So I’m a bit of a whiz on the ol’ Microsoft Money. I like knowing where every little penny (or cent, sorry) of our money has gone and I’ll often be found sobbing fat tears of despair onto the keyboard come the 30th of the month. I’ve just found a great new thing on there called ‘Budget Planner’. Basically it’ll set you up a budget, taking all your average spending (or letting you set your own limits) and then giving you a computery smack on the wrist if you exceed it. I like it: a virtual naughty chair for spendaholics and it’s just what we need. So I set to work slaving over my budget. It’s actually very good because it won’t let you be silly and just allocate, say, thirty quid for hair care. It’ll remind you, in very much the same way as J does when I talk rubbish (ahhh, the ‘best friend talking some damned good sense into you’ chat), that you actually spent 120 Euro on your last haircut, and to stop being such a fibber.

Oh dear, though, it seems that currently our outlook is somewhat less than rosy. For example, here’s the good news: if we’re really good, we’ll be able to buy food again next Thursday. Oh, but the bad news is that if we want to buy heating oil every three months either the dog’ll have to go without food (noooooo!) or the petrol budget will mean that we can only take the kids to school once a week (hmmm…kids or dog…tough one.) So heating oil will have to be four monthly in order for me to have an empty house during school hours plus a happily full-up greyhound sans rumbly tummy.

Still, cheer up, people, it’s not all doom and gloom. At the rate I’m going, I’m currently set to retire when I’m 97 and therefore won’t have need of pension payments in my budget. Bonus.

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