Green tomato, apple and apricot chutney
So just as we all reach the depths of financial despair and can’t afford to feed ourselves, here at English Towers we’ll be okay as our self sufficiency knows no bounds. Okay, so it wouldn’t be particularly pleasant to live on underripe tomatoes, parsley, carrots and erm… two courgettes, but hey, at least I’m trying. Anyhoo, I finally gave up hope of any of the tomatoes going red in the greenhouse, picked them all and dug up the plants. This left me with two huge bowls of green tomatoes. Here’s the result of my chutney experiments, which left my kitchen looking like somebody had spontaneously combusted in there, but is pleasantly sweet, satisfyingly sour and has a kick like a seriously unhappy mule:
1.4kg green tomatoes (I know, but I had a lot of tomato plants)
450g bramley apples (3 or 4 apples)
1 large red onion
450ml malt vinegar
225g demerara sugar (use a bit more if you like a more jammy result)
125g dried apricots
100g sultanas
1 tsp cumin seeds
1 tsp chilli flakes
2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp crushed black pepper
Can I just say that if you don’t have a really sharp knife, don’t even think about making this chutney. Chopping a mountain of green tomatoes with a blunt knife will only lead to rude words and missing fingers. You have been warned. So dice up all your tomatoes, peel and dice the apple and onion and chop the apricots. Add them, along with all the rest of the ingredients, to a very large saucepan.
Bring it all to the boil, then reduce and let it bubble away (hence the kitchen redecoration) stirring occasionally for about two hours or until there’s no excess liquid on the top.
Try and be slightly less Frank Spencer-like in your jar filling than I was – actually getting some of the chutney IN the jars would be preferable, I could really do with a funnel. Oh and remember you need to wash them thoroughly and sterilise them first – a hot dishwasher cycle or 15 minutes in a cool oven should do it. Shove the lid on and keep in a cool, dark cupboard to enjoy at Christmas with your coca cola baked ham and your Wexford cheddar… Savage, as #1 would say.
19 Responses to “Green tomato, apple and apricot chutney”
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And cola cleans the loo? You learn something new every day. I really want to try that now.
x
Jen: Both! Although I have a large wodge of Wexford in the fridge, it might not last long. God, cola cleans the loo? Really? How the hell did you find that out?!
Shall I bring the crackers? Or the cheese?
Ali: Lordy! Brando? I didn’t picture you as fat, balding and with a slur! How silly of me!?
P.S. Cola works on the loo also. Pour in, brush about, leave overnight and flush for a sparkly throne!
x
I am curvy and fabulous… I am curvy and fabulous
There. Better?
Oh, and if that’s not working, there’s always Nigel Lawson’s egg diet. No, really.
Isit: DHL chutney? Heh! x
Kate: Absolutely. My lot have already commented on the fact that it looks like sludge. I don’t care – I’ll eat it all myself. So there.
Alg: Good grief. Do you think it’s possible that you actually managed to pass your genes through to your godchild? Seriously, we have the Heinz tomato sauce mountain here and Maltesers are a staple so you won’t starve x
Jenn: You actually boil the whole thing in coke! Gives it a lovely sweet tang. Honest!
Jen: You say tomayto I say tomahto, Uncle Ali says tommy. Apparently xx
Looks gorgeous EM. Mmmmm, cheese and chutney, savage indeed…yumsies.
Oh and don’t forget to get lots of tommy sauce in !
x
Isit: Yeh, although there’s rather a large amount – might soon get sick of it!