‘We’re terrible for ‘posing’ for photographs aren’t we?’, says Tara.

‘Making sure we look our best, have our hair brushed, our make up just so and turning just so to ensure the camera captures our best side.
But it’s the impromptu snaps which tell the best stories – they mark out our every day lives and show how we live and what we are ‘really’ like.’

So the challenge was to take a photo right that very second, as you read the prompt.  So I grabbed a child and said ‘quick, take my picture’.

And here it is.  Me.  Right now.  Slightly scary and rather too close-up, with my cluttered desk, my Minnie Mouse mug, messy hair and… a bottle of Febreze on the printer (not sure how that got there).

To see more entries to Tara’s Gallery, just click here.

Interesting news reached the English Mum Newsdesk (okay, the kitchen worktop, but just use your imagination, okay?) this week.  Turns out that Universal are opening a mahoosive big new attraction this summer.

Contained within the site of their huge Wet’n'Wild Florida waterpark  (where you can experience every sort of water-based ride known to man), the new Kids’ Park will cover more than an acre and feature all sorts of fun including slides (17 of them), water cannons, jets and all manner of water-based fun.  They’re paying attention to the surrounding landscaping too (think ‘lush and tropical’ (perfect for the parents to hang out while the little ones go and get wet) and the entire sandcastle-themed area will have one separate entrance, meaning it’s nice and safe and an easy way of keeping track of everyone too.

Tickets for  Wet ‘n Wild cost from £27 for adults and £22 for children at Attraction Tickets Direct (valid for up to 14 consecutive days) or you can visit all of the Universal Orlando packs with a ‘ 3-Park Bonus Ticket’ costing from £113 per adult which covers entrance to Universal Studios, Wet ‘n Wild, Universal’s Islands of Adventure and Universal CityWalk.

So it’s bakeoff time again!  I wanted to do something around Valentine’s day, because you guys always bake the most amazing things, BUT I don’t want to limit you all to just heart-shaped things, oh no.  So our theme for this bakeoff is ‘baked with love‘.

If you’re not loved up, but just want to bake yourself a big mahoosive cake to eat in bed while watching a film, that’s fine too.  First, then, to the housekeeping:

The Rules

Because we’re rebels who ride with the wind in our hair and laugh in the face of danger (or something), the rules are few and far between, to be honest, but I know some of you love a rule or two, so just for you:

1. You’ve actually got to bake something – preferably connected to the theme (although see below re: sneaky rule breaking)

2. You must take a picture (you won’t get far with any of that ‘the dog ate it’ nonsense)

3. You must email it to me at english[dot]towers[at]gmail[dot]com, telling me what it is and who you are.  Entries must be received by midnight on the closing date, which is, of course, the day before Valentine’s Day, the 13th February.

The Cheaty Bit

As usual, a healthy bit of downright sneakiness is to be encouraged, and any entertaining reason why your entry  should be considered will be looked upon favourably.  For example, if your trifle is beautiful, but obviously not exactly baked, let me know.  I’m a flexible type and I’ll probably allow it.  No lying though.

BUT…

Okay, a bit of lying then, but not too much…

The Techy Bit

If you’re a blogger, please link back to this post, and if you’re a tweeter, please use the hashtag #madewithlovebakeoff . If you would like to display the ‘baked with love’ badge, you can download it from the links below. There are two sizes to choose from.

‘Baked with Love’ badge – 200px

‘Baked with Love’ badge – 150px

If  you’re neither, then just pretend this bit never happened.  Moving on, then… nothing to see here…

The Exciting Bit! (and the judgy bit – they’re combined this time)

That most wondrous and luscious of wine experts: the fragrant, and frankly fabulous Helen from Knackered Mothers’ Wine Club has very kindly agreed to be our judge.  Not only that, but she’s also offered to provide the winner with a bottle of pink fizz!!

Entries will be displayed in one enormous blog post and accompanied by the usual descent into hysteria while I get all hot and bothered about uploading and labels and all that other complicated stuff. Follow me on Twitter to witness the carnage in real-time hissy fit tweets as they happen.

The Small Printy Bit

As usual, all attempts at bribery and any dubious approaches must be made direct to the judge (hint: she likes wine) and not via this blog.   The judge’s decision is final.

This competition is open to all comers, regardless of location, although if you live in Outer Mongolia we might have a bit of trouble posting you a bottle of fizz, but hey, we’re triers so don’t let that stop you.   There is no cash alternative to the prize.

So that’s it, then.  You’ve got loads of time, plenty of inspiration, and some very ambiguous rules.  GO TO IT, TEAM!

The thing is, in Ireland a mickey is a… well, it’s a willy.

Hence, ‘searching for hidden mickeys’ brought a whole new mental picture to mind than gaily flouncing about trying to spot little mouse shapes.

Anyhoo, I digress.

Recently, I was the recipient of a very solemn phone call from school.  Apparently the Death Wish Dude had been caught defacing another pupil’s book.  Three of them were involved.  The others being George (of George’s brownies fame) and another of the Dude’s buddies, a girl.

Reader, I was shocked.

He’s a silly bugger, but he’s a good kid.  And I can’t imagine him doing anything malicious.  I told this to the teacher.  She agreed.

Apparently it wasn’t malicious at all:

The crime – this terrible crime that warranted a telephone call to his parents?  He’d drawn a willy.

A willy.

It was all I could do not to laugh.  However, I solemnly accepted that this behaviour was not to be encouraged, and promised to give him a stern talking to.

I did.

I said to him: ‘you tit’.

Anyhoo, this incident has set in motion a willy-themed madness in the Dude and his mates, culminating in his whipping up a little present for them in the kitchen last night.  Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…

The willy cookie.  Or ‘cockie’ as it became known on Twitter last night.  Or for you Irish people, the ‘mickey bickie’ (thanks to Aoife for that one).

His father took one look at it and said ‘blimey.  If that’s what he thinks they look like he’s not been paying enough attention in biology’.

So as you’ll know if you read the last review, I’m part of the Vax Voice team.  Basically I get to try out Vax products and give honest feedback about them.  This time I let English Grandma have a go (I was going to tell her it was her Christmas present, but she’d already read about me being a Vax Voice reviewer – dammit).

Grandma got to try out the new Vax Air Total Home cylinder cleaner (model number: C89-MA-T).  Over to Grandma, then:

Opening the box proved rather daunting as I was faced with numerous, [11 in all], parts and attachments, and feared my lack of assembling skills would hinder using the machine!

However, most of the packets turned out to be attachments [hard floor brush, crevice, dusting and upholstery tools etc] and the vacuum cleaner itself only needed minimal assembly – I have to say I haven’t yet tried out all the extras.  It is a bagless cylinder model, light and simple to use, easily cleared of blockages, with a separate little compartment to catch the occasional coin or child’s game part lost under the bed or sofa!

The Vax Mach Air was an immediate success on my carpets – the dirt container was soon full of pet hair from my, as I thought, reasonably clean sitting room carpet, and it gave me great satisfaction to empty [and re-fill!] it twice more on going through the house.  Now I do know my dog is extra hairy and seems to moult all year round, but I am now confident that I can make my carpets practically hair free with the new machine, which obviously they hadn’t been before.

It stores compactly too, with a ‘parking slot’ to keep the extension tube tidily in place when the cleaner is not in use.

And English Grandma’s verdict?

Much recommended, and I will try out some of the attachments in the future. 

Big thanks for Vax for providing the machine for review, and a big, mahoosive snog for our tester, English Grandma xx

For more information, check out www.weloveclean.co.uk and www.vax.co.uk.

So the weekend was somewhat traumatic.  I won’t fill you in on all the events, but needless to say being trapped in a packed train carriage all the way from Shepherds Bush while the three teenagers I was escorting serenaded their fellow commuters with loud renditions of My Horse is Amazing (seriously – don’t bother watching it, it’s that bad) and then being politely told that we were, in fact, accidentally in the first class carriage, shall remain with me for a long time and was one of the lesser traumatising events of the weekend.  Read out of that what you will.

Anyhoo.  In other news, I’m still on the lookout for a lovely breakfasty-type recipe that’s also quite healthy (I know, I know… giving up alcohol and vowing to eat healthily for the whole of January was a BIG HUGE MISTAKE – I have learned both that I could never be teetotal, and that I can’t live without cake) still, it’s nearly over now).  Yesterday I came across possibly one of the prettiest blogs I’ve ever seen: Eat Yourself Skinny.  It turns out that not only is the blog pretty, but the writer, Kelly, is ridiculously pretty as well.

So I thought, well.  If I eat what she eats, surely I’ll wake up looking exactly like her.

Right?

Oh.

Anyhoo, on to the trial and error.  I noticed that lovely Kelly’s blueberry and lemon bread was adapted from  Joy of Baking, so I went back to the original recipe to have a look.  Here’s my version.  I had to change it all from cups, and I decided to use rapeseed oil instead of butter (similar calories, just much better for you).  The result was yummy, although the inside of the cake was a bit too stodgy, presumably because beating the butter and sugar together introduces air into the mixture.  So I say stick with butter (the calories are the same).  I will say, though, that cutting it into the recommended 12 portions proved to be too much of a challenge.  Still, if you do manage it, you’ll be pleased to know that it’s just 159 calories a slice (might be better to cut it into 6 slices, then cut each in half). I also used a sugar substitute to keep the calories down (I know, I know, but honestly you can’t taste the difference).  Lastly, I used a whole punnet of blueberries which is a bit too much.  Stick to 150g.

You will need:

80g butter

6 tbsp granulated sugar substitute (try the new Truvia one – I haven’t been able to get hold of it yet)

2 eggs

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

Zest of 1 lemon

225g self raising flour

125ml milk

So preheat the oven to 180/gas 4 and spray a loaf tin with cake release (or butter it very lightly).

Beat the butter in a mixer (or by hand if you’re feeling butch), then add the sugar and beat until the mixture’s really light and fluffy.  Add the eggs, beating between each addition, and then the vanilla extract and lemon zest.

Stir in the flour and then the milk.  Finally, stir in the blueberries

Pop the mixture into the loaf tin and bake for about 50 minutes.  Pop a knife tip into the centre to check that it’s done, otherwise leave for a bit longer.

Allow it to cool before slicing into your minute portions.  It really is surprisingly lush though – and the blueberries make it quite jammy and sticky too.  Top tip: freeze your slices (with a piece of greaseproof paper between each one). Then they’re easy to pop into the toaster for a quick and healthy breakfast.

As the parent of teenagers, there are certain opening sentences that strike fear into the bottom of my bottom. One of these, used by both de brevren on a regular basis is ‘Mum… you know you love me, right?’ to which I have to dutifully reply ‘yeeeees’? and wait, cringing slightly, for the bombshell that follows.

The answer can be a miriad of different horrors… a recent selection include:

‘Well, that’s good because I got an F in my Maths mock’

Shiiiiiit.

‘Well, that’s good because I think I lost that tenner you gave me. What? I put it in my sock for safe keeping…’

‘Well that’s good because I want you to take me to that big skate park in London on Saturday…’

Yup. That sort of thing.

Very occasionally they keep me on my toes with:

‘Good. ‘Cos I love you too’

And then I have to look all non-cringey and pretend I wasn’t expecting something really bad.

We’re a funny bunch, us families.  The trouble is, we need so many different things to make us happy… we’d like our journey through the airport to ‘flow’ (this is a word that crops up a lot), and we’d really rather not cause a big fuss (nothing guaranteed to get you worked into a tizz faster than someone standing behind you rolling their eyes and tutting as you struggle with a toddler and a pushchair).  We’d like a bit of help on occasions, yes, BUT we don’t want to be seen to be making ‘a fuss’ or to be singled out for ‘special’ treatment exactly… it’s a tough one.

Before the meeting, I asked around my friends and on Twitter about what parents really want when travelling, and how Gatwick (and the other airports – this panel is designed to help everyone, really) can help.  Several things came up, so let’s deal with them one by one:

Getting through security

This can be a nightmare (see aforementioned struggling and tutting).  It was mentioned in our last meeting and happily, Gatwick listened and did something about it.  Something brilliant.

They’ve now introduced a new ‘Assistance/Family’ security area, where families, disabled travellers and others needing a bit of help will get one to one service, friendly help and, in conjunction with a local school, they’ve even designed a special body X-ray machine that looks like a castle!  The scanner thingies are extra large to accommodate buggies (no more levering your buggy through one-handed while clutching a child with the other) and at busy times, Gatwick provide extra people to help.  The area has been open since December, so make sure you look for the signs.  Spot on, I reckon.

Something for children to do while waiting in the departure lounge

Lots of people asked about soft play areas/toys, etc, to keep children occupied while you’re waiting to go.  Few people know that there are already ‘kids zones’ in both terminals with a separate area for the children to have a play, and watch TV and plenty of seating for parents too.

In the South Terminal, the play areas are upstairs in the departure lounge opposite Café Rouge, and in the North Terminal they’re behind  Boots.  Seek them out!

We also talked about the possibility of providing children’s entertainers and other special events during busy times like the school holidays, something that Gatwick have done before with great results.

Returning home – buggies and Immigration

Picture the scene: you’ve just dragged yourself off a night flight.  You’ve got a grumpy toddler (or two) and an older one that’s tired and irritable.  You get off the plane with your hand luggage and have to carry the toddler all the way to the baggage area to collect your buggy.  This is made worse by the fact that the baggage reclaim is packed and you daren’t put them down in case they disappear in the crowd.  Sound familiar?  Thought so.  One of my friends, Catherine, said: ‘it can be a very long walk from gate to arrivals, especially when carrying a toddler and with the long queues seen recently’.  Also, someone else pointed out that, annoyingly, they’re often the very last things to come through.

The problem, apparently, is that once something is in the hold, protocol says that it can only be unloaded with the other baggage and picked up on the belts.  This is obviously too late for parents, who need a buggy when they get off the plane.  Gatwick are working hard with the airlines to provide a solution for this.  One idea, which I quite like, is to provide free ‘airline buggies’ for parents to borrow that they can then give back at the terminal once they’re reunited with their own buggy.

And that dreadful queue at Immigration?  Well this isn’t directly managed by Gatwick Airport, but they do work in conjunction with Immigration and have already implemented assistance lanes to help families get through faster.  And obviously new technology being introduced (the new ‘chip’ passports in particular), will also help to speed up transition through Immigration too.

And finally…

Next time you’re at the South terminal check out their new toilets.  Gatwick have spent loads of time and effort (and a good few quid too) making the toilets absolutely blingy and fabulous.  Each cubicle has tons of room, plus its own sink and hand dryer too, so you don’t even have to share tap space with anyone.  Awesome.

If there’s anything you’d like me to bring up at the next meeting, do let me know.  And do check out Gatwick’s information about flying with children on their website.  You’ll even find a few little hints and tips from yours truly!

Moving swiftly on from healthy eating, then, we must remember there are those of us at English Towers (the gangly, floppy haired ones and the skatery types) that still want a little something after school or dinner and demand treats, preferably piled up in an ungainly, chocolatey tower when doing A level revision.

This, and I don’t say this lightly, is my best chocolate brownie recipe ever.  I make it such a lot that I know it off by heart.  Oh yes, it’s been tweaked and added to (pistachios, chopped up Cadbury Fudge bars, rum-soaked raisins), but the plain old dark chocolate version is the one we love.  I also have to make this whenever the Death Wish Dude’s lovely mate, George, comes to visit as he’s a bit of a fan.  You’ll need:

200g dark chocolate (I swear by Bournville – already in a handy 200g size, dark but not too bitter)

170g salted butter (MUST be salted – or add a pinch if using unsalted)

3 eggs

200g soft brown sugar (caster is fine if you don’t have any)

110g plain flour

Preheat the oven to gas 4/180 degrees.

Melt the butter and chocolate in a bain-marie (you know the drill… bowl over a saucepan of just-simmering water – don’t let the bottom of the bowl come into contact with water).  Turn the water off when it’s just bubbling and stir the mixture gently until it’s combined.  Take it off the heat and allow to cool to room temperature.

Whisk the eggs and sugar together until light and frothy, then pour in the cooled chocolate/butter mixture, stir well, then add in the flour and any extras you’re adding (nuts… raisins… smarties… whatever).  Stir briefly until the flour disappears.

Pour into a well-lined baking tin (I use a lasagne tin, but a square cake tin will do).  Bake for about 30 minutes or until the top is cracked and shiny.  The centre should still be slightly soft.  Serve warm with ice cream (or if you’re serving as a dessert, whisk some cream with a bit of icing sugar and a slug of booze) or allow to cool and place in an airtight container

One word of warning: cut them small.  They won’t last long.

This thought occurred to me again when I was approached by hellofresh.co.uk. They offer a delivery service with a difference – they basically deliver all the ingredients PLUS a recipe that’s easy to follow, taking all the hard work and guess work out of it. I was quite impressed. Tell me more, I said to Caitlin.

So first you pop to their website – tell them how many there are in the household and choose how many meals you want, and they do the rest. They do all the shopping, and it appears at your door on a Monday evening between 5 and 9pm with recipes, all ready to go.  All the meals area easy to do and take under 30 minutes to prepare, with no fancy schmancy cheffy tools required.

The sample recipe was, I have to say, very impressive: a chicken breast with creamy rocket risotto and tomatoes for 2 people: