So I was lying in bed this morning, occupying, along with Hubby, the 9/10 of the bed that wasn’t completely covered in large furry greyhound, reading the latest edition of Eve magazine. Now I’m not going to slag it off because it’s by far my most favourite magazine. I like to keep in touch with what’s going on in the world of womanly periodicals over in Blighty. I quite like Image magazine, a bonus because it’s published here in Ireland and is therefore considerably more relevant, but I don’t understand the pages and pages of pictures of couples at parties holding champagne glasses. Presumably, people in Ireland actually know these people and it’s entertaining or something. To me, it’s a bit like looking through a total stranger’s wedding pictures. Baffling.

Eve, though, is not exempt from magazine weirdness. In their ‘Luxe for Less’ section, they have this thing called ‘Fashion Maths’. For this piece I get the impression that the fashion team all get together and sniggeringly send a minion out to the shops and tell her to buy the most preposterously expensive item of clothing they can possibly find. This week, for example, the dogsbody came back with a ‘Chanel Pussy bow blouse’. A snip at … wait for it … £1,220. They then give you examples of how you can ‘accessorise the look’ for the office, going out, etc and justify this expense by telling you that if you wear it once a week for the next two years, it works out at just £11.73 per wear! A veritable bargain!!

Now I’d like to think that there’s a certain amount of tongue in cheek playfulness about this, but purlease: £1,220 for what is basically a silky shirt with a huge bow at the front, reminiscent of Margot Leadbetter in her heyday? I think not. But then, browsing through the fashion section, I realised that I didn’t like a single thing. It was full of huge, clumpy Nanny McPhee boots (at £500 a pop) and …gulp …capes. Did you know, for example, that this season, ’sumptuous fabrics and rich colours such as jewel-bright satins’ are de rigueur? Oh God. It gets worse, apparently ‘metallics and leopard prints are still storming the catwalk’ too.

Oh, it’s okay, I’m not worried that I’m not particularly fashionable. I’ve got a bit of a thing about nice jeans, but I’m happier in Converse then Choo and purple satin would definitely scare the sheep. Anyway, I’m nodding to the trend with my jewel-bright pink Hunters, and Bertie will be sashaying along in his leopard print collar. Fashion-forward, moi.

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