The May roundup. This month I have been mostly:
Planning…
…for our big blogger trip to SeaWorld (just 17 more sleeps!). The lovely chaps at Jeep sent me this beautiful backpack to take with me, bless ‘em:
Toning…
… well, hopefully – with my fab new Reebok EasyTones – there’ll be buns of steel by Florida, mark my words..
Hoping …
…that I’m in with a chance to win – my lovely friend Lu at Family Affairs has the most fantastic competition running to win a £150 Lavish spa gift. Get entering right now!
Scoffing…
… these amazing chocolate pizzas:
In celebration of the World Cup, the Gourmet Chocolate Pizza Company have produced a range of football themed chocolaty treats including these mini 3” ‘Football Fun’ pizzas, which can be customized with the colours of your favourite team, football-shaped chocolate balls and football themed chocolate lollies.
and finally…
Wishing…
…that I could whisk the family away for a lovely holiday at Walt Disney World, Florida. If you’re lucky enough to have some spare cash, my lovely pals at Disney have given me the heads up on some great special offers. Book 5 or more nights in a Disney Hotel (Moderate or Deluxe) including park ticket and you’ll enjoy FREE Disney dining for the duration of your stay …
..or you can book Disney’s 14-day Ultimate Ticket now and receive it for the price of Disney’s 7-day Premium Ticket.
Click on the linky loos for more info. See how flibbin useful I am? Onwards to June, then…
Innocent fridge magnets
Firstly, I’d like to say thank you to Innocent Drinks, who sent me a lovely strawberry plant and a set of their new fridge magnets to say sorry that I couldn’t come to their recent open house at Fruit Towers.
Secondly, I’d like to point out that my oldest child is taking full advantage of the magnets. How educational!
Wisteria and chickens
Wow it’s been beautiful, hasn’t it? We’re really starting to feel at home in this house now (well I am, the kids were settled pretty much straight away). Here at English Towers II our little garden is actually a bit of a revelation, what with the gorgeous Wisteria that’s emerging, draping itself over the wrought iron arch that leads to the vegetable patch and the greenhouse:
As you can see, I’m still working on that vegetable patch, hence the weeds, but I’ve planted some peas:
…and a little herb border:
…and underneath all those weeds and nettles, I was delighted to find old strawberry plants and raspberries already there, both of which are happily flowering. This, it seems, is the benefit of inheriting a garden off an older person – it may be slightly overgrown, but there are treasures just waiting to be discovered:
…like this beautiful old lilac tree which leans, like the Wisteria over the ancient brick garage:
What’s the old saying? You plant Magnolia for your children and Wisteria for your grandchildren? I have no idea how old this beauty is, but walking under its blooms to potter in the little greenhouse has become one of my nightly pleasures. And then, after plenty of swearing, I put together the chicken ark (the more eagle-eyed amongst you will notice that at this stage I had forgotten to slide the little door into place and had to take the whole bloody thing apart again):
and yesterday we picked up our chickens, a beautiful, lavender coloured Bluebelle and a white Sussex Star (and look at the Wisteria now, just a couple of days after the first shot):
My only concern is that they haven’t been introduced to the Ninja Cat of Death yet, but seeing as she’s still quite small, I’m hoping they’ll keep her in her place. Still, as with all things in my life, it has the potential to go horribly wrong. I’ll keep you informed…
Guest Post Day: It’s Insomniac Mummy’s Hot or Not!
It’s Friday! Woohoo!
Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Ellie and I’m a blogaholic. You can usually find me wittering over on my blog, Insomniac Mummy. But today, for one day only you, the devoted readers of English Mum, have the somewhat dubious pleasure of my company!
Usually, in my muddled, sleepless world, I like to round off the week with a little bit of light hearted fun. Like a hearty meal, it’s good for the soul!
This regularly involves me posting pictures of random celebrities on my blog, and opening the floor to you, the discerning reader to vote them ‘Hot or not?’ but, obviously, I know English Mum is far too classy for such shameful shenanigans!
She really, really, really wouldn’t enjoy that, at all!
Sorry, what was that? You’ll have to speak up a little.
You do want to join in?
Excellent! Let’s get this show on the road!
I reckon we should choose a chef as this week’s contender. But which shall we go for? Perhaps a cheeky little Italian number, or maybe a soft centered Yorkshire pudding? What if we were greedy and fancied a bit of both? Now that sounds like the perfect recipe for Friday fun!
So who could these two completely opposite flavours be? Let’s find out.
Gino D’Acampo and James Martin, hot or not?
Oh Gino! Fantastico King of the Jungle, oozing with Italian charm. All sexy accent and Mediterranean gusto. He’s definitely got the looks but does he have the substance?
Then there’s Sweet Baby James, a Yorkshireman through and through. All rugged, manly and dominant in the kitchen. Swooooon. I think it’s pretty obvious where my affections lie!
There’s definitely something about a man who can cook.
It’s not my call though, you decide…..
Guest Post Day is organised by the lovely Erica at LittleMummy.com. You’ll find English Mum over at Insomniac Mummy
The Gallery: Friendship
So my lovely friend Tara has this amazing blog where all sorts of magic happens. Once a week, Tara (or someone else) suggests a theme and people from all over the world and all walks of life enter photos (old or new) that they’ve taken that fit the theme.
This week’s theme is Friendship.
You all know I’m not a photographer. But I am a friend. I just couldn’t let this one go without entering. Here, then, is my take on Tara’s Gallery theme:
It’s a rubbish picture, but I’ve only got this one to remind me of a whole fantastic, hilarious night, so it’s very precious.
This photo was taken on New Year’s Eve (actually, New Year’s Day – 01/01/2008) with our lovely neighbours – and good friends – from next door in lovely ol’ County Cavan, Ireland. From left to right, that’s Little C with Bert (and his laser eyes), above him is my #1 son, then C’s daughter Lou, then C, #2, C’s hubby D, and then my Hubster at the end.
C was a beautiful girl – when she was well, she had long dark curly hair and was a stunning creature. By this stage, you can see she was really quite ill and didn’t want to have her photo taken at all. She had made the effort to walk all the way down her drive and all the way back up ours (we used to hop over the fence, but she was too ill by that stage, her very aggressive HER2 breast cancer having spread to her bones and her brain) and was exhausted. But we had a fab evening – we popped party poppers, drank champagne, talked rubbish, danced… and it’s a memory I’ll treasure. C died in May 2008. I don’t have many photos of her but this is my favourite – happy memories of a precious evening. When C died, my friend Jay summed it up so well when she said Iit doesn’t matter how long we know someone. If they creep into your heart they are yours forever.’
She’s right here in my heart. All the time.
PS: And check out Moon’s Gallery entry – it’s all about yours truly!
The big Figleaves photoshoot!
(Alternatively titled: When will I ever learn to keep my big mouth shut?)
So as you know, then, last week I may have been just a teeny bit critical of Figleaves.com and their ‘swimwear for your shape’ models, who were somewhat less curvy than they ought to have been. Well an awful lot of you agreed. The comments section was full of people saying that they wanted to see clothes meant for curvy people actually modelled on curvy people.
Let’s face it, it was never going to end well.
‘Righto, then’ said Hayley from Figleaves, ‘you can come and be our models. Find five people of all different shapes and sizes, and we promise you we’ll find you a flattering swimsuit. Oh, and you need to come here on Wednesday, get your clothes off in front of the camera and then have the photoshoot splashed across our website.’
Is that all? Pffft.
And so it came to pass after a few days of intense email negotiation with my friends, relatives (‘what? F*ck Off!’) and fellow bloggers (it’s a lot to ask of people – there were several ‘you must be JOKING!’ replies) that four brave souls and I arrived on Figleaves’ doorstep wondering what the hell we’d let ourselves in for!
The final team selection was:
Me (obviously)
Clare, one of my oldest friends (she’ll never speak to me again now)
Jill, one of Clare’s friends (who’ll probably never speak to Clare again now)
Paula, a long-time twittermate and fellow blogger, and
Naomi, another tweeter and Kids Coach suggested by my friend Becky from Baby Budgeting.
Firstly I have to say immense kudos to Figleaves, for reacting to criticism and really welcoming us with open arms. We had a question and answer session over a big tablefull of croissants and pastries (let’s face it, it was too late to diet), and we were pleased to hear that unlike some in the industry, Figleaves’ standard model size is a 12, (which is a bonus for all the gorgeous girls that work there too, I should imagine) and they regularly use larger models and, indeed, models with enormous bust sizes! Kudos also for the fact that they did take on board our criticism of the ‘swimwear for your shape’ pictures (especially the one in the drapey red swimsuit).
They also don’t ‘airbrush’. ’We’ll touch up any bruises or marks’, said Hayley, ‘but we never make our models look thinner’. We agreed that our photoshoot would be shown ‘as it comes’: no airbrushing or touching up of any kind. Gulp.
Next it was in to hair and make-up, which was really lovely (as Paula said ‘I went into a complete trance when she was doing my hair’) and then into the dreaded fitting room.
I’ll be honest here. On holiday with my family, yes, I wear a bikini. But the one they chose? Scaaaary. I would never have chosen it, either for the local pool OR for the beach – I was hoping to get a ‘hold it all in’ swimsuit. I was, however, persuaded by the lovely Christina, Figleaves’ Marketing Manager and wobbled (both literally and figuratively) to my allotted spot to be photographed.
And that leads me onto my next point: I will never again say that models have an easy job. It’s tough. No, it really is. It’s so hard to look natural. We all felt that we stood woodenly in front of the camera, while our lovely Photographer saying ‘relax! drop your shoulders, move your arm, don’t grit your teeth!’ Seriously, when you’re concentrating that hard on holding your tummy in, you do grit your teeth!
So what did we discover from this experience? Well, that modelling’s not easy, that you really don’t look anything like you think you look in a bikini, that choosing the right swimwear really can make a difference to how you look on the beach and that next time, I’ll think before I open my great big trapl
Enormous thanks to the lovely bunch at Figleaves – you can read their blog about our day here.
Even more enormous thanks to my beautiful and brave models. Without you this would not have happened and I’m immensely grateful xx
Win a Marc Jacobs handbag with AlexandAlexa!
My lovely friend and fellow Disney blogger, the wonderful and fragrant Alice from DulwichDivorcee.com, has a rather beautiful designer handbag. It is one of her most treasured possessions (I suspect that she sleeps with it) and I have often considered knocking her over the head with something, swiping it and running off how lovely it would be to own such a beautiful, expensive item of my own….
Imagine my delight, then, when the gorgeous folk at luxury children’s wear boutique AlexandAlexa.com gave me the nod that they were teaming up with the shopping portal Farfetch.com to give away this utterly gorgeous Marc Jacobs ‘Leola Hobo’ bag worth a stonking £440.00. It’s made of the softest, tan leather (just right for keeping under your pillow – or in fact using as a pillow). The lucky winner will also win a £300 spending spree at AlexandAlexa.com where they can indulge their little darlings in gorgeous designer children’s wear by the likes of Ralph Lauren, Chloé and of course Little Marc Jacobs (so they can co-ordinate perfectly with your bag!
And what do you have to do to be in with a chance to win this life-changing arm candy? Why, nothing more taxing than clicking here, or on one of the ads, filling in your name and email address and crossing your fingers.
The competition is open until June 6th. I’m just really really hoping that I’m still allowed to enter…
And now for a Barry’s tea break
So with all this excitement (it’s the big Figleaves photoshoot tomorrow!), I thought we should wind things down and have a nice cuppa.
But of course, seeing as it’s me and seeing as I’m so good to you, I thought I’d spread the love. The lovely chaps at Barry’s Tea (if you’re Irish or ever lived in Ireland it’s just THE tea to drink over there) have offered to give one lucky winner a fabulous Barry’s Tea gift box containing a selection of their speciality range including two new additions to its tea family, the fantastically exotic Pu-erh and South African Rooibos. With Pu-erh rich in antioxidants and South African Rooibos naturally caffeine-free Barry’s have gone all health-tastic, although of course, they still do all the traditional blends.
So leave a comment, then, and tell me what’s your favourite accompaniment to your daily cuppa. Too much information, I know, but mine’s a bourbon, thank you (and I’m a dunker). Over to you, then:
The Fear
I’ve made no secret of the fact that I’m never going to be a candidate for Parent of the Year. I swear too much, I’m too messy (thereby inviting sarcastic responses to ‘tidy your room’), I do not adhere to proper mealtimes and the ironing pile often reaches the (cobwebby) ceiling. I always thought I did okay, though, in a kind of ‘out there’ parenting way.
But moving back here to surburbia, after four years in rural Ireland? It’s scary. I’m out of my depth – out of my parenting league.
In Cavan, although there was the odd ‘tearaway’, kids were on the whole terrified of their mams. They behaved. There was discipline and order. I liked it. An Irish Mammy takes no shit. Her kids do their homework, show respect, and get to bed early on a school night. Okay so health and safety is a little wobbly, but whether or not the kids wear crash helmets, they are out with their mates on their bikes, playing footie and GAA and getting home before it gets dark OR ELSE. In Ireland, exams are everything. School is important, and everyone knows where they stand.
Here, though? Parenting is so much more liberal. Oh I’m not talking those irritating ‘luvvie mummies’ at the playground who go ‘oh my little poppet is just expressing herself’ as the devil-child pulls your kid’s pigtails, I’m talking SCARY liberal.
Take, for example, a recent party. It’s the talk of the school. Some parents allowed their 15 year old daughter to have a house party. I don’t know them, so I don’t know where they were, but seeing as their little petal posted all the photos on Facebook, I’m pretty sure she had their blessing. It was a beautiful house, too.
There was drinking. I’m talking serious drinking. There was smoking. And then (a natural progression), there was vomiting. There were all sorts of other shenanigans as well. One child (and yes, he’s a child – he’s 15 years old) got so drunk, he passed out and his ‘friends’ shaved his eyebrows and half his head (only stopping because the electric shaver ran out of power).
Drive around this little patch of suburbia on any given Friday or Saturday night and it’s the same old story: lads (with their jeans around their arses in that strange teenage manner) clustered around someone’s house holding beers; girls, barely 15, clutching glasses of wine, eyes unfocused, plastered in make-up, cleavages hoiked, knickers barely covered in tiny skirts…
Reckon it’s innocent fun? Am I being a fuddy duddy? Want me to get a life? Tell that to the parents of Paddy Higgins, who fell to his death after a drinking binge with his mates, or the mum and dad of the 16 year old girl who collapsed and died at a house party in nearby Cookham back in October after drinking nearly five times the legal limit.
So where do I stand on all this? Well firstly I should say that I was the teenager from hell. I’ve been there, done that and worn the t-shirt. So therefore, nothing gets past me. This stuff, though? It makes my teenage years look like an episode of Milly Molly Mandy.
I think I’m just about as far removed from most of these other parents as possible. House parties are out (either here or anywhere else – the only vomiting ever done in this house will be if someone’s ill, thank you very much) and so is going out boozing. I want my sons to have a sensible attitude to drink, so their first beers will be with us, as a family during dinner or maybe the odd one on holiday. There will be no alcohol abuse, no vomiting, no smoking and certainly nothing else.
Our style of parenting, believe it or not, makes kids like my son the odd one out, but I don’t care. I might not be parent of the year, but my son knows damned well what our values are and will respect our boundaries or face the consequences.
I think in those four years, I’ve caught a little bit of Irish Mammy. And do you know what? I’m dead proud. And I’d go back tomorrow.
Get a bloody grip, Figleaves
* * * * UPDATE * * * *
FIGLEAVES.COM HAVE PUT THEIR MONEY WHERE THEIR MOUTH IS AND INVITED THE READERS OF ENGLISHMUM.COM TO COME AND BE MODELS FOR THEIR ’SWIMWEAR FOR YOUR SHAPE’ RANGE.
IF YOU’RE AVAILABLE TO TAKE PART IN A MAKEOVER AND PHOTOSHOOT ON WEDNESDAY 19TH MAY IN WELWYN GARDEN CITY, HERTFORDSHIRE, PLEASE EMAIL ME WITH YOUR SIZE, SHAPE, DRESS SIZE, BRA SIZE ETC. COME ON NOW, DON’T BE SHY – IF WE WANT REAL MODELS THEN WE NEED REAL PEOPLE!!
I was having a chat with my friend Jane yesterday about Speedo’s new Shapeline range. They’ve brought out three new styles of swimsuit: a ‘waist smoother’, a ‘tummy and hip sculptor’ or a ‘bust shaper’. Trouble is, as Jane pointed out, it’s not much good if you need a combination of all three. Unless, of course, they’re banking on us buying all three and then kind of layering them up (well, it would certainly hold you in).
This brings me neatly on to my recent laugh out loud website discovery – take a bow, Figleaves.com. As one with a few curves and a serious cupcake habit, I was tempted to view their new ‘swimwear for your shape’ feature, they describe certain body shapes, then recommend swimwear to flatter your particular wobbly bits.
The ”Hourglass’, which apparently is those of us who have a full bust and rounded hips, was represented by this model:
God, I bet she worries about her abundant curves, don’t you? I bet she pokes and prods herself in front of the mirror, and goes ‘damn my unfeasibly wide, child-bearing hips’, don’t you?
She’s just so rounded I bet she has to go through doorways sideways, and has an almighty job fitting herself into standard airline seating.
And oh, I bet she cries bitter tears when she’s out shopping, as she probably has such terrible trouble finding things to fit over her ridiculously large bust. She probably never goes jogging without at least two sports bras for fear that her enormous rack will smack her in the face and leave her with concussion.
Blimey, I bet she’s never out of Evans, the poor chub.
No, wait, there’s more…
Next is the ‘peach’ with her ‘full bust and rounded tummy that hides her waist’, Figleaves recommend wraparound suits to disguise the bulgy belly:
Well I’m sorry, but who ate all the pies? I’m afraid no amount of wrapping is going to hide that behemoth of a belly. Just look at it, straining the very seams of that fetching red swimsuit until it looks like she may actually burst out of it. In fact, if I was that model, I’d be so pissed off with people asking me when it was due, I’d just stay at home and mainline jaffa cakes.
Don’t be silly, Figleaves. I’m a pretty standard size 12 and both of them would make me look like Beth Ditto.
*sigh*
