Random conversations: political correctness for beginners
I am baking (I know, what a shocker). Well Hubby is away and I’m missing him badly (I have nobody to annoy, and it’s really depressing to talk during a television programme and not be told to shush), so it’s either brownies or vodka, and it’s 4pm, so brownies it is. #2 is doing his homework at the kitchen table. The conversation goes something like this:
Me: ‘What are you doing?’
#2: ‘I’m writing a recipe for witch’s brew. It’s really cool. I’m doing it in my best writing ‘cos it’s going up on the wall’
Me: ‘Excellent! What have you got so far?’
He starts to read out his recipe. It contains the usual suspects: ‘one newt’s eye, one lizard’s tongue, one tarantula, one disabled person…’
Me: ‘WHOAH! One what?!’
#2: ‘one disabled person’
Holy shit.
Me: ‘Erm sweetheart, you can’t say that, it’s horrible’
#2: ‘It’s meant to be horrible, it’s witch’s brew’
Me: ‘No, I mean you really can’t say that. You’ll get into trouble. That’s terrible. You can’t.’
#2: ‘Why? It’s funny. Sean’s putting “one bulimic” in his’ *
Holy f*cking poo.
Me: ‘That is SO not funny. It’s not kind to make jokes about disabled people.’
#2: ‘I’m not making jokes about disabled people. I’m just putting one in a stew’
Somebody kill me. Please.
So we have the big long conversation about political correctness, about how somebody disabled would feel if they read it, how he would feel if somebody made fun of him or one of his disabled friends or family. It was a long, excruciating conversation, but I think he got the point.
I mean, how bloody hard is parenthood? When you’re wallowing like a whale in your parenting classes, chewing on your 7th marmite and peanut butter sandwich, nobody ever mentions that you’re going to have to explain what tampons are to a four year old who has fished one out of your bag and is now waving it in a restaurant shouting ‘can I have one of these sweeties?’, or why pointing out in a really loud voice that you’ve ‘got a stiffy’ in the middle of Tesco’s isn’t a good idea. Ohhhh no, it’s all cuteness and changing mats and baby powder and solids and all that. But disabled people in soup? Nope, not even a mention.
Have you ever thought about how you’d explain it, for goodness’ sake.
Me (in self important tone): So now do you see how important it is to be sensitive to other people’s feelings? Disability is no joke.’
#2: ‘Yes’
#2 (muttered): But you laugh at Andy in Little Britain.
*name changed to protect the incredibly guilty.
And in the spirit of even more political correctness, I’d like everybody to pop over to Belgian Waffle and read her Eat Your Words post. It’s quite the funniest thing I’ve ever read in my life. Ever.
57 Responses to “Random conversations: political correctness for beginners”
Leave a Reply
Am now thinking about what I’d put in my witch’s brew.
But I do wonder: what went in to replace the disabled person?
kids! ;o)
Techers must have trouble keeping a straight face too, at times. Good fodder for the lunchtime chat though, I’d imagine.
I know that when I was in high school all these teachers knew my name and seemed to know all about me, when I’d no clue as to who they were!
Very sorry to hear about your husband being away, sending you all the biggest hugs ever.
Very very funny though….
i like the vay spiky hair….one strike of a match and whoooffff!! xx
Tell him that I would love to taste his witches brew, and that its probably gonna be better without the disabled person, I heard they were quite gamey
BWWAHHAAAAAHAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAA
I daren’t go over to Belgian Waffle for I fear any more laughing and I will literally self combust.
Is it wrong that I’m kinda looking forward to these conversations? Kai is a little boring… I need some better blog fodder. This is pure gold.
x
I don’t get that from my neices ….. yet although with the eldest hitting 4 next month awkward questions won’t be too far away!
So EM, what are Willies and Tampons ?? ..
A man is standing behind a woman at a bus stop and notices that she has a tampon hanging out of her mouth. He taps her on the shoulder and says: “Excuse me, but do you realise that you have a tampon hanging out of your mouth?”
“Mouth?”, she replies, looking horrified, “Oh, my God! What did I do with my cigarette!?”
My friend’s had the classic one of being in some public toilets and her daughter announcing loudly and proudly – ‘Mummy! You are POOING!’.
‘No – actually, I am weeing. Can’t you hear the tinkle?’
‘NO!!! – YOU. ARE. POOOOOOING!!!’
Aah – ickle treasure
[...] saw The Death Wish Child learn that it’s probably not politically correct to put disabled people in a stew, English Grandma popping over for a birthday visit and some rum and raisin brownies, but shortly [...]