Gissa job… go on, I can do that…
So I’m in a bit of a weird position, I guess (no, not literally – keep it clean, people). Most of the time, I’m at home during the day and yes, I guess that makes me a bit of a lady of leisure, which is absolutely fine by me; I’ve a degree (with honours) in shopping, and pottering and loafing about are second nature to me. I fill my days baking, dog walking, pottering, driving vast distances and shopping and, despite Hubby’s amazement, I never get bored. Sometimes I even do some ironing, or aimlessly wipe a cloth over things that used to be something before they were covered in dust, just for the hell of it. And, of course I’ve got Bertilicious to look after, and you, my loyal readership, to think about too. I can’t go neglecting you in case you defect to Grandad, or Flirty, and then I’d never get you back. Other times, I have children at home (they seem to have a holiday every five seconds), and often next door’s kids too, and then my days are filled with cut knees and snot and sausage sandwiches and football socks and all that Mum stuff.
Now, ask anyone who knows me (the Disreputable One will be the one hopping excitedly from one foot to the other at the front of the queue) and they’ll tell you that although I’m reasonably intelligent, I’ve had about a gazillion jobs: some ridiculous, some very serious and responsible. I’ve had some for a couple of years and some for five minutes. For some reason, getting the jobs have never been the problem. I’m brilliant at interviews, being both a spectacularly good flirt (male interviewers) and incredibly chatty and very interested in where people got their handbag/skirt/beautiful haircut (women interviewers). Then it all goes downhill. I have rather a short span of attention and a healthy disrespect for authority. I’m not sure if the two go together, but I suspect they could be a lot to do with the fact that I’m pretty good at being fired and/or just leaving because I couldn’t be arsed to do the job any more. I suppose that, unlike Hubby, I’ve never found my niche – something I love that I’m really good at, and that people are prepared to pay me to do.
So here’s the thing. Every so often when I’m not pottering/blogging/wiping things/cooking random stuff/putting plasters on/giving people lifts/picking up dog poo, I think ‘hmmm, I could do with a job’. Just a little job, you understand: something to keep me out of trouble and make me feel slightly important. The trouble is, I live in the middle of a field, miles away from civilisation, and my childcare options are severely limited. Basically, then, I need a job I can do from home, or one that I can do only when the kids are at school. I’m wracking my brains here but I can’t think of a single thing. Maybe I need to do some kind of course so I can learn something home-based. Of course really I’d like to be Nigella, or Rachel Allen, or even Delia at a push I suppose, but definitely not Anthony Worral-Thompson.
So last night in bed I was thinking about my strengths and weaknesses (I read in a magazine survey that you should write a list). So strengths then? Well, I can spell and type and all that secretarial stuff – I’m good with people and doggies, not bad with children (not small ones though), I can cook (some would argue that point but hey) and I can find my way round a computer. Bad points? Attention span of a gnat, very untidy, can’t add up for toffee, talk too much…
Ah well. I’ll work on my CV. And in the meantime if anyone hears that Rachel Allen’s retiring, maybe they can put my name forward?
Writing…Writing…Writing…Writing…Writing…
Writing…Writing…Writing…Writing…Writing…
Writing…Writing…Writing…Writing…Writing…
Writing…Writing…Writing…Writing…Writing…
Call up all the fecky little magazines and offer your services, citing your blog. From fecky little magazines cometh the devoted readership which will make your first book a best seller (when you write the bugger – mush!)
Also, was that a swipe at the Goddesslike Mrs. Delia Smith? I hope not! Grrrr!
http://www.brianmcivor.com/index.html
J: But I’m always writing! And anyway, my dented ego got so..er..dented at all the ‘sod off’ replies I got, I stopped submitting anything! And I’ve told you, I’ve searched and searched and I don’t seem to have a book in me anywhere x
Thrifty: But I’m skint. And anyway, what do parachutes have to do with the price of potatoes?? x
Seriously though, magazine or online journalism is a good way to go. You could do freelance pieces from home/restaurants(!). But agree that getting your foot in the door isn’t easy…
Also, freelance proof-reading and editing is easy enough to do from home – if there’s the demand for it, of course. But getting trained up with the Society of Proofreaders and Editors in the UK is easy enough:
http://www.sfep.org.uk/
Don’t be put off by the fact that a lot of them are a little twitchy-weird – that’s just lack of contact with the outside world. In a previous life, I went along to a couple of their training courses and I was the youngest, least-twitchy person there by miles. Oh dear, I’m not really selling this, am I?
Create a portfolio of your thoughts, a link to your blog (and nominations!) and post it to the World!
It might be shoved to one side until someone has a Eureka! moment in three months time…
Writing it like any machine, it needs to be primed and lubed regularly! (sorry, I’m a Tech, I think like this…) Write, write, write! You’ll become used to it, I promise!
As for not being able to ‘write on a topic’ – Bullsh*t! You’ve discussed poor body image, the demonisation of those killed by substanse abuse, poor nutrition in children and about a thousand other ‘hot potato’ topics on this blog with grace, wit and razorsharp insight.
I love you to smithereens Missus but I will smack you upside your head if you don’t stop doing yourself down! So what if you’re not sure you can write! Every other person on here is Damn Sure (am I right?) so it’s simple…
We’re right and you’re wrong – WRITE!
(tired now, going for a nap…)
J: Awwww only you could make my blathering sound like valid social commentary!! You’re very kind, and I will continue to talk shite every day on here, as practice just in case something valid comes along. And don’t smack me, I’m delicate. x