Can I just apologise for the length of this post? I do generally abide by the rule that after a couple of paragraphs your readers get bored and wander off, but I got well into this one. Right, so I got tagged ages ago by the lubly Grandad, and totally forgot about it. Sorry Grand-père, I’ll get right to it. I like this one because it’s a grumpy one and it kind of suits my general outlook on life at the moment (yes, I know, I know. I’m bloody trying). And, let’s face it, there’s nothing like a bit of irrational hatred to start the day with a bang.
Brace yourself, then:
- List two things that irritate you for a reason (and list the reason!), and two things that irritate you for no apparent reason whatsoever!!
- Give credit to the person who tagged you.
- Link your answers to the original blog, that’s here
- Tag four new people to participate.
Right, firstly two things that irritate me for a reason:
My O2 3G Broadband
And why? Because it HATES me. I seem to have been blessed with the narkiest, most hormonal internerd connection in christendom. It lurks about waiting for the optimum moment to conk out so that it can do as much damage as possible and REALLY piss me off. For example, Isitjustme told me on the blower last night (I know! We chat!) that she’d dedicated a little song to me. Would O2 let me log on and have a look? Would it buggery. Other times it’ll wait until I’ve just replied to loads of comments or typed a really long, complicated post and clicked ‘publish’ before deciding to go and put its feet up or pop to the shops. Leaving me staring at ‘Internet Explorer Could Not Display This Webpage’. Grrrrrr.
Yappers
Okay, so I’m probably going to alienate some of my dwarf-canine loving readership here, but I just don’t get little yappy dogs. I mean, why?! Pointless, vacuous people like Paris Hilton walk around with them in their handbags (don’t they poo in there?) and that in itself should be reason enough, but come on. Dogs, by their very nature, are Man’s Best Friend. They’re built for walking, barking, running, chasing things, fetching things (on our evening walk last night, Bert snuffled in the hedge and brought me a very cross hedgehog as a present - how thoughtful) and generally being a big, scary protector-of-humanity. I’m sorry, but something that is roughly 6″ tall that you could kill if you accidentally sat on is not going to be much help in a robbery, or if you got mugged. Okay, for truthfulness I have to say here that Bert wouldn’t be much cop at that either, but at least people are scared of him when he tries to kiss them. I give you yappers then, people: pointless furry tossers.
And now two things that annoy me for no apparent reason:
Toddlers
Nope, I don’t know why. I just wasn’t built with an ‘aw, aren’t they cute’ reaction to small children. I’m sure they’re lovely and all that, but I just wanted mine to grow up so they could answer back (oh, how I regret that one), have a chat, share a joke, take themselves to the toilet and not put marmitey toast in the DVD player. Enough said.
Television
Again, not sure why, but I just can’t sit and stare at an enormous (Hubby’s TV is the size of a small European country) black box surrounded by flashing lights and be entertained. Yes, I like the odd cookery programme, or Criminal Minds or something, but frankly, I’d rather read a book. No particular reason - although maybe a low boredom threshold could be to blame. I always find myself losing interest halfway through a film and wandering into the kitchen to make brownies.
And, because I’m a cantankerous, belligerent, throwing-out-the-rulebook kind of a rebel, I’m not going to tag four more people, because I’m far more interested in knowing what you lot find annoying instead. Come on, then. What really, really makes you seethe?
Two Things I have Damn Good Reason to be Irritated By:
1) Gym Gals
I’m learning how to swim at the Grand Old Age of 33. To accoplish this, I have joined a Gym. I NEVER stray into the Pumping Iron bit, but stay in the pool bit. Every Damn Day, I meet ladies there who are the vainest people in the WORLD!!!
They wear MAKE UP in the pool for Chrissakes! Waterproof! I mean, seriously!
The bemoan the cellulite of their arses! They don’t even HAVE arses, let lone Cellulite!
They irritate the HELL out of me!
2) Recruitment Agencies
I lost my job and I’m looking for a new one. In the two weeks I’ve spent looking, I’ve learned that I’m Over/Under qualified for everything and Agencies never reply to phone messages and/or e-mails.
This could turn into the VERY long comment, so I’ll just say that I HATE BEING UNEMPLOYED!!! AND I HATE EMPLOYMENT AGENCIES!!!
Two Things I have No Good Reason to be Irritated By:
1) Topiary Trees.
They freak me out. The people who spend hours, days, years, crimping them into little animals scare the Hell out of me.
2) Chick Lit Covers
It might be the best damn book in the world but I’ll be shagged if I buy ANYTHING that a fat, stupid publishing exec decreed HAD to be pink and fluffy just because his target readership are female.
My! That was very therapeutic! Anyone else?
Comment by jennynib — July 17, 2008 @ 11:05 am
Peoples ignorance when it comes to animals especially Greyhounds. They are only aggressive when their prey drive is high; small dogs, cats, foxes, squirrels and other furry creatures to name but a few. Hence the reason some can’t be let off the lead and some have to wear a muzzle.
Whilst walking round the woods the other day, I passed a woman who remarked in a loud voice to her husband, how horrible it was to have a dog muzzled (what I wanted to reply and did not lower myself to her standards was “bring your little Yapper over to me and see why he has a muzzle on!”) The ironic thing is, William is happy in his muzzle, he pushes his nose into the muzzle cos he knows we are going for a walk and he may see those nice people who give him biscuits! They say ignorance is bliss but not in this case!
Things that get my goat for no reason at all:
Why can’t the dirty cups, plates, glasses find their way to the dishwasher in my house unless I do it? Surely the dogs don’t leave that much washing up around? Even a full-blown rant won’t get that crockery into the kitchen
The remote control to the extra large telly. Why is it always my fault when the remote goes missing yet I was not the last one to use it?
Oh well ranting over (until I get home and see the dirty crockery!)
Comment by Taffy's Mum — July 17, 2008 @ 11:08 am
Things that irritate me for a reason?
1) Politicians. Enough said.
2) People who can’t be bothered to bring their kids up propery - and worse, swear at the poor little beggars then give them a swift swipe round the nearest body part when the swear back.
I guess it’s the whole sorry cycle of girls of incompetent parents who get pregnant far too young, and haven’t the nous to bring their own kids up properly, ad infinitum. All I know is that these incompetent parents are breeding faster than the competent ones round our way and it makes me want to scream.
Things that annoy me for no reason? Well, I always think I have a reason, but I guess it’s not always a very good one. Take for instance -
1) Small monkeys dressed up in cute outfits. I KNOW that you need to dress monkeys in our climate if you’re going to parade them about in public, but sheesh. Why do it? I have an instant ‘how revolting’ reaction to seeing them, and I pretty much love all animals, yes, including monkeys.
2) Finding ash/cigarette ends into my kitchen bin. Opening the lid and smelling that stale ashtray stench sends my blood pressure up a few notches. Could be said to be unreasonable since it is, after all, a bin.
As for the yappers - small dogs aren’t my favourite type. As you know, I keep the long-legged, pointy-nosed variety too. I have to concede though, those little ankle-biters make fine guard dogs. They might not kill anyone, or even bite much above knee level, but they make a LOT of noise. Their value is alerting their owners to things that are Not Right.
But handbags? Gah!
Comment by Jay — July 17, 2008 @ 11:45 am
Comment by jennynib — July 17, 2008 @ 1:06 pm
1) Motorcyclists in bike lanes. You are not a bicycle so F**K off.
2) As you might have gathered lately, being underappreciated is not going to make me happy.
3) Air travel. Once upon a time I traveled as an unaccompanied minor, and flying was magical, air-hostess’ hot, and food and booze free. Now it’s just shit. shit shit shit. Now I LOVE ferries.
4) David Carruso. Bloody smug ginger git.
Hey EM, keep asn eye out for the world premier of Thriftypants(tm)
Comment by Thriftcriminal — July 17, 2008 @ 1:08 pm
Jennyb I’m with you on recruitment agencies, they promise the world but rarely deliver. What’s a Chic Lit cover? (oh my, I lament the cultural divide)
Comment by Baino — July 17, 2008 @ 1:17 pm
And recruitment agencies? Pah. I don’t know how they make any money. Don’t they know people can just advertise in the paper? x
TM: “bring your little yapper over to me and see why he has a muzzle on!” Heh heh. I’ve muzzled Bert before when I’ve let him off, but he just spends the whole time trying to rub it off his face with his paw. Stupid arse.
Yes, what is it about crockery. I’m the worst culprit I have to say. Sometimes there can be 3 or 4 empty mugs on the side of the bath. Guilty as charged.
Jay: I must admit I do swear at my children occasionally
But generally in a kind of ‘aw bugger off ye pillock’ kind of way. And if they ever swore they would be hung, drawn, quartered and hung out on the washing line to dry. Firm but fair, moi.
And ew…monkeys…I hate monkeys ew ew ew! x
Jen: She has a point though - Bert’s bloody terrified of the yapper down the road and he’s smaller than Inch High Private Eye fer gordon’s sake.
Comment by English Mum — July 17, 2008 @ 1:56 pm
In my world, ferries = puke. Not good. And isn’t he the ginger guy off CSI who. says. things. in. a. really. disjointed. manner? Yeh. Tosser.
Thriftypants? I WANT THEM FIRST!!!!! *makes tight fists* Me, d’ya hear??
Underappreciated? You? I’d never have guessed.
Comment by English Mum — July 17, 2008 @ 2:06 pm
Comment by English Mum — July 17, 2008 @ 2:20 pm
Chick Lit is Lit(erature) for Chicks (Gals).
It’s the toxic pink coloured crap with cartoonish pictures of various eejits in the following poses; shopping, tripping gaily with shopping bags, wondering will he call or should she just shop.
They pile it high by the door in a toothache-inducing display of sugary pinks and nauseating pastels. Clearly, women are magpie-like chittering twits who will be attracted (with their male partner’s credit cards) by the pretty covers to buy them, never caring what’s inside. It’s cookie-cutter drivel at it’s worst.
And the SICK thing is that they sell by the Gazillions!
Sheeeesh!
Thrifty! When can I buy the pants? Are they sparkly pink? :I
Comment by jennynib — July 17, 2008 @ 2:34 pm
This is eating into my jobhunting time, y’know!
Comment by jennynib — July 17, 2008 @ 2:43 pm
[...] dogs: I’m so delighted that I share this one with English Mum. A Bichon Frise is not a dog. It is a tampon with teeth. Maltezers, especially the ones with [...]
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x
Comment by Ali — July 17, 2008 @ 3:36 pm
The ones I have suffered through recently include a Gandhi quote where both his first and last names are misspelled, an entirely-inappropriate-for-a-professional-setting heavily religious one, and a pop-music lyric one with yet more misspelling and incorrect grammar.
And don’t even get me started on the neon swirly 600-point font.
Comment by Tara — July 17, 2008 @ 3:36 pm
Comment by Tara — July 17, 2008 @ 3:44 pm
MNe, well,
Hates : People that throw ciggerette butts out of cars, or on the pavement… tell me, is that not litter ????
Fat people, don’t get me wrong here, I mean fat people that moan about being fat, do toss all to help, and eat fat burgers ….. and say “I can’t lose weight” GO TO THE F**KING GYM, Or even a WALK !!!! grrrrr
For no reason … The French and softcore porn .. whats the point ?
Comment by Moon — July 17, 2008 @ 3:54 pm
I’ve walked a mile in Miladys Home All Day shoes and I’m just foaming at the mouth to get back into paid employment!
Berluddy Hell! A woman’s work is never done…
Comment by jennynib — July 17, 2008 @ 3:54 pm
Ali: Or maybe I could get a job like yours where I spend all day either fannying about on the internet, mowing stripes onto cricket pitches or swanning off to Australia where I can be busy ‘visiting customers’ yet still come back strangely suntanned. Hmmmm???
Tara: Really? Happily I’ve not come across those yet. But dodgy bits of fruit in yoghurt? Ew. Bogeys.
Moon: You know my view on smokers. They should be lined up against a wall and shot (apologies to my brother/mother in law and any smoking readers, but hey, I’m an ex-smoker so I’m a hard-line anti now).
And you live in the spiritual home of the wobbly bottom and the double triple kingsized burger? Shurely shome mishtake?! x
Jen: Meh. I did ironing today. Does that count? x
Comment by English Mum — July 17, 2008 @ 4:10 pm
No so much smokers, after all, they can only really smoke at home now .. but the bloody litter … grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Comment by Moon — July 17, 2008 @ 4:23 pm
Comment by English Mum — July 17, 2008 @ 4:28 pm
Comment by Tara — July 17, 2008 @ 4:30 pm
Two things that annoy me for no good reason? The colour pink - sorry EM - and any animal dressed in human clothes - that is just wrong, wrong and wrong.
Is this suppose to be cathartic? If so, it is not working. I am now annoyed about all the things that annoy me.
Comment by Don't Bug Me! — July 17, 2008 @ 4:35 pm
Bugs: I was wondering what you’d choose. I know what you mean about animals dressed in clothes - ew, we’re back to monkeys again. And pink? How very dare you!!! x
Comment by English Mum — July 17, 2008 @ 4:41 pm
People that walk about town with no shirt on !!!, why …. put a shirt on !
People pushing in !
changing lanes without signalling … I am not a mindreader …. I could go on for a VERY long time here …
Comment by Moon — July 17, 2008 @ 4:44 pm
Everytime I visit yours I end up Full Bellied and Pished! And if I crack my ankle on that yoke by the fire one more time…
(having said that, the Cocktail Incident WAS my fault…)
:O
Comment by jennynib — July 17, 2008 @ 4:55 pm
In Dublin’s Fair City, where the girls are so pretty…
…enormous; they seem to believe that wearing low slung jeans with their cheeky thong-tops showing, with a high-riding tight top straining to contain HUGE stretch-marked, fake tanned, flabby belly, is sexy and cute..
It Isn’t!
It’s merely the quickest way to evacuate my tummy!
:X
Comment by jennynib — July 17, 2008 @ 5:01 pm
Jen: What yoke by the fire? The coal scuttle thingy? I can’t be held responsible for damage caused during your drunken wanderings, young lady
OMG that’s just reminded me of the girl behind the counter in Oasis. She wasn’t a waif, put it that way, and had acres of doughy, stretchmarky belly hanging out over her jeans. I mean…you think someone’d tell her it’s not attractive…
Comment by English Mum — July 17, 2008 @ 5:12 pm
Comment by Don't Bug Me! — July 17, 2008 @ 5:18 pm
do these people no have a better half that would say, No dear, you do not look good like that ! Mrs M says it to me ALL the time !
Comment by Moon — July 17, 2008 @ 5:26 pm
Comment by Thriftcriminal — July 17, 2008 @ 6:21 pm
Moon: Oh, thongs are flip flops? Disappointed. Hubby’d better not dare tell me I don’t look good in something - I’d withdraw his privileges! (joke) x
Comment by English Mum — July 17, 2008 @ 6:26 pm
And there are always mugs around the bathroom - we do a sweep up every now and again when we run out of clean ones
Two things that irritate me and I definitely know why:
Tax forms - I’m filling one out at the moment… The instructions are completely loony and don’t relate to the questions in any way whatsoever. A Martian would have a better chance at getting it right. Maybe that’s it - they’re written in Martian and the HMRC is run by aliens. That would make total sense.
The post office - well, it’s bloody difficult to get to, isn’t it? UK and Ireland alike. Ggggrrrrrrrrr!
Two things that irritate me for no discernable reason:
Sex & The City. Am I letting female-dom down here? I’ve just never got it - the characters are crap. And I love good shoes, girly clothes and all that!
People who offer to help me in shops with a relentlessly perky smile/pretending to be all chummy. There is no quicker way to get me to leave somewhere than this. The Levis store used to be particularly bad for it.
Phew! That feels much better now
Comment by wee jen — July 17, 2008 @ 6:37 pm
Comment by Mum — July 17, 2008 @ 6:46 pm
Have to disagree with you on the perky issue though - rather that than the sullen Lithuanian/Latvian/Polish girls in the Spar (and no, I’ve nothing against Eastern European (hello Mrs M!) people obviously but jaysus, crack a SMILE already!!) x
Ma: That really made me laugh - it’s obvious I’m your daughter ‘cos that really pisses me off too. No apparent reason just ugh, I feel the need to slap creatures of habit around the head. ‘Oh I’m always in Starbucks having a cappuccino by 9.23′ Aaarrrggghhhh!!!!!
Comment by English Mum — July 17, 2008 @ 6:51 pm
Comment by English Mum — July 17, 2008 @ 6:56 pm
Another one …. Bloody helpers in sodding shops !
Apple Store in Costa Mesa.. more assistants that customers…. as soon as you even look towards the shop ..
“Hi, how are you ?”
“alright thanks” (what the **** has it got to do with you ???
“Can I help you”
“no thanks, Just looking”
2 mins later, another person … ” Hi, Can I help you with anything ?”
“No”.. F*** off….. they then follow you like James Bond, ready to pounce as soon as you show any interest in anything.. ready for their commision …. Like DBM has told me, I just try to lose them in the store ….. ******* !!!
Comment by Moon — July 17, 2008 @ 7:06 pm
Comment by English Mum — July 17, 2008 @ 7:12 pm
Comment by Don't Bug Me! — July 17, 2008 @ 7:35 pm
I have something for you over at my place.
Comment by Jay — July 17, 2008 @ 8:08 pm
Oooh - got one. All corporate speak makes my toes curl. ‘I like the headspace you’re occupying right now - let’s some get some blue-sky-thinking going and leverage the outcomes, while breaking it down to a granular level and sprinkling our magic on the staircase to success…’
Comment by Wee Jen — July 17, 2008 @ 9:30 pm
Comment by SUSAN B — July 18, 2008 @ 12:26 am
2.) Red Tape - frikkin’ everywhere!
3.) Reality and “Talent” TV Shows
4.) My Beer Gut
Comment by Quickroute — July 18, 2008 @ 12:31 am
Jay: Oh right. Well I’m not THAT bad! I heard this horrible man in Penney’s tell his daughter to ‘f*ck off’ when she was pulling at his shirt. She was tiny! I was really shocked. Ooh, something for me? I’ll be right round x
Wee One: ’sprinkling our magic on the staircase to success…’? Oh deary deary me
Susan: Swiftly followed by ‘and another thing…’ no doubt!
QR: Ugh reality television. Whoever thought of Big Brother should be disembowelled on live TV.. now that would be entertaining
Comment by English Mum — July 18, 2008 @ 7:52 am
I’ll only list one more thing:
Why oh why must I be the one to change the loo roll in the bathroom?
There are a whole stack of new ones there but when the roll is empty - someone starts a new one and balances it carefully on top of the empty tube…. it really gets my goat!!
Comment by Kate — July 18, 2008 @ 8:21 am
Comment by English Mum — July 18, 2008 @ 8:58 am
They will change the loo roll but leave the empty roll lying around incase ‘I’ want to put it in the paper recycling!!
Comment by Taffy's Mum — July 18, 2008 @ 9:03 am
TM: Hubby doesn’t believe in recycling. Someone once told him that it’s a waste of time and that it all goes in a landfill anyway. Personally, I think it’s just an excuse not to sort the trash! x
Comment by English Mum — July 18, 2008 @ 9:47 am
Comment by Kate — July 18, 2008 @ 11:18 am
Mind you that’s a generalisation, I know not everyone’s like that.
Also hubby’s dragging me out to buy a TV the same size as a small country tomorrow…. perhaps we should get the 2 of them together to watch giant tv lol
Comment by Ruth E — July 21, 2008 @ 8:49 pm
Ruth: God, you’re right - nothing worse than Yapper mummies - they have legs, let them use them!!! OOh a giant TV fest - at least we’d have fun in the kitchen!!! x
Comment by English Mum — July 22, 2008 @ 8:50 am
[...] English Mum started off with an apology about the length of the post, I get the feeling this meme struck a chord with some people [...]
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