Don’t Bug Me’s Top Ten Scary Things
Hellooooooo! Anybody home? Well, bloody hell, I come all the way over here and they have all buggered off out. Charming. Oh well, I might as well make myself at home. For those of you who have not had the pleasure, I am Don’t Bug Me!, cousin to English Mum and long suffering sister of Moon. My two furry friends here are Willow and Tess. Willow is the grey one and is well known for her uncanny ability to sink her teeth into my left ear and Tess, the black one, is a catnip addict and a little bag of crazy. I suspect both are a lot less drooly, smelly and bald compared to Bert. I also suspect that they are a lot less friendly and cuddly.
Anyhoo, while I am here, I shall share with all EM’s lovely readers ten things that scare me. My last post was about some of the not-so-sensible things that I have done in my, such as bungy jumping and sky diving. This got me thinking about what does actually scare me, since obviously fast and high up doesn’t do it. Here is what I came up with:
1). People. I am not a people person and people scare me. Meeting new people, having to start up conversations with people that I don’t know, small talk in situations that you can’t escape e.g. at the hairdresser. Large groups of people scare me, especially if I don’t know a lot of them. And if you even think of trying to get me to participate in a game of charades, well, that is just not going to happen.
2). Talking in front of people. I know, I know, I am a lecturer, how could this possibly be a problem for me? Well, it is and it scares me every time. It does help when you are the one that supposedly knows it all and it really helps when students will believe anything you say, so long as you say it with authority and a serious face. I have had a lot of fun with that one.
3). Willow. Yes, she looks all cute and furry, but trust me, she has a vicious streak a mile wide. You should hear the noises that she makes if I even get close to her with a brush, the FURminator or a pair of scissors. Did I mention that she targets ears?
4). My credit card bill. How dare it come every month.
5). Mr. DBM’s driving. He used to be fine, but since he has had to commute to work, he has become Angry Mr. DBM. He shouts, he swears, he threatens. He tailgates, speeds and swerves around all the other idiots, morons, people who bought their licences and people who shouldn’t be on the road.
6). The Yungas Road. This is supposedly the world’s most dangerous road, running from La Paz to Coroico in Bolivia. I haven’t even been there and it scares me. I saw it on National Geographic the other day. It is a single lane, dirt road with 2000ft drop offs, with no guard rails. Rain and fog can descend in seconds, dropping visibility to near zero and turning the road into a mud bath. Just watching this on TV made my bladder contract. And then my blood ran cold as realisation dawned – we will have to take this road on our trip to South America. Maybe we could fly instead?
7). Mirrors. Every time I see one, I see myself and that is not always a pretty sight.
8). Guns. I don’t care how many times people say that guns don’t kill people, people kill people, guns still scare me and they should be banned. It is a lot harder to kill someone if you don’t have a gun. Can you imagine the number of people, often innocent people, that would be alive today if there were no guns?
9). My state of health. Right now, things aren’t so bad, except for the ever enlarging not-a-baby-bump, but I do worry. My family does not have the healthiest track record. I am scared that my hips will fail and I won’t be able to hike. I am scared that my liver might actually explode one day. Most of all, I am scared that I will go blind. Right now, I am as blind as a bat with an astigmatism. What if one of my retinas detaches while I am halfway to Machu Picchu or communing with the penguins in Patagonia? That scares me.
10). Midgets. Well, they don’t exactly scare me, but they do give me the willies. I used to work with one in London. When you sat down, he would stand right next to you, really close and his head would be right at chest level. I asked him politely to respect my personal space and he called me a lesbian. When he left, someone wrote in his card “Glad to see you are leaving us, love The Bitch in Comfortable Shoes” I can’t imagine who………….
So, there you have it. Cheerio everybody. It was nice to meet you all and please feel free to drop by my blog anytime. I think perhaps I should get back there now – I fear Moon, AKA The Alien in the Basement might have been round in my absence.
Thanks for having me English Mum! (By the way, if you’re looking for EM, I believe she might have gone to visit Moon).
Oh hi Moon – I just visited and you were out. Left you a… er… present!!! x
BTW – I too share your #1 scareyness – get knots in my stomach whenever I have to “socialize” – bah, humbug!
PS: Guest blogging is a cool idea but I may pinch your meme!
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