Evil Octopus Woman and her flabbergastingly farcical finances
So you’ll like this. Back yonder in October, I reported to you with near manic excitement, that I had secured myself a job testing recipes for a magazine. It started off really well – I developed their Christmas recipes and even helped with testing recipes for a book. The excitement of seeing my name in print was well worth the magazine’s rather erratic payment schedule. Initially.
By April this year, though, I was getting a bit worried. I’d only been paid for October and November 08, and although my increasingly concerned emails were met with ‘a cheque run will be done on Friday, I’ll make sure you’re on it’ or ‘I’ll have a word with the accounts department’ type replies – somehow the cheques never materialised. ‘They’re going to go bust’, said Hubby, ‘mark my words. And they’re going to take your money with them’.
Every month became a toss-up between accepting the proferred offer of work or declining it as the likelihood of my getting paid seemed more remote. By the time I went to Florida in May I had still not received any more money and started to chase my payments a little more vigorously. One was, indeed, paid while I was away – the invoice for work I did in December. This was getting ridiculous, as were the excuses for non-payment: the person who signed the cheques was away, then the accounts lady was away, then my invoices weren’t right and had to be re-issued… You get the picture.
The accounts woman was… well, not exactly sympathetic – in fact, her emails got more and more aggressive and she even picked a fight with Hubby on the phone when he tried to explain a tax issue that she patently didn’t (or wouldn’t) understand. I started to picture the evil octopus lady (what was her name? Ursula?) from The Little Mermaid – whenever I heard her voice. ‘Fair play to ‘em though’, said Hubby, ‘she must be the best darned accounts person ever – she never actually pays anyone.’
Another month of polite enquiries got me absolutely nowhere and I finally sent an email to the Editor pleading for payment of at least a couple of my outstanding cheques. This was ignored. I sent another saying that I wouldn’t be doing any more work until I got paid. Well. Evil Octopus Lady did not like that one bit. I got another snotty email telling me off for going to the Editor and pointing out that ALL (bold, capitals, underlined) accounts enquiries go ONLY (bold, capitals, underlined) through her.
Finally, after a snotty email exchange of epic proportions, I got January cheque yesterday and – holy cack – another one today covering February and March, meaning only one left to pay. Evil Octopus Lady’s final nose-thumbing coming in the form of a complement slip enclosed with the cheque stating, and I quote, that ‘invoices will only be paid 30 days after date of receipt of invoice AND NOT BEFORE’. Oh, so she was just making doubly sure by keeping the cheques for 150 days, then.
She obviously passed on our last snotty exchange to her boss, though, and I got a ‘piss off’ letter today in the form of an email telling me that my services are no longer required. I couldn’t help myself. I replied, saying that I wouldn’t work for them ever again even if they were the last employer on earth, and that I hope the next mug they take on to test their recipes doesn’t mind waiting five months for their money.
So that’s it, then. Fired. Anyone need a cookery writer?
Alright, I know, I’m late with my comment but I’ve been *busy*
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