And so it came to pass that we were packed and ready for the off. God alone knows why, but we’d decided that I’d take the car on the ferry, accompanied by one of de brevren, while Hubby flew over with the other one. This was a bit complicated, but we’d already booked our flights and then realised we’d need to take a car. Dammit. A quick check of the ferry booking showed that in a spectacularly proud parenting moment I had forgotten to book my allocated child (number 2) onto the ferry and a panicked phone call to Irish Ferries ensued (whilst holding on the line, I imagined him standing on the quayside with his suitcase, sobbing gently as the ferry slipped out of the harbour).

Still, that sorted, we faced our next hurdle: packing a furious Ninja Cat of Death into the cat box. Not as easy as you’d think: crowding round the cat box, we’d get half of her in, then the other half would bite someone and they’d let go of their bit of the door and she’d escape, then everyone would shout at the person, and they’d have to go and get her from under the sofa again. Half an hour later, bleeding and battered but otherwise unscathed, we set off, trying to ignore the yowling and hissing emanating from the box on the back seat.

The child, somewhat hidden behind several bags of absolute necessities (I won the argument about not trusting the shippers to take Larry the Lobster – he’s made of papier mache and is a bit delicate, okay?) was allocated the position of Chief Navigator and did a valiant job of shouting directions over the clank of baking tins (what? they’re precious). We were doing really well until the M40:

Chief Navigator: ‘Urgh, what’s that smell’

Me: ‘Oh, we’re probably just going past a farm or something’

Chief Navigator: ‘Did you take the turn for the M40? Jesus, WHAT is that smell?’

Me: ‘I think the Cat of Death has done a Poop of Death’

We pulled over. NCOD had made her displeasure at being cooped in a cat box squished between two duvets perfectly clear. Gagging and dry heaving, we weighed up our options:

Put up with the smell for another five hours

Risk going in with the seething, spitting emanator of foul smells to clear it up

Leave her on the side of the road and leg it (joke, joke – no, really…)

Sadly, we knew what we had to do. The Chief Navigator held the box still and I got the short straw. Luckily, when I’d moaned about taking the devil cat on the ferry, English Grandma had come up with a brilliant plan: disposable Pampers changing mats, black bags, heavy duty rubber gloves and Dettox wipes. It was pretty easy for the Chief Navigator to fend off the snarling beast with his free hand while I donned the Marigolds and used a cunning ‘pull and roll’ manoevre on the changing mat and its festering cargo.

On the road once more then, the windows wound open to clear the stench and an even more livid NCOD hissing foul and inventive death threats from the back seat, we did really well bar a short moment of hysteria somewhere past the M6 Toll (well, it’s confusing):

Chief Navigator: ‘…get to junction 15 of the M56, signposted Runcorn’

Me: ‘Yup, I’m here, taking the turning now’

Chief Navigator: ‘…keep right’

Me: ‘Bollocks. I took the turn! I took the frigging turn! We’re going to Runcorn! We’re going to miss the ferry and get lost and go round in circles and be stranded somewhere near Runcorn for ever. I’ve never even heard of Runcorn! We’ll starve to death and the police will find our emaciated remains years from now… or the NCOD might escape and live off our flesh, turning into some sort of zombie cat of death…’

Chief Navigator: *sigh* ‘Take the next exit, go round the roundabout, and go back the way you came’

Me: ‘Oh right. We could do that too…’

Arriving at Holyhead just as they were loading the ferry (phew), we grabbed some nice comfy seats and were soon nodding off, coming to just as the twinkly lights of Dublin appeared in the distance. Returning to our vehicle, we checked the cat box and found a pair of glittering black eyes shooting burning death glares in every direction. The Cat of Death had survived the journey.

The Chief Navigator rolled down the window, ignoring the yeowling, which had resumed at even greater volume. ‘Ah, Ireland. It even smells lovely.

Me: ‘You’re right – fresh gorgeous, Irish air

The Chief Navigator: Much better than the Poop of Death at any rate

Me: ‘Amen to that’.

Holiday Extras’ new Travelling with a Baby guide.   I’m already a huge fan of Holiday Extras after their fantastic effort during the Icelandic volcanic ash disruptions.  Their CEO was posting travel updates every day on their website – a service that was invaluable to loads of people (including me) stranded all over the globe.   If you’ve ever travelled with a baby (or are planning to), you’ll know what a flibbin’ nightmare it is.  This guide is invaluable, so check out the website for tips on packing, choosing hotels, flying with a baby and much more.  (Oh and if you’re a fan of green travel and want to make greener choices when travelling, I noticed that they do a Green Travel guide too).

Coveting…

…Nicky Howard’s adorable animal pictures.  I saw them in an advert in the back of Country Living:

Have a look on the website and choose your favourite.  I love this one, but oh, I love ‘Wendy’ too, and ‘Norma’…

Feeling very proud…

…of my ol’ muckers from Northern Ireland, the Ulster Weavers, who’ve just won the textile licence for the London 2012 Olympics and have already launched a limited edition tea towel for the two year countdown.

For the month of September, Ulster Weavers are giving away a waffle weave tea towel to anyone who spends £25 or more, plus FREE UK Delivery on all orders over £30.

And as an exclusive treat for you lovely lot, they’re offering a special 15% OFF for the whole of September for Englishmum.com readers who quote code: ENGMUM09 when ordering!

Watching the skies…

…for black balloons.  My lovely mates at Disney have given me the heads up that they were at Bristol Balloon Fiesta (a hot-air balloon festival) recently with Mickey Mouse, where he launched a balloon race involving 5,000 balloons. Attached to each balloon is a ticket which, if found, can be redeemed for a special edition Mickey Mouse Campervan toy from Fisher Price!  Keep your eyes peeled for those black balloons!

Oohing and ahhing…

…at the beautiful new Icklebabe.com website.  Lovely Helen sent me some gorgeous little lavender hearts and a cute little egg cosy when I ordered my tea cosy too!  And check out the retro aprons!)

and finally,

Sparing a thought…

…for those children who don’t have a warm bed, happy fun-filled school holidays, the loving arms of a parent, the benefit of a safe home and financial security – all those things we wrap around our children.  Put it Right is a five year initiative by UNICEF UK to galvanise us all into action to protect the rights of children everywhere.   The haunting track is by Radiohead.  Please watch, and give what you can.

I’m moving so I might be awol for a while, but I’ll be back soon.  In the meantime, have a great September xx

So we’ve made a decision.  Probably the biggest decision we’ll ever make.  And we’re going home.  Back to Ireland. Back to lovely English Towers.  Back to the Boat Road.  Back to fields of cows, home made bramble jelly and finding sheep on your front lawn in the morning.

Back to find out how D-next-door and his fiancée (also D-next-door – that’s going to be confusing) are doing (the brevren can’t wait to see little C and gorgeous Lou).  They’ve got a dog called Riley – can’t wait to meet him too).  Back to see if Mrs Lovely’s got the kettle on (she has), and chat with Poppy’s Mum.  Back to see Olly for a drink at the Pundertakers.

Back to school buses and places shutting for lunch and driving miles to the supermarket, and no Waitrose. Do I care? Not one bit.

I can’t wait.  The boys are looking forward to seeing their friends – sad to leave the new ones they’ve made, but we made the decision as a family, and we feel it’s the right one.

I was saying goodbye to my lovely friend Foxy this morning.  I said that I wished we’d never left – that it messed the kids about and in my heart, I knew that it was the wrong decision.  ’Well maybe it was worth it, just for you to realise exactly where you belong’, she said.  And she’s right.

It’s where the heart is.  Where you’re happiest.

Home.

Firstly, let’s talk about the elephant in the room: me.  Let’s be honest, I’ve kind of chubbed.  I’ve podged up.  Filled out.  I’m ‘looking well’ as the ol’ eupemism for ‘shit, you got fat’ goes.

Okay, so I’m not wallowing around in my own flab or anything, but since our fabulous blessing in September last year when I wafted around in a beeyootiful size ten dress for the entire day and felt like a millions dollars:

… I have gained a whopping 9lb.  9lb!  That’s, like, a whole baby!  I have gained another human being.

Not only is this disgustingly bad news on the health front, it’s pretty dire on the clothes front too.  My favourite jeans are snug, and it wasn’t until I went to put on my baggy combats that I discovered they’d inexplicably morphed into very-tight-across-the-bottom combats.  Not a good look.

I would like to point out, though, that this is not all my fault.  Okay so some of it was the ‘phew, I got into the dress, now I can just let myself go’ post-wedding relief factor, and yes, Christmas didn’t help either.  And yes, alright, a bit of it was possibly cakey buns.  But most of it has been the dreaded booze.

Hubby and I have slowly been upping the ante until our nightly shared chill-out bottle of wine stealthily morphed into a shared ‘sod it’ second bottle of wine.  Add to that an Irish house guest for the last few weeks (you can’t say no to an Irish person – they’re physically incapable of drinking alone), and you’re talking an extra 550 calories a day (per bottle – or 600 if you prefer medium).  Seriously.

Professor Steve Field, chairman of the Royal College of General Practitioners, recently gave us all a good telling off – rightly so in my opinion – and told us we should all be taking responsibility for our own and our families’ health and being better role models for our kids.  And he’s right. Letting our kids watch us pour two bottles of wine down our necks is not exactly settling ourselves up for parents of the year (okay, so we tend to drink after they’ve gone to bed, but they’re not stupid – they take the recycling out).

So we gave up.  Completely for a couple of days (detox the system, flush the tank, as it were), and then went on to slimline tonic water (thanks to my friend Liz for this tip), occasionally livened with a teeny splash of Bombay Sapphire.  My lovely friend Tara also introduced me to the Moscow Mule – a lush mixture of good quality diet Ginger Ale (try Waitrose), vodka and tons of lime.  Yummy.

I can’t diet.  I really can’t.  I love food, love cooking and love eating, and like most foodies, just the thought of dieting brings me out in a cold sweat.  Also, don’t you think that the minute you decide to diet you become even more obsessed with food than normal?  But I have been sensible, avoiding second helpings and going easy on the cakeage.

Admittedly, my willpower deserted me in spectacular fashion when faced with the chocolate gateaux at the Chocolate Museum Cafe in Cologne:

…but Hubby and I very sensibly shared a slice (a huge moment for me – I never share cake).  And the end result?  Not only of the lack of wine, but of the nibbles and late night snackage that went with it?  I lost 4lb.  In a week.  That’s erm…  well, half a baby.

Smug much?

So what do you do if Xbox call you up and ask if you’re busy next week? You pack up your kids and your Hubby and arrive at the Radisson Blu Hotel at Stansted with absolutely no idea what you’re letting yourself in for, that’s what. Arriving confused at Cologne airport, all was revealed. Turned out, we were to be the ‘Xbox Kinect Family’ at the Cologne gaming convention, Gamescom 2010, and had an absolute ball. Here’s the rub:

First up, we were whisked away to a secret location where Xbox were holding their ‘Play Day’ for Kinect. This is a proud moment for the Xbox Kinect team: showing off their new baby to assorted press and journalists.  Kinect is basically a brand new concept in gaming. The game recognises your body as the ‘controller’ so there are now wires or handsets, just you.  I’ll explain it by showing #2 playing the skateboarding bit of Kinect Sonic Free Riders – see how he’s moving his body?

We played Kinect Games (specifically football, obviously) with ex-Arsenal and German international goalie Jens Lehmann while flashes popped and cameras whirred (we saw ourselves on German TV that night!).   Afterwards, #1 sat and had a chat with Jens who talked all about still being in touch with Theo Walcott and Ces Fabregas, and signed footballs for them both. What a nice chap.

Then, job done, we got to have a look around ourselves (the poor Xbox PRs had a hell of a job keeping #1 away from the new Fable III game and Halo Reach – sadly he was too young to play).

He did, however, get to play the beta version of the not-yet-released and sparkly brand new Age of Empires game with its creator, Jerome.

We also met the mysterious co-creator of Xbox Kinect, a man called Kudo. He was constantly surrounded by PRs and permanently behind a pair of shades, but he actually seemed quite normal when we spoke to him.

I had a little go on Dance Central, the new dancing game on Kinect – a collaboration with MTV games.  We started on an easy one and dancing isn’t exactly my strong point, but I can imagine that everyone’s going to want this on their Christmas list – it would make a fabulous party game.

The best game as far as both #2 and I were concerned was Kinectimals.  We had a chat with Simon Harris, one of the designers heading up the team of 30 that worked on this project.  Simon showed us how to play and explained that the (utterly gorgeous) baby animals form bonds with you and learn more behaviour as you play.  Your arms are shown on the screen at one point and you can tickle your furry friend behind the ears and get them to roll over and play dead.  There will also be soft toys on sale bearing a special code that, when shown to the Kinect, will unlock more animals:

Here’s Simon showing #2 how to play:

We really had an absolute ball and the Xbox people were all so lovely.  Here’s our amazing trip in pictures:

Much more to come, but for now, big, huge thanks to Xbox and all the Kinect teams at Gamescom 2010 xx

So it’s been a pretty mixed summer.  We had plenty of sunshine early on (in fact, nearly melting in my conservatory/oven became such a regular feature that I abandoned it for good for a while), but lately it’s been rainy and a bit miserable. Typical British weather.

Still, I managed to take this snap of #1 bowling at a cricket match (note his Grandad, my Disreputable Dad, complete with ancient baggy shorts, taking his umpire role very seriously).  This was the annual parents vs kids end of season cricket match.  Myself and Madame Turtle, my impossibly glamorous niece, were the scorers.  Needless to say between chatting and comparing manicures, we probably missed a few balls.  The sun did come out, but later the clouds rolled over and hid it away.  Still, it didn’t spoil the fun, as you can tell.

I’ve decided to enter it in the Lloyds TSB British weather photographer of the year competition.  I doubt it has a chance (although please do vote for me!), but I reckon boiling grey clouds above a beautiful green cricket pitch is probably about as English as it gets, don’t you?

You can vote for me (and enter your own shots) here:

http://www.lloydstsbweathercompetition.co.uk

About the competition:

The competition runs from 13th April to 20th September 2010.  12 finalists will be chosen in November.  You can enter as many photographs as you wish, although they must be taken in the United Kingdom and you must be a UK resident aged 18 or over.  There’s also a £100 weekly prize for the photograph with the most ‘favourite’ votes.  The 12 finalists will have their photographs displayed at a public exhibition for a week and the overall winner wins £10,000!  What have you got to lose?

Sponsored Post

Share hosted by Wikio

I”m absolutely delighted to see that English Mum has been included on Have a Lovely Time’s list of family and activity sites ‘packed with summer fun’.

If you’re having trouble entertaining the kids over the holidays, or you’re looking for inspiration for days out, do check out this fabulous website (and no I’m not just saying that because they’re nice about me *cough*).  The great thing about it is that for every recommendation, there is a proper review, so you can see what real Mums and Dads thought of each day out before you decide to go there yourself.  Bonus.

And as well as days out, you’ll find reviews for holiday destinations – from the UK to more exotic climes, museums, shows, theme parks – even the odd review by yours truly.

So what are you waiting for?  Go Have a Lovely Time!

De Brevren made this video together. #2 did the skating and the editing (with help from his big bro), #1 did the filming and because he’s The Mad Professor, somehow knows tricks to get over the YouTube audio copyright restrictions too (shhh).  I might be biased but I think it’s quite good.  Although mothers of small boys everywhere will be buttock clenchingly aware that the child is moments away from several broken bones.  The song is Witchcraft by Pendulum.

Moneysupermarket.com recently sent me these great tips for eating out.  There are some great ideas here (although the greedier amongst us won’t be sharing desserts any time soon *cough*).   Worth a look, I think:

Eating out is a favourite pastime for many families – it’s an opportunity to spend some quality time together, eat nice food, and mum or dad doesn’t have to wash up! Unfortunately, families don’t have as much disposable income as they used to, meaning eating out can be seen as an unnecessary luxury. Parents want to expose their kids to new cultures and traditions, and eating out is the perfect way to do that. However taking the family out for a meal need not break the bank! Here are a few hints and tips on taking those little ones to eat out for less…

Make use of vouchers

The vouchers market has grown massively over the past few years as a direct result of the recession. Many restaurants offer discounts or freebies to keep customers walking through the door so they can eat out for less, despite the awful economy. This is good news for families as you can take the kids out to eat without having to pay full price. Before you decide where to go to eat, do a quick search on moneysupermarket.com for the restaurant you’re going to. There may well be a discount voucher, a buy one get one free or a freebie for that restaurant which will significantly lower the cost of your bill. Alternatively, take a look at what restaurant vouchers there are available and choose where to go depending on what discount you can get – looking for vouchers is a great way of coming up with ideas on where to eat while being frugal at the same time.

Split desserts

This idea may not be to the chocoholic’s taste, but splitting desserts could save you a considerable amount off your total food bill. After eating a full meal many people feel too full to even contemplate a dessert, but the photos on the menu of that fudge brownie or New York cheesecake can be too tempting. Instead of buying one each share one instead. This will not only be more cost effective but it will mean you’re eating less calories – great for your purse and your waistline! You could even skip dessert and opt for a healthier option at home, such as some fruit or yogurt.

The early bird catches the worm

The old saying really is true, especially when it comes to eating out. Many restaurants are pretty quiet around late afternoon and early evening, so they have special offers around that time to draw customers in. Offers are likely to include a set menu for a lower price or a free starter/dessert. There may well be some special drinks offers as well which is handy as we all know how many soft drinks the little ones can get through! So heading out for an early dinner could potentially save you a packet.

Follow your favourite restaurants online

Having an online presence is vital in modern business, whether it be on Facebook, Twitter or by email. Your favourite restaurants are bound so have a newsletter which you can sign up to receive. Although the prospect of having your inbox clogged up with newsletters isn’t very appealing, restaurants also use these emails to send out exclusive offers and discounts to their subscribers. Keep an eye on your inbox as restaurants may send out discounts that could really shave pounds off your bill the next time you visit. Similarly, follow your favourite restaurant chains or independents on Twitter and Facebook, as these are popular ways of hosting competitions and giveaways, and what’s more they’re really easy to enter!

Don’t starve yourself in anticipation

When you know you’re going for a meal out, don’t eat next to nothing before you go. Have a normal breakfast and lunch if you’re dining out at night as you’re far less likely to order a range of side orders like garlic bread, chips, or onion rings. Ordering 2 -3 side orders can add an extra £10 to the total of your meal, which you can avoid by not going to the restaurant hungry. This works the same way with desserts – if you’re still hungry after your main the sticky toffee pudding will look even more appealing!

Many thanks to Rachael Miller and the Vouchers Team at moneysupermarket.com.  You can find their voucher section here.  Still not sharing my pudding though.

I’d hazard a guess that Tim Mead isn’t your average company director. As our little gang of assorted journalists and food bloggers wanders wearily into Yeo Valley Organic’s head office, The Mendip Centre, he rushes to greet us, all smiles and firm handshakes. He chuckles at our civvy moans about being up at 5am (‘that’s normal for a farmer’) and takes us out onto the balcony for tea and pastries pointing out various landmarks in a view that stretches in a green and beautiful sprawl over the valley.

Tim is rightly proud of Yeo Valley. Started back in the 60s by his Mum and Dad (the sale ticket for the original Holts Farm is displayed in the centre), the company may well have expanded beyond the dreams of Mr and Mrs Mead, who started making yoghurt on the kitchen table in the 70s and could possibly never have imagined that they would end up producing 8 million pots of the stuff a week, but the ethos (and those cows) are very much the same.

The formidable Mrs Mead senior, now in her 70s, is by all accounts one of the best breeders ever (in fact, she was named Farmer of the Year in the BBC Radio 4′s Food and Farming Awards).  Tim proudly points out that the magnificent Lakemead herd of pedigree British Friesians are still descended from her original cows.

Tim’s enthusiasm is infectious.  As he explains their incredibly complicated organic crop rotation system (planting clover puts nitrogen back into the soil so that it doesn’t have to be artificially fertilised – and is high protein food for the cattle too) we’re rather taken by a gorgeous red-coloured cow in the otherwise entirely black, glossy herd: ‘ah, there’s always a rogue redhead in the family – I’m rather fond of her’.   The luscious redhead can expect a long and happy life too:  the cows aren’t expected to yield ridiculous amounts of milk and will live ten years on the farm.  Later, he whizzes us around the Mendips in his Land Rover pointing out fields growing various crops, including a tall crop called Miscanthus (Elephant Grass), which, after it has oxygenated the atmosphere and put nitrogen back into the soil will be chipped and made into pellets to heat various offices and barns.  Incredible.

Organic farming is, by necessity, high welfare farming.  I am struck, for instance, by how cleverly Mrs Mead has bred the cows so that the male calves can be reared for meat, and not destroyed like so many in the industry.

It’s a family business in so many other ways too.  Tim’s wife has transformed one of the milking sheds by their house into the most beautiful tea-rooms with gorgeous Sophie Conran crockery, where you’ll find his daughters serving towering cake-stands groaning with freshly made scones…

and fabulous home-made cakes (what? of course I noticed):

The tea rooms also boast one of the finest organic gardens in the country, again, all tended by the fair hand of Mrs Mead:

Some of the farm buildings are kept as centres for groups of visiting children where they can see chickens, sheep, Aberdeen Angus cattle and amazing organic veg grown in high-tech domes (all the produce goes to the canteen):

… and there’s even Ted, a tame owl who fell out of his nest and was adopted by the staff – he’s actually friendly enough to allow a little ear scritch too:

The afternoon sees us getting suited and booted (workin’ that hairnet baby) to visit the yoghurt factory.  They still work in relatively small quantities and although it’s all enormous vats and sparkly stainless steel, some things are surprisingly low-tech (‘a factory manager from a large factory would probably laugh at us’, says Kevin, their infectiously enthusiastic Factory Manager, ‘but it’s important that we do things slowly and do them right’). They must be doing something right because we spy Tesco (Finest and Value!) and Sainsbury’s Taste the Difference tubs go past on forklift trucks.

The whole day was a complete eye-opener for me.  I just wish everyone could spend a day with Tim at Yeo Valley. To be honest, I didn’t really understand what organic farming was all about and having seen the care and attention that goes into every little step, from the birth of every cow to the lid on every pot, I’m a complete convert to both organic farming and Yeo Valley’s fabulous products. There’ll be no more Mullers in the shopping basket for me.  If I wasn’t so knackered on the train home, I would have been rushing up and down the carriage, telling everyone about this fabulous place where everyone cares so much and makes these amazing products.

I wouldn’t, however, have been dishing out anything from my goody bag.  The Special Edition lemon curd organic yoghurt is far too good to share.