI’s?
    Hope you had a fab Bloggers On Tour break anyway ;)

  5. Sonia Atkin
    Sonia Atkin says:

    Funny things always happen with children in the home or outside the home. But yes, we should be careful about all these because we know their behavior. I think the best way to minimize all these embarrassing situations is that develop some good habit from the childhood within their nature.

  6. notsupermum
    notsupermum says:

    OMG, this sort of thing happens in our house too! Wet towels left on the bathroom floor by ‘somebody’, empty packaging left in cupboards because ‘somebody’ took the last biscuit out, and things also get broken by ‘somebody’. Do you think we share the same poltergeist? Spooky.

    p.s. And DWD looks like an angel, I’m sure it wasn’t him.

  7. Mandy
    Mandy says:

    Soooo true… our version goes like this…
    “Errr mum”
    “What happened?”
    “Nothing, well, I just kinda accidentally, like touched it and…….”
    Glad it’s a common trait though, somehow that’s reassuring!

  8. Kara Guppy
    Kara Guppy says:

    Oh my goodness – they sound just like mine. Hope you get to the bottom of the shower incident – I cannot even begin to imagine how they managed that without a chisel or something?!?!?


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