2012 will be all about snapshots. And not about stuff.
So here’s a question for you: what did you get for Christmas last year? Go on, think hard. And your birthday? Hmm, thought not. I can’t remember either. And that’s not to belittle my beloved and family, who obviously shopped mindfully and thoughtfully and bought me gifts they knew I’d love. I just honestly can’t remember.
Now I’ll ask you another question: where did you GO last year? What did you experience? What memory makes your heart soar? Yup, now I bet you can remember. Me? I stood on the observation deck of the world’s tallest building in Dubai. I had lunch with Jimmy Doherty, walked in the footsteps of the Mayans at Chichen Itza and shared amazing tapas and cocktails in a bar in London with some of my closest, dearest friends. Oh, and I stood on the bow of a beautiful cruise ship as it docked in the Bahamas, gasped as the Red Arrows whooshed over my head at Goodwood and got my apron on at Leith’s (among other things).
So, beginning to see my point? We (and I’m one of the biggest culprits here) are all about stuff: buying stuff to wear, buying stuff for our homes, a new handbag here, a new face cream there. I wonder how much money I spent on STUFF last year. Actually, it’s probably best that I don’t wonder. I’d be horrified.
What will my teenagers remember when they look back on their ever-decreasing childhood years? Will it be the HMV vouchers and the trainers? Maybe. But I’m also hoping it will be the amazing adventures that we’ve shared: watching pelicans fishing on the Riviera Maya, playing Xbox games with their creators in Cologne and whizzing about a skate park under the Westway flyover.
So this year (and this is my resolution, if I dare call it that) will be all about experiences. And not about stuff. I will step away from the Buy It Now button and stash my cash for that city break… that coveted wander around Borough Market… maybe even a holiday. All those memories, ready and waiting to be made. And cherished. Snapshots of a life lived well, ready to be brought out on a gloomy November day, and many November days to come, and replayed for my enjoyment.
So here’s wishing you a very happy New Year. May you create many new snapshots for your own collection x
The Party: new friends, old friends and wine on the carpet
There’s nothing quite like a houseful of your favourite people to bring about a warm glow. Admittedly, several glasses of fizz added to my glow, but mostly it was goodwill and stuff, I’m sure.
We really did have a lovely time. Sadly, I’m completely useless and only managed to take two pictures, one of which was all blurry, the other of which was this one: Mad Uncle Ali, his lovely fiancée and his gorgeous daughter, my niece, Lu. What a good looking bunch:
And I made TONS of food, and didn’t take a picture of that either. I am useless. I did a mahoosive cheeseboard, groaning with all sorts of different cheeses and liberally adorned with bunches of grapes and cherry tomatoes, then I did apple and red onion sausage rolls, little parmesan biscuits and later, a big pot of spicy lentil dahl (and yes, it does look a bit like poo, but I like to think that what it lacks in looks it makes up for in taste) and spicy chicken skewers… and not one scrap of evidence. You’ll just have to trust me.
We made some new friends too – The Prof’s lovely friends, the twins, brought their Mum and Dad along and they turned out to be really lovely as well (they’ve just got a brand new Beagle puppy, which they’ve called Lemon. I like them even more because of that). Hubby’s sis and bro came with their other halves, my Disreputable Dad, his partner, my Mum (I know, right? I live on the edge, I do), my gorgeous friends Foxy and The Glamorous Clare and their families and hoards of varying teenagers all clustered upstairs round the Xbox… it was certainly snug. But great fun.
My Disreputable Dad made me laugh. It was his turn to drive, but he kept sneakily getting his glass topped up until his other half admitted defeat and agreed to drive. Sneaky. Sadly my big bro was away on holiday but apart from that we were surrounded by lots of people we love. There was cackling, drinking, and a bit of slopping red wine on the carpet (*glares at Mad Uncle Ali*) but hey, it came off. And I didn’t forget too much of the food that I’d made either… only the little mini quiches I made got forgotten, which is always a bonus.
I guess the only disappointment is that we started too early – 2pm – which meant we were all partied out and finished by 10.30. And no dancing! Ah well.
So it’s on to New Year now, then… what a lovely Christmas. How was yours?
New Traditions, dog vomit, drunken Santas, kitchen fires and ‘Pie Day’
So it was a funny old Christmas. A LOVELY Christmas, but a funny one. Trust me, a Christmas with teenagers is just as much fun as a Christmas with teenies, just a lot different.
The first bit of festive fun was when Mad Uncle A and his new fiancée came to visit. The dog took a liking to the fiancée (in the way that dogs do when they sense that a person might not be a dog lover). She behaved appallingly (the dog, not the fiancée) and spent the entire time with her nose up the poor girl’s skirt. Later, when enjoying an evening of witty banter and intelligent chat, the dog wandered in and threw her dinner up in a big steaming pile on the carpet. Even later, after the hot water, rubber gloves and carpet cleaner, she proceeded to fill the room with those ‘silent but deadly’ farts that only dogs can muster. Joy.
And then, on Christmas Eve, a new tradition was born: we understand that maybe being dragged round different relatives isn’t the brevren’s idea of fun, so we created a new tradition: McDonald’s with Nan. This went well, especially the round of McDonald’s Festive Pies – you know, those weird crispy rectangles filled with liquid that is HOTTER THAN THE CENTRE OF THE EARTH. That shut us all up. Still, it was a new take on relly visiting and seemed to work quite well.
Later, when we were all sat round the table at my big brother’s house (and yes, the Lycheeni cocktails were flowing), talking about Christmas in general and Santa in particular, the Mad Prof pipes up:
‘I think Santa was a bit pissed last year – you’ve never heard so much bloody rustling and giggling…’
Oh.
Obviously I countered with ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’, being of the ‘if you don’t believe you don’t receive’ school of thought, but still. Santa tried hard to be a bit more sober this year.
The same table saw what has become known as Trivgate, when I was unceremoniously ejected from our family game of Trivial Pursuit by my nephew Jackson for messing about (he takes games VERY seriously). ’I think you should leave, Aunty Becky’ rocked me to my very core. I did the ‘walk of shame’ from the table. Still, I then discovered my niece, Turtle, had also escaped and was watching Four Christmases. Result.
Christmas morning saw me sitting bolt upright in bed at 9am with NOBODY else awake. I had an irresistible urge to go and grab a saucepan and a wooden spoon and wake everyone up with some experimental percussion numbers, but instead I just sulked. Until I could take it no more and went and gave them BIG cuddles. There was a bit of swearing, but blimey: Santa had BEEN!
The Prof got a life sized Batman from his mates Mick and Sam, which is awesome, but must have meant overcoming some serious delivery issues:
And here’s my Christmas day in pictures. You will notice that, as usual, I tried to set the house on fire (I was rescued by the Death Wish Dude who wandered in, wondering what I was cooking that smelt THAT bad), and that the dog was pretty nonplussed about the whole event. You will also notice possibly the best grumpy photo of English Dad EVER and that Hubby’s Auntie, who is deaf and struggles with names, particularly mine, chose to address me as ‘Lady of Jim’ this year. I like it: it’s kind of regal, don’t you think?
Boxing Day, the Disreputable Dad and his partner came round. There was much hilarity, lots of drinking, a bit of wrestling and a mahoosive turkey and ham pie (which I forgot to take a photo of). Henceforth, Boxing Day (which doesn’t make sense anyway) has been rechristened Pie Day. It’s got a nice ring to it.
And we’re having a party on the 29th so I’ll keep the camera handy, don’t you worry.
And a very Merry Christmas to you!
So this is it – the big day is nearly upon us! I hope you’re all sorted… if you need any last minute advice, it’s all here:
If you need help choosing wine to match your food
If you need help with cooking the turkey on Christmas day (remember if you are lucky enough to have a free range bronze Turkey they take considerably less time to cook – click here for the KellyBronze Turkey recommended cooking times).
For easy apple, red onion and chestnut stuffing click here
For easy last minute chocolate jaffa cake Christmas trees click here
For Christmas baked ham click here
For gorgeous Cranberry and port sauce click here
So that’s it, then. Christmas sorted. Here are a few of my golden Christmas rules, a ‘Christmas mantra’ if you would, for when things get a little stressful:
- Chill out and remember it’s just another day and another roast dinner
- Have fun – proper fun, not ‘oh okay, if I MUST’ type fun
- Dress up!
- Enjoy your loved ones
- Have a few cocktails
- Light a candle
- Take a deep breath and count to ten first
- Don’t worry about your waistline
- Give
someoneeveryone you love a kiss under the mistletoe - Say you love it even it you hate it
- Keep your hand on your ha’penny (one of these days I’ll find out what this actually means)
- Oh, and please don’t drink and drive. I need you here to keep me company.
And while I’m on the subject, thank you for popping in this year, whether you’ve clicked here once or a hundred times – your visits and comments mean such a lot to me. Until next year, then. Mwah xx
‘And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store? What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more?’
Apple, red onion and chestnut stuffing
Probably a bit late with this one, but as I was making my stuffing this morning I made a few tweaks to my last recipe and thought you might like it – apologies if yours is already shopped for and made! We like a lot of stuffing and this quantity will fill a decent-sized terrine with a little left over, which I roll into little balls and bake separately, but feel free to halve it if there’s only a few of you.
You will need:
1 -2 tbsp butter
2 red onions, finely chopped
2 dessert apples, grated (don’t bother to peel)
2 x 375g packs pork sausage meat
100g fresh white breadcrumbs
100g vac packed chestnuts, crumbled (we’re a family divided over chestnuts – if you love them, add the whole pack)
2 tbsp parsley, chopped
2 tbsp thyme, chopped
2 tbsp sage, chopped
Squeeze of lemon juice
Seasoning to taste
So heat the butter in the frying pan and add in the onion. Fry very gently until softened. Add in the apple and cook that just until it’s a bit darker in colour and softened.
Remove from the heat and allow to cool. I make the stuffing in the KitchenAid but if you’re doing it without one I suggest you just get your hands in there – it’s the easiest way to combine everything.
So now just bung it all together: the cooled onion and apple mixture, the sausage meat, breadcrumbs, crumbled chestnuts, herbs and lemon juice, and give it a good old mix.
Season well (you can fry a teaspoon of mixture if you want to check the seasoning). Transfer to your buttered terrine and store, covered with cling film, in the fridge until the big day. It’ll take about half an hour in the oven at about 190/gas 5 (180 if you’ve got a fan oven). Obviously it looks a bit more appetising when it’s cooked, but I’m not cooking it until tomorrow.
This also makes a very nice stuffing for ravioli if you happen to get a pasta machine for Christmas!
Gorgeous port and cranberry sauce
So yes you can rush out and buy a jar of cranberry sauce, but it’s equally easy to rush out and buy pack of cranberries, and this yummy sauce will not only adorn your Christmas plate with its gorgeousness, but also scent your home so delightfully it could put Yankee Candles to shame. You can use all port if you haven’t got any Cointreau (English Dad got a bit sniffy about me using his posh Taylor’s, hence the addition of Cointreau), but it does give a nice orangey zing.
You will need:
1 pack cranberries (or you can use frozen) – about 250g should do it
100g brown sugar
1 orange, zested then juiced
1 cinnamon stick
120ml port
60ml Cointreau (or other orange liqueur)
A pinch of dried chilli flakes
Just pop all the ingredients into a saucepan:
… and simmer away for about 20 minutes. Remember that cranberries have VERY high pectin, so even if you think it’s not thick enough, take it off the heat as it will thicken up as it cools. Don’t forget to fish out the cinnamon stick.
Pour into a sterilised jam jar (dishwasher cycle or a good wash up and a thorough drenching with boiling water) and pop on a lid (it should just about fill one jar). And that’s it! Make double and give as a present, or just use yourself on Christmas day.
Everything you need to know about spiced and glazed Christmas ham – small or big!
To skip all the waffle and just get to the recipe, feel free to scroll down.
It will be no surprise to you when you hear me say that I love Christmas. LOVELOVELOVE Christmas! But often I find that Christmas recipes involve huge amounts of food. There’s generally only the four of us for Christmas lunch, plus maybe my Mum, so to turn to Nigella’s Christmas book and find her recipe for Christmas ham starts with a 6.5kg joint is a bit of a shocker – and frankly my maths isn’t fantastic, so downsizing a recipe generally involves taking off my shoes and socks and borrowing the kids’ fingers and toes too. Far too much like hard work.
This recipe, therefore – and I’ve tested it – my family have been eating christmas glazed ham since September – works with ANY sized joint. Multiply it up and down as you see fit and as suits you.
I think ham makes a wonderful Boxing Day (or St Stephen’s Day if you’re across the Irish Sea) feast. It’s wonderful hot with creamy mashed potatoes, or cold with chutneys and cheeses and a hunk of crusty bread.
Choosing your ham (or gammon, to be precise)
What’s the difference? Well essentially, gammon is what ham is before it’s cooked – it’s generally wet cured in brine, however dry curing is thought to give a better result. Again, it’s up to you.
When choosing a Christmas gammon joint I’d recommend going to a good butcher. I know supermarkets have them in, but butchers get really good quality meat, and you know how I feel about poor intensively farmed piggies. Be vocal. Ask where the meat has come from. This is not the time of year to have every bite sticking in your throat with guilt. Choose a pig that lived a happy life and had a humane ending. You’ll feel better for it. If you’re choosing in a supermarket, though, look out for the Red Tractor logo – a sure sign of decent quality meat.
I prefer smoked gammon, which has a more intense flavour, but go with what you fancy.
Spicing and poaching
Spicing your gammon as you simmer it infuses wonderful flavour into the meat. It also makes the kitchen (and the whole house) smell fantastic – a big part of Christmas cooking as far as I’m concerned.
You can also poach your gammon in all sorts of different liquids. Cider works really well, and Coca Cola imbues a really gorgeous depth and sweetness.
For this recipe, I’ve used plain old water.
With the spices, just think Christmas. Again, this bit is personal preference. Leave things out if you don’t have them, or add something a bit different if you like.
Glazing and roasting
Glazing adds a gorgeous, sticky finish and an incredible amount of flavour. Again, the glaze can be as simple or as complicated as you like. Personally, I think you need the following elements:
1. Sticky: Marmalade works really well, as does honey, Hoi Sin sauce (thanks, Erica, for that one) or even golden syrup or mango chutney.
2. Boozy: I’ve used Pedro Ximenez sherry (it’s got a scrummy, raisiny flavour which is basically Christmas in a bottle), but dark rum will do the trick – if you don’t want to use alcohol, try Worcestershire sauce or soy sauce. Or add both.
3. Sweet: dark brown sugar is perfect here
4. Spicy: 1 or 2 tsp of mustard will do, but you could add chilli sauce, or grated fresh ginger
Something fresh is nice too – maybe some orange juice or a squeeze of lime.
Keep the basic quantities the same and you’ll have roughly the right amount.
But frankly, you could just spoon over a couple of tablespoons of honey and it would still be lush.
The final roasting allows the meat to suck up all those gorgeous flavours. If you stick a pan with some water in the bottom of the oven, it shouldn’t dry out too much. Whatever sized joint, it should only need about 3o mins – after all, it’s already cooked.
Anyhoo, here’s my version:
Christmas glazed ham
1 smoked gammon joint – anywhere from 800g to 8kg
1 large onion
1 cinnamon stick, snapped
1 tsp Szechuan peppercorns (or black peppercorns if you don’t have them)
2 or 3 star anise
1 tsp cumin seeds
3 or 4 cardamom pods
4 or 5 cloves
Small piece of dried ginger (or fresh)
2 bay leaves
For the glaze:
4 tbsp maple syrup
2 tbsp Pedro Ximenez sherry (or dark rum, or whatever you’ve got)
1 tbsp dark brown sugar
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
Squeeze of lime
Pop the gammon joint into a nice, big saucepan (make sure you have a lid to fit), add in enough cold water to cover and pop in all the spices, plus a large onion, and maybe some carrots or celery too.
Bring to the boil, then reduce the heat and simmer gently (JUST bubbling) for 30 minutes per 500g. This one here is quite small, only 800g, so I did it for just under an hour – you don’t have to be too precise.
When the time’s up, allow to cool (you need to handle it and frankly, we could all do without third degree burns at Christmas), then remove the rind. Leave on the fat. If you want to, you can do the traditional diamond shaped scoring, dotting each intersection with a clove.
Preheat the oven to 180/gas 4.
Place all your glaze ingredients in a saucepan and stir until just combined. Place the joint on a baking tray and pour over about a third of the glaze. Spread it around with a pastry brush. If you don’t want to mess about with a glaze, just spoon over a couple of tablespoons of runny honey.
Bake for about ten minutes, then remove and glaze again.
Bake for another ten minutes, then remove and cover with the rest of the glaze. Give it ten more minutes and you’re done.
This ham will keep for up to a week wrapped well in the fridge, but I doubt it will last that long!
Squishy lemon iced buns with a hibiscus icing
When I was in Dubai, I loved that they used Hibiscus in cooking, and in tea. It has a flavour – and colour – similar to cranberry – fruity but tart – so when I saw some in the Bastakiya market I nabbed some, feeling that it would be excellent around Christmas time. Here’s my first Christmassy experiment. I think it works really well.
450g strong white bread flour
1 tsp salt
75g sugar
1 x 7g sachet dried yeast
150ml milk
150ml water
50g butter
Zest of one lemon
For the icing:
2 tbsp dried hibiscus flowers
4 or 5 tbsp icing sugar
So for the soft iced buns:
Sieve the flour into a large bowl, then stir in the salt, sugar, and dried yeast. In a small saucepan, warm the milk, butter and lemon zest over a low heat until the butter has just melted, then turn off the heat. The liquid should be at no more than blood temperature when it’s added to the dry ingredients.
Pour most of the milky mixture into the dry ingredients and stir it around with a knife until you get a light dough. Leave it as sticky as you can bear as this will make the end result really soft. You can always add a bit of flour. Now start kneading: with the heel of one hand, press and splurge the dough away from you, (imagine you’re smearing it across the work surface) then bring it back, squish it into a ball again, turn it over and then splurge it again. As it’s quite a wet dough this is a bit messy, but that all adds to the fun. Again, if you’re getting really covered, you can always add a bit of extra flour. As you knead it, it will become more elastic and springy and less squelchy.
When you’ve kneaded for about 5 minutes and your dough is springy and soft (you know I’m going to do the bottom cheek analogy now, don’t you – I can’t help it) and akin to a plump baby’s bottom, cover it with clingfilm and leave it in the airing cupboard or somewhere else warm until it’s doubled in size. Then, just knock it back with your fist and form it into 8 balls. Either place them on a baking tray or arrange them inside a springform cake tin like I did, then cover and rise again until they’re puffed up.
Bake for about 15-20 minutes at 180/gas 6 until they sound hollow when tapped on the bottom (God, I’ve got some kind of bottom obsession. Sorry).
While they’re baking, you can make the icing. Take a couple of tablespoons of the dried hibiscus and just cover with boiling water. Leave to infuse. If you’re not using the hibiscus, just use cranberry juice, or even just lemon juice. Remember to add the liquid to the icing sugar and not the other way round. Dribble by dribble, keep adding liquid until the icing is thick and viscous. Too runny and it will all disappear down the sides of the buns, and too thick and it won’t dribble in a satisfactory, dribbly manner.
As soon as they’re out of the oven…
… drizzle the icing all over them so it runs down the sides…
For an added Middle Eastern touch, you could sprinkle them with crushed pistachio nuts, or for added Christmassyness some good old edible glitter, or even chopped, dried cranberries. Or all of it, if you’re feeling all daredevilly (wait, is that a word?).
As always, make these your own by adding maybe some Christmas spices, sultanas or substituting the lemon for orange.
Big Mad Cookery Dad’s amazing Limotiramalee!
So when I was on Nick Coffer’s fabulous Weekend Kitchen show on BBC 3 Counties radio, I met the lovely Christian, AKA Big Mad Cookery Dad. He made this fabulous dessert and it was soooo good, I’ve asked him to share it with you. So without further ado, here’s Chris:
Thank you so much for your kind invitation to share a Big Mad Cookery Dad concoction amongst your Christmas recipes. Here is a zesty fusion of a Tiramisu and Creme Brulee with a citrus and boozy hit which really works and gets the big thumbs up at dinner parties and family gatherings alike.
Here’s wishing you and all your readers a very happy and peaceful Christmas and a very happy and successful New Year. And don’t forget, keep on experimenting with new flavours, it’s a big mad foodie world out there!!
Limotiramalee
Zest of 1 lemon, unwaxed and squeezed
Zest of 1 lime, unwaxed
1 tablespoon caster sugar
250ml water
½ pint of double cream
250g Mascarpone cheese
150ml Grand Marnier
1 orange, squeezed
2 tablespoons of caster sugar
Trifle fingers
•
Take the zest of the lemon and the lime and place in a saucepan with the caster sugar and water. Reduce the mixture until it forms thick syrup. Strain the zest from the syrup and set aside. The leftover zest can be used to make cookies or cupcakes!
•
Whip the double cream until it’s just starting to thicken and add the mascarpone and citrus syrup.
•
Start to whisk and add the juice of the lemon whilst whisking – this reacts and sets the mixture into a mousse. Place in the fridge.
•
In a saucepan place the Grand Marnier, the juice of the orange, the caster sugar, and a splash of water. Heat to burn the alcohol off and set aside.
•
In a glass oven dish (a lasagne dish works well) place a layer of trifle fingers across the bottom and add the Grand Marnier mixture. Place in the fridge for a few hours to infuse.
•
After the Grand Marnier mixture has infused into the fingers and is nicely chilled, add the mousse over the top and smooth down. Place back in the fridge until you are ready to add the brulee topping.
•
When set in the fridge, sprinkle caster sugar over the surface and blitz with a blowtorch until the sugar caramelises. If you don’t have a blowtorch, a really hot grill will work ok. However if you feel really loopy you can attempt a sugar cage, by lightly oiling a glass mixing bowl, then reducing 2 tablespoons of caster sugar with a splash of water in a non stick pan until it turns golden brown and bubbling. Quickly with a spoon, drizzle the hot sugar in a criss cross pattern over the bowl until covered. Leave for 5 minutes to set, and then really carefully lift the cage onto the pud. Finally spend about an hour cleaning the set sugar spillage off your work surfaces!!!’
Kind Regards
Big Mad Cookery Dad.
English Mum’s Big Christmas Bakeoff: the entries
And lo, many moons ago (three years, to be precise) there was a foodie obsessed blogger who thought it would be really nice to get lots of pictures together from all the other foodie obsessed people out there and have a bit of a ‘look what I made!’ type get together. And it’s grown to this – the wonderful Big Christmas Bakeoff.
Thanks so, so much if you entered this year. Every single entry is amazing – some are technically brilliant, some are made with love by very small people… but all are fabulous in their own way.
The winners will be announced at the bottom of this post as soon as I can track down the chief judge, English Grandma.
The main winner will receive brand spanking new copies of both Jo Pratt’s books: In the mood for entertaining and In the mood for food, along with a load of other goodies like Leisure tea towels and oven gloves from Leisure Range Cookers, and FIVE lucky little bakers will win a Jingle the husky Story Buddy, complete with their very own storybook. Mahoosive thank you to both Leisure and www.hallmark.co.uk for being so generous with the prizes.
So feast your eyes, then, and I’ll be back soon to tell you all about the winners!
AND IT’S OVER TO ENGLISH GRANDMA WITH THE RESULTS!….
The winner is Chelsea Mamma’s Baileys Cheesecake
Christmas biscuits by Cari’s 3 year old [so love that angel - with wings!]
Chocolate yule log from Marie & twins [yummmmm]
Carol & BG’s Christmas biscuits [so pretty]
Cass’ daughter’s gingerbread house [clever]
Nessa and family’s chocolate marshmallow brown sugar fudge [need you ask?]
Well done everyone! Get in touch and we’ll get your prizes to you asap 
And thanks to my fab sponsors and my wonderful Mum too!
