How to extract maximum bathtime annoyance from your tame racing* greyhound
1. This takes a bit of forward planning. The night before, when your retired, lazy git of a greyhound is asleep on your lap, decide that he smells a bit ‘doggy’ and resolve to bath him the next day if it’s sunny. When the next day dawns bright and warm, remove your greyhound from his sleeping place in the shade and douse liberally with the hose. Next, chase your escaped greyhound back to his hiding place, attach lead to collar and stake to ground with garden fork. Drench liberally again:
2. Ignoring all growly moaning noises, cover your soggy victim generously with Head & Shoulders and bring to a fine, foamy lather:
3. Apply the hose to the muzzle area to attempt to remove the week-old traces of stolen Muller yoghurt, the pots of which are creating a mountain of such epic proportions on his bed that the subject has taken up residence on the sofa instead.
4. When your grumpy victim has been scrubbed sufficiently, rinse again with copious amounts of water, then run away squealing as he attempts to get his revenge by shaking cold water all over you:
5. Allow victim to return to his former hiding place in the shade to sulk and begin the long process of re-doggying himself by applying a stinky layer of drool:
6. Ignore all escape attempts while taking pictures of seething greyhound and telling him how cyoooot he looks when he’s all soggy and fluffy and what a lubly clean mummy’s baby he is, yes he is, he’s momma’s baby, oh yes he is…
7. Do not, I repeat, do not attempt to laugh at any point during the procedure at furious, soggy greyhound as this will result in a greyhound death-ray glare being applied and spontaneous human combustion. You have been warned.
PS: Look Mr Lanney – he’s not fat any more is he?!
* Bit of artistic licence there – not sure that Bert ever actually picked up any speed…
27 Responses to “How to extract maximum bathtime annoyance from your tame racing* greyhound”
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That said, you are a cruel and heartless bint for inflicting such psychological misery (and possibly long term damage?) on the poor, defenseless creature.
You must make amends through the medium of satsumas (sweet ones, natch) assorted shoes and a side of roast beef. It’s the only way. :I
As for Aussie and Towny, laughing at the degradation of a poor dog subjected to HEAD AND SHOULDERS of all things… for shame, guys… for shame. :O
Towny: Really? A dog that likes showers? That Pupster is a strange one! x
Jen: Why is everyone noticing my boobs? Will have to crop that photo methinks! And what’s wrong with Head and Shoulders? He gets a bit flaky. Teehee!
Anyways, Bert struck me as more of a L’Oreal kinda pup, no?
And as for that hang-dog look in the last pic – CUTE
And yes, I did notice the boobs – how could you miss them?
Rach: Everyone’s going back and checking out my boobs now!!
Ma: She always smells – it’s like part of her. If she didn’t smell, I wouldn’t recognise her. Heh!
Rach: Ah stobbit
Aussie! Imagine the spam I’m going to get caught in my filter after these comments! Hee!
TM: If looks could kill eh? You should have seen the acres of fluff we washed off him though – well worth it.
DBM: Yup I’d definitely not try to bath a cat – especially not your evil demon kitties! And yes, I listened to you revolting commenters – good girl, moi x
you have excelled today with the Friday photos, andhe had better still be smelling nice when I get there …
Also, put your boobs away !
My darling nephew decided that Tibbs needed a bath one day and so, noting that my Sister In Law had prepared one for his brother, nonchalantly picked up Tibbs and chucked him into the water without ceremony.
You never HEARD such yowling and scraping of claws against porcelain. Wee Nephew was VERY lucky he didn’t get his cheeky little puss shredded as Tibbs streaked for the door!
Now! Bertie ain’t so bad, is he?
Love the shaking photo . . .
I love the picture of him shaking, and the profile is just so handsome. And the Death Glare is just soooo greyhoundy. Perfect!
Jen: Good grief – and thank goodness nobody was in the bath – shredded flesh anyone? LOL
TM: Ah, I’m nothing if not resourceful. When we’re out to dinner next week I promise to keep them under wraps
Baino: Ah yes, I have washed him in the shower before, but he’s covered in a fine layer of fluff which adheres to everything and dries to a fine crust, so I favour the garden – yeh Hubby took the photos (which might explain the boobage) – the shaking one’s fab isn’t it x
Jay: I know, I’m sorry – he just goes all pathetic in the bath and sits down though! Ah, and I knew you’d recognise the GDG, having been on the receiving end of a few!!
I take it you’re a Tit Man, Hubbs? Hmmmmmm??
Jen: Hmmm, not sure, and he’s pleading the fifth
On the strength of this, I am tagging you for a meme, and hope you don’t mind. I just received it a couple of days ago: Six Unimportant Things That I Love.
I hope you’ll play along.
Jane