So 73 Man, one of my favourite bloggers, recently pointed out that ‘…I can hold a table full of people’s attention on the matter of effective household composting but fail to recognise in others how they might be feeling’. This, I pointed out, just made him male and was nothing to be ashamed of. I can go a whole day with a right cob on and Hubby won’t notice at all. Isn’t it weird, though, that we wish our other halves to notice when we’re annoyed or upset without actually having to point it out?

Bertie fell down the stairs last night (he got up from his bed on the landing and had a shake while standing too close to the top stair - a recipe for disaster) and once I’d checked he was okay and got back in to bed I found myself wide awake. I laid there thinking about a good few things, including the above, and perfected a little list of stuff that’s wholly and unashamedly male (in our house, not nationally), and not wanting to poke fun at our opposite number I’ve added a number of female ones too.

Bloke stuff:

Phones. ‘Your phone just beeped’: Hubby always has his phone on him and can hear an incoming text message from several miles away. I sometimes lose my phone for a whole day and often retrieve text messages that are 24 hours or more old.

Smells. ‘What’s that funny smell?’: every male member of my household catches a whiff of something approximately every five minutes. #1 adds insult to injury by shouting ‘ew it smells funny in here’ every time we walk into a shop/restaurant/sandwich bar/café.

Gears. ‘You’re still in fourth’. So? It’s a gear isn’t it? I’m moving forward aren’t I?

Directions. ‘You know the garage? The one next to the farm down on the Dublin Road? Take the turning just past there on the left, then you take that right and it’s just up there’: Er no, I don’t know the garage. And there’s a farm? And… no, you’ve lost me. How do you notice these things?

Girly things:

People. ‘Ooh look at that lady’s hair/handbag/husband/nose’: I’m always doing this and not only will Hubby not look, but he just doesn’t ‘get’ people-watching at all. I’ve even been known to approach someone to ask where they got something if I particularly like it. This mortifies him and makes him scuttle off in the other direction.

Multitasking: Nothing makes Hubby angrier than when I sit in traffic putting hand cream on, then the traffic starts to move again and he has to steer, or when I’m putting lip balm on in the rear view mirror. Big whoop, I’m a multitasker.

Feelings: I get all girly if I haven’t been hugged a certain amount of times in a given period. Hubby maintains that he’s actually quite shallow and doesn’t register this sort of stuff. Oh and boys? Patting your wife’s bottom when you walk past her doesn’t actually constitute a hug.

Anyone got any they want to add here?

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