ENGLISH MUM

The fields around this area are, at various times of the year, the most beautiful, glowing yellow with all the oilseed rape.  Driving anywhere in the car, it will only be a matter of minutes before someone shouts ‘rape!’ from the back seat (yes, yes, it’s not politically correct, but try explaining being PC to any 15 year old and then you’ll really understand the meaning of a lost cause). Anyhoo,...

Wow it’s hot.  If you’re in Ireland, where I spent several summers bemoaning the fact that the south of England was always about 8 degrees warmer than us, then ahahahaha erm, I mean you’re probably not experiencing the epidermis-melting heat of the last few days here in England, but trust me, it’s hot. And when it’s hot, all thoughts of chocolatey desserts go right out the window....

  *sigh* It’s bloody January again (to quote Flanders and Swann). Apparently there is no news in the whole world apart from the fact that it’s snowing.  And if that, plus the fact that fate decided to dump 4″ of it upon English Towers II wasn’t quite bad enough, it seems that no teacher can possibly drive in slush, so the kids are off as well. It’s enough to make you want to...

So that’s it, then.  The big day is shortly upon us and I’m looking forward to a small family Christmas  at our new little house in Hertfordshire. Wherever you are and whoever you’re with, I wish you all a wonderful, indulgent Christmas. And as always, remember to chill out, have fun, stick on your glad rags, enjoy your precious loved ones, have a few cocktails, don’t shout at the...

Well, well, well, hello again!  We’re all moved over to the UK (after much swearing and broken fingernails packing the house up, then a ferry crossing from hell with storm force winds and high seas).  We’re moved into English Towers Mark 2 (kitchen is a B+ but garden’s a C-) but sadly I’ve no internet connection, so I’m going to hand you over to my lovely friend Mise for a little...

Righty ho, then, so tomorrow is Stir-up Sunday, which gives me carte blanche to get all Christmassy even though it’s still not December.  Bonus.  Today, your mission, should you wish to accept it, is to make sure you have the following ingredients to make your Christmas puds tomorrow, or whenever.  I won’t be checking or anything.  As usual with this sort of thing, this recipe is just a guide,...

  Ah, Northern Ireland.  How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.  I have several equally random reasons; one: we’re only about an hour away and it’s rather nice to be able to pop to the shops in a different country.  Two: the shopping’s much cheaper than here – and it’s an extra thrill to shop in my native sterling too (and until Southern Irish shops stop ripping off...

So I had a lovely birthday, thank you so much for all your good wishes.  I got lots of donations to my KitchenAid fund, which is now looking quite healthy, plus lots of lovely bits and pieces for my garden (including a fantastic Eucalyptus tree from the boys), and 6 new sparkly Denby mugs from Hubby to add to my collection: Sensible Uncle I and Lovely L bought me Ching He Huang’s new Chinese cookbook. ...

Sunday lunch, then, and even though I say so myself, this one was rather a cracker.  Given a unanimous 10/10 (unheard of in our house) and with the added bonus of being one of the easiest too.  First up then is the main course: Roast lamb with creamy layered potatoes ½ leg lamb (about 1kg) 1 kg potatoes 50g butter 300ml milk or cream So for the lamb, just preheat the oven at about 180/gas 4, rub all over...

So you know how you can cook something with your eyes shut, and then the moment you invite someone round and do it, it all goes horribly wrong?  The very thing happened when the Disreputable One visited once – I made the cheesecake I make successfully ALL the time, I presented it at the table with a flourish, tried to slice it and realised in horror that it was completely runny.  Seriously dearest reader,...

   I’m still struggling with this photography lark, y’know.  It’s not easy trying to take classy pictures when you’re up to your elbows in egg whites.  I’m going to wreck my camera at this rate.  Still, here we go with another step by step: this time a classic lemon meringue pie. Lemon curd press the pastry into the...

So this week, Mr Lovely (D next door’s brother in law – it’s all so incestuous round these parts) turned 40.  Mrs L has been, somewhat reluctantly it has to be said, planning a big party and we had a little brainstorming evening to sort out the finer details.  Seeing as Mr L is a fireman, it made sense for someone to bake a fire engine cake.  Mrs Lovely didn’t volunteer.  Neither...

So Friday night we went to see the new Bond movie, Quantum of Solace.  It was really good.  I’m loving these new Bonds – not just because of the eye candy that is Daniel Craig, but also the sheer beauty of the whole things: I love all the amazing locations… the flash cars… the beautiful girls.  Ah, I’m a bit of a Bond fan, really. Anyhoo – just before we left I made these...

  So it’s half term.  And Middle Lovely came for a sleepover with #2.  He’s a happy little chap; talks ten to the dozen like #1 and he loves to cook.  So last night I got talked into having chocolate pancakes for tea, and this morning we all made a cake.  He could never live with us full time as our arteries would probably explode.  Here goes with the pancakes, then: For the basic breakfast...

So we ended up having an incredibly late night on Friday round C and K’s (the ones with the boat – keep up), drinking vast amounts of champagne and Chablis and tucking into a takeaway Chinese.  I was completely toasted and woke up the next day at midday with a hammerdrill playing havoc with the inside of my head (I know, I know – self to blame).  Happily, I saw both C and K down the shop...

So I’ve had ups and downs with my first year of vegetable patch ownership.  For example, the sweet peas went completely mental but didn’t give me a single bloody flower, the pumpkins, coriander and basil all died (too cold? we didn’t really have any sunshine) and the cucumber covered the whole plot in huge leaves and spidery tentrils, but no cucumbers (well how was I to know it was a...

So pastry, then.  Well it’s a bit of a sod, frankly and I try not to bother if at all possible.  I always get it all stuck to the rolling pin (not being the dantiest of bakers) but hey, my family don’t mind my rustic baking.  I was telling me Ma, then, about Bill Granger’s fantastically easy pastry made with melted butter.  He pinched it off Patricia Wells so I, in turn, pinched it off...

  So.  It’s happened then.  I have to say it was with a certain amount of trepidation that I opened #1′s door that particular morning – half expecting to see some embryonic teenager emerging from a particularly stinky chrysalis, complete with already formed armpit hair and foot odour.  Happily, a rumpled but still cheery greeting from under the duvet confirmed that the small, perky and...

  So I don’t know how, but both my children have their birthdays within two weeks of each other.  Maybe it was the bad English summers that sent us indoors in search of better things to do?  Whatever.  First up on the birthday honours is #2 who finally hits double digits (‘Finally, I’ve got double Ds!’  He told me innocently in a somewhat Jordanesque manner).  And in true English Towers...

Okay, so all that crap I said about our neighbours being lovely?  Scrap that.  D wanders in earlier, on the hunt for a missing child, oh and a spare Hubby to hit the pub with.  ‘So what’s for dinner?’, he says.  I open the oven, where a rather beautiful toad in the hole is puffing up nicely, and wait smugly for the compliment.  It doesn’t come.  ‘Ew’, says D, ‘you’re...

Oh, and me and me Mam were reminiscing about this little beauty. It was a Christmas tradition in our house and it may sound weird but it tastes bloody fab. 1 packet ginger biscuits Sherry or orange juice (ooh, or Morgan’s Spiced Rum would be great) Double Cream, whipped Dark chocolate So take each biscuit individually and then dunk it in the sherry (or orange juice if you’ve got kids eating this...

225g good quality dark chocolate 6 oz butter 3 eggs 8 oz caster sugar 4oz plain flour For the ganache: Small tub double cream Small bar dark or white chocolate Melt your butter and chocolate in a bain-marie (bowl over saucepan of simmering water) or in the microwave if you’re brave enough, but I always burn it. As always with this type of method, take it off the heat as soon as it’s well on the way...

Disreputable Dad, having recently discovered technology, is now able to berate me by email (typed, apparently, over several hours and with one finger) as well as phone, and says he doesn’t read the recipes. So here, for everyone except DD, is #1′s chocolate cheesecake. Well, I couldn’t find a chocolate cheesecake recipe anywhere that didn’t involve either baking it (he didn’t want...

Blimey, Sunday again already. We’ve all decided we’re bored of roasts, so I’m going for a good old fashioned shepherd’s pie today, then by special request of son #2 I’m going to make a lemon cake. Now, seeing as this child doesn’t eat anything, and I worry constantly (as mothers do) about the state of his insides, I reckon that a lemon cake must at least get some vitamin C...